Question???

[In Need of Advice]

This is for anyone.

What would you do....

You are a freshman you see all these organizations to join and you decide you want to go greek, but you dont know any of them in the certain NPHC org. that you are interested in.

So you learn and research more and so the next year you and two of your friends move in with a person in that particular org that you want to be in. So you think that everything is cool and you get to know her and then realise that you dont like her.

So you stay away from her while she draws the friends that you move in with in her deceit and drama that is very constant in her life. Meanwhile your friends are not there and you are alone because you have distanced yourself away from them.

Then you find out that girl in the org of your choice starts talking about you behind your back and the more you learn about what she says about you (while she is smiling in your face mind you)the angrier you get.

All of a sudden christmas break rolls around and you and her (the one in the org) are the only ones in the dorm. Then she starts talking about the friends that were once yours behind their back, but at the same time you two are getting closer as friends.

Then the break ends and everyone is back and you and the friends (that were once yours) have a discussion to find out that the girl in the org was at the root of the problems that you and your friends had.

Then we all turned against her until she moved out and now everything is getting worse and it doesnt look good for you to join that org because she blackballed your name in this chapter.

My question is what do you do....you cant see yourself in any other org. and you know that org is the only one that you want to join.

Given the circumstances do you think about another org?

Confused to the Fullest

[ZChi4Life]

Whoa!
Is this for real??
If so, that's pretty deep! Hope someone can help ya cuz I haven't the slightest clue on this one!

[Allie_XO]

OK, I'm not an expert, but given what I know, this is what I would do. I would look very very closely into another org. If the group that you were originally interested in accepts girls like that, I would have serious doubts about them. So look very hard into other groups and see if you maybe DO feel something that you didn't at first recognize. If you still decide to persue membership in this one particular org, then go through rush. You may or may not get in, but you'll never know if you find out. That is a really tough situation, and I hope everything works out for the best. Anyone in a BGLO correct me if anything I said was wrong or against protocol or anything. Anyway - that is my take on things.

Allie

[ZetaAce]

In Need - Do not look in to another group!(Allie, I've got to disagree with you ) If you are truly interested in becoming a member of that organization, there are other ways to go about it, like joining a grad chapter.

You say that you don't know any other members in the chapter. Why? Have you been to any of their programs/events? Have you introduced yourself to any of them?

You say she's 'blackballed' you, but who's to say what will happen unless you try? If you don't make it, dust yourself off and try again. If you don't make it during your undergrad years, then you can always try grad chapter.

$.02
ZetaAce

------------------
FinerWomanhood: Learn it, Live it, Love it!

[mccoyred]

I agree, SisterFriend ZetaAce!!

In Need, I would also like to offer that if this member has this type of personality, then her sorors know this and would give appropriate weight to her opinion. She may have fooled them at first (in order to be accepted for membership) but they are probably onto her game.

Please take the proferred advice and meet other chapter members. As we all know, each org is bigger than any one member or any particular chapter. You must pursue the org that is right for you! If you must pursue grad/alumnae in order to achieve your goal, then do it!

Originally posted by ZetaAce:
In Need - Do not look in to another group!(Allie, I've got to disagree with you ) If you are truly interested in becoming a member of that organization, there are other ways to go about it, like joining a grad chapter.

You say that you don't know any other members in the chapter. Why? Have you been to any of their programs/events? Have you introduced yourself to any of them?

You say she's 'blackballed' you, but who's to say what will happen unless you try? If you don't make it, dust yourself off and try again. If you don't make it during your undergrad years, then you can always try grad chapter.

$.02
ZetaAce

BTW, must we continue to stress that protocol is different for NPHC and NIC/IFC orgs? I see you express your ignorance and ask for correction, but you have read this board long enough to KNOW the difference (or at least, to defer to those who do!).

Originally posted by Allie_XO:
OK, I'm not an expert, but given what I know, this is what I would do. I would look very very closely into another org. If the group that you were originally interested in accepts girls like that, I would have serious doubts about them. So look very hard into other groups and see if you maybe DO feel something that you didn't at first recognize. If you still decide to persue membership in this one particular org, then go through rush. You may or may not get in, but you'll never know if you find out. That is a really tough situation, and I hope everything works out for the best. Anyone in a BGLO correct me if anything I said was wrong or against protocol or anything. Anyway - that is my take on things.
Allie

------------------
MCCOYRED
Mu Psi '86
BaltCo Alumnae

Dynamic...Salient...Temperate...Since 1913

[In Need of Advice]

Yes, this is real! There is more to this story (a lot more)

I know all the members of the org. We all use to be cool until she went and told them what she thinks of us and they stopped talking to us, they follow my friend around and point and laugh at her. She too wanted to join this org.

