I need some advice...re sisterhood

rockchick · #1 10-07-2001, 01:59 PM

Hello members of Greek Chat, I've been reading messages here for a few months, but this is the first time for me to actually post. I am looking for some advice. I go to a large midwestern university with a fairly big greek system. In August, I went through formal recruitment and ended up in a chapter I love. Here's the deal, there are sort of a lot of girls (about 40 in my pledge class, 115 overall) and, as of yet, I haven't "clicked" yet with anyone outside my pledge class. For example, my big sis has virtually ignored me (I don't know why, I was nice to her on bid day, but we've barely spoken since), and she's not very active anyway. When I see other girls running up to hug their big sis's, I feel like I'm missing out on something. In two weeks, each new member will write down 5 sophomore's names to be their pledge mom (which is more important than a big sis), and the new member coordinators match us up. Some girls have already unofficially "chosen" or "been chosen" by their family. There are 4 girls I have in mind, ones who I say hello to when passing between classes, but we haven't talked much otherwise. One of those girls rushed me, and seemed really cool, but I haven't had the chance to have a real conversation with her yet. I understand that, by not living in the house, freshman year will be a little strange, but I still want to get to know my sisters. I am very psyched to be in my house and want to be involved. Should I just work on developing friendships within my pledge class? Or are there any suggestions on opening up to them without seeming overly pretentious? Will things get better in time?

AGDLynn · #2 10-07-2001, 02:57 PM

Have you talked to your pledge trainer (or whatever the term is)? I know that it can be difficult when you have an "uncooperative" big sister. With that many new members, it's possible that your big sis, unfortunately, may have been asked to take a little which she really didn't want. But she shouldn't take it out on you.

Are there non-sorority things like classes, family, boyfriend, etc. that are taking her time or has something happened in the sorority that makes her not want to be more active?

Perhaps this is one of the things that you could talk about in your NM meeting. I'm not sure if the 115 is total pledges, but even with 40, there may be other NMs that feel left out as you do.

By discussing the situation, it will alert (but they should already know) that you and maybe others are having concerns.

Best of luck to you! This experience should make you want to be a terrific Big Sister when you get the chance!

33girl · #3 10-07-2001, 06:26 PM

rockchick,

Just concentrate on who you want to be your pledge mom. That is the person who will be your mentor all through school (and hopefully, life). The girl who is your "big sister" (we called them sponsors) is just supposed to help you get acclimated to Greek life, etc, till you get that permanant connection. Our sponsors were usually girls who didn't have seniority or $$$ to take a little but wanted to get to know the pledges well. Sometimes your sponsor ended up being your pledge mom, sometimes not. The sponsors are usually random chosen so sometimes it isn't a great fit, but it's only for a few weeks.

Try just hanging out at the house with the girls you are considering as your pledge mom and see who you feel the most comfy with. I know it must be kind of hard with a big chapter (my whole chapter when I pledged was not as big as your pledge class!), but if you make the extra effort it will be worth it and greatly enrich your experience. GOOD LUCK! :d

#4 10-07-2001, 07:39 PM

A few suggestions, for what they're worth. My chapter doesn't have a house, and our numbers are in the 20's rather then the 100's, however, many of the other greeks I knew from my university were much larger in number.

If you are wanting to get to know members outside of your pledge class, place yourself in positions were you will need to interact with others. For example, if your chapter has a study room/library, make use of it. If other members are study as well, after a few hours, sugguest a study break to get soda. Also, you're coming and going will be noticed. If you have informal/formal meals and seats are not assigned, try sitting with a table with few pledges and more actives.

You mentioned you have 4 sisters you are interested in for your pledge mom. Invite one or two of them to lunch. You might be suprised.

Good Luck and keep us posted!

Dianne · #5 10-07-2001, 11:13 PM

First of all, it's OK if you don't find your sorority soul mate right away. A lot of girls in my pledge class immediately got to be best friends and were totally joined at the hip. At first, I felt a little discouraged and left out. Now I've been in for 2 years, and I have developed those friendships. It just took me longer. Maybe it is the same for you. As far as the big sis/pledge mom thing, it's OK if you don't get someone who is like your best friend in the whole wide world. There's no law that says you have hang out with her every night or something. My advice would be to talk to your new member educator about your concerns and see what she suggests. If nothing else, be confident in the fact that you will make those friendships eventually. Obviously, you love your house, so I have hope for you. Keep your chin up!

ErikaXO · #6 10-08-2001, 10:12 PM

The important thing is that you make those connections in your chapter, not who they are with. If you are bonding with your pledge class, that's great....those are the girls you are going to go through the majority of your college experience with. It isn't unusual for there to be a little bit of separation between the older girls and the younger girls, particularly in a big chapter like yours. In Chi Omega, we had "owl pals" who were randomly assigned to us during our pledge period...we had a different one every week, mainly as a way for us to feel connected to the actives and get to know different people. After several weeks we got our big sisters....in most cases our bigs were the girls who we had gotten closest to during rush/owl pal period. My big was very attentive at first, but as I got to know more people in the chapter and she knew I was feeling comfortable, we started to drift apart. One major problem was that she was over 21 and I was only 18.....it wasn't like we could really go out together. I made my own friends in the chapter and actually she left school after my freshman year, so it didn't much matter. The point of all this is, don't worry too much about who your pledge mom turns out to be....just try to pick someone you like and think you'll get along with, and concentrate more on getting involved in your chapter and getting closer to the girls you are already bonding with. When the time comes, maybe you will be one of those pledge moms who is truly a big sis to her little and that will be your primary relationship in the chapter.