When a friend decides on suicide.

[damasa]

Most of you may pretty much know me as a joker or an an occasional a%$hole on gc..but....from what the subject states...everything in my joking little world has become very serious. So much sh%t has happened to me lately, I do not know what to do.

The latest being one of my best friends killing himself early monday morning. I've had two friends kill themselves since the beginning of the year, but this friend I knew since my early childhood days.
No one knows why he did it and it is too damn frustrating. I've been back and fourth from school to my hometown many times this week ( I only live about 30 minutes away from school) and all my friends are beginning to come back into town from being away at school. They are all coming in to go to the funeral, but it's starting to get really depressing. We all get together and all we do is talk about the good old times. To be honest, I don't want to hear it, it depresses me and makes me feel worse than I already am. I just want my damn friend back. But, I know that this is reality and that can't happen. I try to turn to my fraternity brothers, but for the most part, they claim to help and be there for me, I have yet to see it. I don't think offering me a beer and playing a game of cards is going to help me out in this. I've gone to see a counselor a few times this week, but that hasn't helped me. I can't sit there and listen to someone tell me to think about the good times that I had and spent with my friend. That doesn't work for me, because I would throw all those times away, just to have him back. Yet, again, it's reality. On top of it, I've been to maybe 2 classes this week, and I think my schoolwork is going to suffer quite a bit from this, but I don't know what else to do.

I guess, what I'm asking here, has anyone else ever been in this situation? If so, what did you do to get through it? I know I'll be depressed for quite a while, but I need to get motivated to get back to my everyday life after this week, but I don't know how to do it. I feel alone.

d