Now she is at the point where she doesnt want to join anything and the people she meets that wants to join this org she is going to tell them not to.

This girl that was in the org pulled a knife out on my friend and made death threats on her life. The police know about it and the National Headquarters know about it. They were talking about pulling her letters but they didnt. The police even searched her property for the weapon but they didnt find it because she gave it to her soror.

She has done so much s**t and gotten away with it, not to mention this is the president of this org.

My friend and I are like we dont want to be apart of an org that condones this kind of violence. I mean does someone have to die before something is done.

But through this I still want to be in this org, but no if this is what they are about and not if people like this are a part.

Question: Should I look into another org?

And I know she blackballed our names because she said so and not only that she is going to the graduate chapter when she gets out of college so there is no hope there either.

Still Confused

[mccoyred]

I am sssooo sorry that you have to put up with this craziness. You and your friend may be better off not associating with these girls. As far as being blackballed in the grad/alumnae chapter, grown women tend to act more mature. Also, her one vote, esp being a new college grad, will definitely not carry as much weight.

I hope things turn out okay for you.

Originally posted by In Need of Advice:
Yes, this is real! There is more to this story (a lot more)

I know all the members of the org. We all use to be cool until she went and told them what she thinks of us and they stopped talking to us, they follow my friend around and point and laugh at her. She too wanted to join this org.

Now she is at the point where she doesnt want to join anything and the people she meets that wants to join this org she is going to tell them not to.

This girl that was in the org pulled a knife out on my friend and made death threats on her life. The police know about it and the National Headquarters know about it. They were talking about pulling her letters but they didnt. The police even searched her property for the weapon but they didnt find it because she gave it to her soror.

She has done so much s**t and gotten away with it, not to mention this is the president of this org.

My friend and I are like we dont want to be apart of an org that condones this kind of violence. I mean does someone have to die before something is done.

But through this I still want to be in this org, but no if this is what they are about and not if people like this are a part.

Question: Should I look into another org?

And I know she blackballed our names because she said so and not only that she is going to the graduate chapter when she gets out of college so there is no hope there either.

Still Confused

------------------
MCCOYRED
Mu Psi '86
BaltCo Alumnae

Dynamic...Salient...Temperate...Since 1913

[AXO Alum]

Originally posted by In Need of Advice:
This is for anyone.

If you're looking for an answer regarding an NPHC organization, you might want to say that instead of "anyone" -- otherwise people might get defensive

Good luck with your situation - even though you stated that this is for anyone, I will recognize the rights of others for me not to post

[Allie_XO]

I'm sorry! I did preface and close with a defer to others more knowledgable. She did ask anyone. I'll keep my mouth shut from know.

[Sensational08]

In need: The answer to your question lies within your own heart. You should look deep within yourself for the answer. In your first post you stated that you can't see yourself in any other organization and that you know that organization is the only one you want to join. In your second post, you state "but through this I still want to be in this org". It seems to me that you already have your answer. As Mccoyred stated, each organization is bigger than any one member or any particular chapter. My advice is that you pursue membership in the organization that is in your heart, because if you do become a member of an organization which is not what you wanted, it will likely be one of the biggest mistakes of your life. Remember, membership in a NPHC organization is for life. Further, you state that you all live in a dorm, so chances are that you all are not from the same city. I don't know if you are aware or not since you stated in your second post that "she is going to the graduate chapter when she gets out of college", but the NPHC organizations have (by far) more than one graduate chapter. In fact, most larger cities have more than one grad chapter. In closing this long post, I will say that Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Incorporated was, is and will always be in my heart and I could not imagine being a member of any other organization. I never even considered any other organization. I LOVE MY AKA !!!

[12dn94dst]

I'm about to veer to the left a little and get some things off my chest about this post and a couple others in Greek Life. I don't mean to offend, but if i do, SUCK IT UP and keep rollin. Send all hate mail to the e-mail addy in my profile.

