ex-boyfriends

SophistAKAted · #1 03-29-2006, 04:49 PM

I apologize if this has ever been discussed before. Im not very well versed on this site and how to search if a topic has been discussed.

I broke up with my ex of 4 years 5 months ago. We have not spoken a word to each other since the day we ended things. It was a relationship filled with constant cheating (on his end) and he utlimately left me for the woman he cheated on me with 2 years earlier. Well I was proud of the way I handled things with the breakup. While i had many tear filled nights and sadness, i was moving on with life, and following my own dreams again. I was able to accept what i did right and what i did wrong with the relationship and put it to rest.

Out of the blue today, my ex decided to e-mail me on the facebook. Now for anyone who uses facebook there is a picture attached to your name and when you see e-mails you can see the picture. So anyway, he has a picture of him kissing his new girlfriend (the girl he cheated on me with) and sent me a message saying, "Congrats on getting AKA, i just wanted to break the silence, hope we can be friends."

I know that that is supposed to be a nice message and if things had ended any other way, maybe the idea of us being friends would be okay. But not like this. he hurt me completely. And i find it incredibly bold to send me the message with a picture like that on there.

My question is, is it wrong that i don't want to e-mail him back.? Is it so wrong to ask that he just completely dissappear? I liked it better when we had no contact. Some things i think should just be left dead, instead of stirring up feelings i dont want to feel.

Sorry so long, just wanted some sorors (or anyone's) opinions.

prettyNprissy · #2 03-29-2006, 04:55 PM

Soror I definitely think that you should take the higher road and ignore him especially if you are comfortable doing so. It seems as though he is being childish and immature by including that particular picture as his profile picture. Plus I have often found that the surest weapon against an individual is usually his own mind/imagination. By not responding you are forcing him to continue to wonder "what is up" with you.

lil_sunshine · #3 03-29-2006, 05:14 PM

prettyNprissy, while I wholeheartedly agree with your logic, I was going to state that SophistAKAted- if she WANTS to- can respond and say thank you for the comment, but no thanks to being friends. If not, don't contact him at all.

What he did during the course of your relationship was dead wrong, and TRUE FRIENDS would NEVER EVER EVER mistreat their friends in that fashion. JMO......

teena · #4 03-29-2006, 05:30 PM

I agree with what was previously posted. I have a naturally suspicious nature, especially with men. I'd wonder why he didnt 'break the silence with an apology'. If he'd done that, I would have been inclinded to say forgive and forget and be friends.

You can still forgive. He doesnt have to be in your life to do so.

ladygreek · #5 03-29-2006, 05:35 PM

He just proved what a real immature a** he is. Send a polite thank you and that's all. And then get down on your knees and than the Lord he is not in your life anymore. Trust he is probably doing the same thing to the girl of the moment.

AKA_Monet · #6 03-29-2006, 06:32 PM

Soror SophistAKAted,

When I was your age, I'd probably take the high road and not speak to a guy because of how I let him hurt me. Because really, he cannot hurt you unless you allow him to... And I would take the advice from all the above folks because probably it is a better thing to do... You do not solve anything from lashing out but with more hurt feelings...

But given the age I am now and if I wasn't married and I was still single, I dayum sho would send an "inarguably sexy" picture of myself--however they do it on the web--and saying thank you for the vote of confidence--just to show how much the asswipe is missing... And look what he readily gave up...

And then straight jacket his azz when he slimes his way upto you after the fact...

Like, I dayum sho would be going to Frederick's getting the pink teddy--they've got them now... With gymnastical pictures--if you catch my drift

And a pink and green huge lollypop...

And if you can find a "friend" to help you out with body, I'd add him in the picture, too... Then I'd say, "say hi to whatevatheheffasnameis for me, will you..."

But that is my age now... 'Cuz you know homegirl laid some chit on him for him to play you lak dat dere...

That's if you want him back. If I were you, I dayum sho wouldn't want his butt back--'cuz he wouldn't be man enuf for me...

DC_Zeta1920 · #7 03-29-2006, 06:34 PM

I have been in your situation Sistagreek (minus the Facebook part) so I know how you feel.

