Help Telling Family

So, I have been seriously considering joining a sorority this past year, especially since I will be starting my Freshman year in college this August.

However, I don't know how to tell my family this. I know, it sounds kind of weird that I don't know how to say it, but I was never the really girly-girl or extremely social one like my sister. Sometimes, when I tell my mom that I want to do things that I usually don't she tells me that I don't.

This has happened for so long in my life. I am afraid that she will think that I am not the sorority girl type and/or laugh. I guarantee she won't take me seriously. She's already against the idea because the membership for my second cousin was about 1,500 in just the first semester and my family doesn't have that kind of money.

Anyways, the point is, I wanted to know some things that I can bring up to help persuade her to let me at least try to rush and support me. Or if anyone else has been in a similar situation that can help. I am just afraid to embarrass myself because when I tell her these things, she usually thinks I'm wrong.

Also, are parents involved in the whole process and sororities?

Thanks for all the help!

-Krissy

[RU OX Alum]

You don't need to tell your mom anything. Just join when you get to college. Have fun.

ETA: no, parents aren't usually involved. Unless it's a "somone's mom who doesn't live to far away and always likes to make tons of food for occaisions anyway made us another ton of food for this occasion" type thing. Sometimes there parents weekends, but if you join a good sorority, you will have supportive sisters during days like that.

Just relax, take it as it comes, and have a blast. Dues aren't the same everywhere. Remember: it is YOUR college experience. Not your mom's.

[agzg]

Read the threads linked in this post:

MysticCat's Infinite Wisdom

Thanks!

[OHNOITSJESS]

Originally Posted by KrissyGrl87

I guarantee she won't take me seriously. She's already against the idea because the membership for my second cousin was about 1,500 in just the first semester and my family doesn't have that kind of money.

Just to add:
Usually sorority dues are higher in the first semester to cover things like candidacy/pledging materials, pins and badges, housing or lodge fees etc. It usually goes down after your pledging/candidacy semester. I'm sure if you talk to the sororities, they'll give you a break down of costs during pledging/candidacy, and costs as an active.

[33girl]

Also, unless you're going to the same college as your cousin, there's a possibility your dues will be WAY less than that. A lot depends on the local dues and type of housing.

My mom couldn't believe I wanted to do a "girlie" thing like pledge either, but I told her it was nothing like the stereotype and even if it was, so what? Don't let your family's image of you cloud who you want to become.

[OHNOITSJESS]

So true. My parents just recently found out I was in a sorority and my mom thought of all the negatives. Now she just sees it as a club, and she'll never understand the lifelong bonds that I have. I'd rather her think of it as a academic/social club then the massive drunken orgy media so quickly portrays it as.

[BabyPiNK_FL]

I didn't tell my mom until after I got initiated. She explicitly told me not to join, but then that year I made it into the dorms so it was very easy to hide it because I wasn't commuting.

As my sisters come over from time to time and she knows how much I care for them. She still doesn't like it, but at least she understands what she calls my "cult" a little better.

[AOII Angel]

Don't actually think your parents will every fully understand anyway...just settle for acceptance. My mother was gungho about my sister and I joining a sorority, but she had little idea of the true commitment involved. To this day, she thinks it's strange that we are still involved as alumnae 17 years after we pledged.

[Jill1228]

You got good advice here. Save some money up, just in case you have to pay the dues yourself. Unless the parents SHOW YOU THE MONEY, assume you are paying dues and stuff yourself

[southbymidwest]

As a mom, may I gently suggest that if you expect your parents to pay for your sorority related expenses, you DO need to talk to them before you go through recruitment? If YOU, without your parents' help, intend to pick up the entire tab, then do as you feel is right for you and your situation.

Originally Posted by southbymidwest

As a mom, may I gently suggest that if you expect your parents to pay for your sorority related expenses, you DO need to talk to them before you go through recruitment? If YOU, without your parents' help, intend to pick up the entire tab, then do as you feel is right for you and your situation.

Even if I was paying the whole way, my parents keep a tight hold on all the money that is in my account, hence why I'll have to tell them either way.

Thanks for all the advice, I am going to try and remember it all when I tell her.

[peppermint23]

Our culture definitely plays up the ditzy-sorority-girl stereotype. Of course, we all know that for the most part it isn't true, and sororities are much more than that.

I would suggest talking to your mom when you're both at ease, like during a walk on a nice day. Showing her a sorority website is a great start, as the websites give a more realistic picture of what sororities do and what their purpose is than what we see in movies and on TV. Be honest. Let her know how you feel (even if you have reservations) and what you are looking for. Focus on the positives and she will too.

I know plenty of girls that are far from girly-girls in sororities. That's what makes them fun, they all have such different people. My Grand-Big sister, for example, hates wearing make-up and strong dislikes glitter! But we love her because she's a great girl. Ideally, that is how a sorority should be.

Though you don't HAVE to tell your mom, it sounds like you want to and you want her to understand your decision. I say go for it. Assume she will support you and approach her with confidence.

[chickenoodle]

When I considered joining a sorority, I talked to my family about it first. They laughed. Hard.

The ladies on this board gave great advice and I would like to emphasize peppermint23: Do your research so you will be prepared to answer your parent's questions and address their concerns.

Also, if your parents won't help you with dues, don't worry about it too much. Look at all your financial options and make an informed decision.

Good luck :-)

[peppermint23]

I also found a good website that might help sway your mom in your direction:

http://www.thesororitylife.com

It's a really cute website in the form of a magazine where you can even take a Sorority IQ test to see how well you know sororities! Let your mom take the quiz in which positive aspects like academics, leadership, philanthropy and sisterhood are emphasized.

Frankly, I love going to parties with my sisters, but at the end of the day the best times we have together are just hanging out and being ourselves.