Personally, I wouldn't even respond because of my suspicious nature of men, but since he did congratulate you, I would reply with a simple thank you and thats it. No need in leaving the conversation open ended. As far as the friends part, don't even entertain.

Ideal08 · #8 03-29-2006, 06:53 PM

I totally agree with DC_Zeta1920.

However, this here :

Quote:

Originally posted by AKA_Monet
I dayum sho would send an "inarguably sexy" picture of myself--however they do it on the web--and saying thank you for the vote of confidence--just to show how much the asswipe is missing... And look what he readily gave up...

Like, I dayum sho would be going to Frederick's getting the pink teddy--they've got them now... With gymnastical pictures--if you catch my drift And a pink and green huge lollypop...

And if you can find a "friend" to help you out with body, I'd add him in the picture, too... Then I'd say, "say hi to whatevatheheffasnameis for me, will you..."

HILARIOUS!!! I LOVE you, Soror!!!

btb87 · #9 03-29-2006, 06:56 PM

Soror,

At first I was gonna say don't say anything to him at all. . . but after reading other responses, I guess the polite thing to do would be to send a note to say "thank you". No more, no less. And then leave it at that.

But WHEN he contacts you again (and believe me, he will - might not be today, or tomorrow, but he will contact you again) I would definitely ignore him. And like Sistergreek Ladygreek said, thank the Lord he's not a part of your life anymore, and then move on Nellie, move on. Ignore his e-mails, IMs, notes on facebook. And if he calls, let him speak to your friend, Mr. Dial Tone.

AKA_Monet · #10 03-29-2006, 07:07 PM

But when my father said to me the best way to move on beyond the hurt is to show indifference--like you don't give a rat's ass what he says or does--you know that your ready to find someone worthy of the blessing you--so like Soror Vita says...

SophistAKAted · #11 03-29-2006, 07:12 PM

sorors,sistergreeks and sisterfriends i love you all! Soror AKA_MONET, you are hilarious! I think i will send him a short note back that says thank you. But thats all i'm saying. Then i'm gonna let the dead be dead again. I'm too fly for him anyway.

AKA_Monet · #12 03-29-2006, 07:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SophistAKAted
I think i will send him a short note back that says thank you. But thats all i'm saying. Then i'm gonna let the dead be dead again. I'm too fly for him anyway.

Personally, having been there, done that and gotten a T-shirt and forehead stamp with "Please FCUK me over, thank you": If you decide to send the note, know that you are opening the door for him to slither back into your life with more BS...

Should you say thank you or not? I dunno. That's your call, you know him best--but he also knows you, too. And right now, he's got your goat and can push buttons of feelings that you are trying to suppress or emancipate yourself from...

In so many words are you playing right into his hand? You don't have to answer that for me--you just have to know what you are getting your self into.

I told you what I would do... But I doubt that is in your character because you really have to be hardcore to be that way.

The other thing is how did this fool get into you life? Then, how are you going to get him out of your life permenently? What are you going to do about it? If you want to do that, which is sounds like you do, then, I would not advise contacting him--basically, why should you thank him for congratulating you? He ought to be glad he has words to utter to you that you might find worthwhile of reading--or however they do it now on the web...

Different technology, same old crap...

starang21 · #13 03-29-2006, 08:56 PM

think of him as dead. i do that with my ex girlfriends. had to tell one recently to stop calling me and that we'll never be friends.

oh yea, i'm a dude before anyone asks why in the hell i was in this thread, lol.

Steeltrap · #14 03-29-2006, 09:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AKA_Monet
But when my father said to me the best way to move on beyond the hurt is to show indifference--like you don't give a rat's ass what he says or does--you know that your ready to find someone worthy of the blessing you--so like Soror Vita says...

Thanks for shouting me out, Soror.

To the topic, I don't have much to add. Sorors and others have given you good advice. That man didn't sound worthy of you

ShamikaT · #15 03-29-2006, 10:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by starang21
think of him as dead. i do that with my ex girlfriends.

sounds wifebeaterish to me.