Comments made here were EXACTLY what I was referring to in "Possible Problem in Greek Life" in the Moderators Forum. What I said was: "...that's the whole problem...some people don't know how to not say anything if they're really not sure. i know people are only trying to help, and i'm sure the rest of my NPHC fam do as well, but giving incorrect information is harmful as well. additionally, as I'm sure you've all discovered, there are certain things that we cannot discuss on this forum that y'all would have no way of knowing."

True enough, In Need did say "anyone." However, I can ask "anyone" for a play-by-play about doing brain surgery, but is that advice valuable or meaningful if "anyone" is a plumber? Before y'all start jumping on me, yes I understand that we're all greek together, BUT an NPC/NIC member trying to answer a question about NPHC protocol is like a plumber trying to answer a question about doing brain surgery. Let me go one step further, just to make this a little more clear. Have you ever read an Alpha, Delta, Sigma, AKA or SGRho on this board answering a specific question about Zeta, Omega, Kappa or Iota? We're all in the NPHC together, and although there are many similarities, there are even more differences and idiosyncracies known only to members of the respective organization.

None of us (NPHC, NPC, Local or NIC) know any more about the other's rules (written & unwritten) and regulations than what's posted on this board or what we may be privy to through friends. HOWEVER, I would HOPE that we all know that there's more to the rules & regulations that what's posted here...and if you don't know the rules, keep your mouth shut because that's how rumors, incomplete information and flat out wrong information are spread. we have enough of that happening within ALL our memberships: NPHC, NPC and NIC alike. I'm sure none of us wants or needs the outside "help."

I'm done. Once again, direct all hate mail to the address in my profile. If you got this far, thank you for reading.

TWO FANGAS

[This message has been edited by 12dn94dst (edited March 12, 2001).]

[CrimsonTide4]

In Need:

Please let me offer you some advice. First I don't know how you and this young lady came to meet and become roommates, but what drew you to be her roommate? Was there a friendship there or a friendship of opportunity. I would encourage you to become a better judge of people. It's not easy but when it comes to living with someone, it is not to be entered into lightly.
So you learn and research more and so the next year you and two of your friends move in with a person in that particular org that you want to be in. So you think that everything is cool and you get to know her and then realise that you dont like her.

My question is what do you do....you cant see yourself in any other org. and you know that org is the only one that you want to join.

Given the circumstances do you think about another org?
You have already answered your own question. If this org is the ONLY one for you, then you work hard to make that dream/goal a reality. All of the NPHC orgs are bigger than the collegiate chapter and graduate chapter. WAIT ON IT!! But while you wait, keep your stuff, your affairs in order.

And I know she blackballed our names because she said so and not only that she is going to the graduate chapter when she gets out of college so there is no hope there either.
HONEY, there are soooooo many graduate chapters all around the world. This young lady cannot stop your show.


My sister, be encouraged and don't give up hope.

[33girl]

No matter NPC, NPHC or NIC, I do know this. There are bad apples in EVERY chapter of EVERY org occasionally. If there weren't, we wouldn't have any of the problems we discuss on this board. Some people are fab when you first meet them then they do a 180. Stop looking at that person who's standing in front of you in your way and look to your left and to your right.

[In Need of Advice]

Thank you all for your responses and the ones who were offended dont be. I didnt mean to offend anyone when I said "this is for anyone" Im sorry about that.

Next, CrimsonTide,
We didnt choose to be roommates. Housing put us together. We were just random people put together. We didnt know about how she was or how she handled herself. That was a total surprise to us. To her we were just her "puppets" and she didnt care about anyone, that was not in her sorority and to tell the truth she really didnt care about them either, but that aint going to change anything.

MccoyRed,
Her sorors know, her gradute chapter knows, and her Headquarters know. What have they done??? NOTHING!!!!! They continue to act like it never happened. Which is like saying that they condone that type of activity (pulling the knife out and making death threats). We went through EVERYBODY and there was nothing that could be done. So again she gets away with it.

Which means we end up looking like fools and she gets the last laugh. I mean D**N what is going on? Not only that she rubs it in every chance she gets. And its not just her, her sorors back her up with everything. Its like they are saying yeah she was wrong, but so what. Not that they shouldnt be on her side, but what about being an individual. Someone should have said look, just leave them alone and they will leave you alone, but instead they ALL act like children.

Go figure! Sometimes I want to stay independent because of they way they act.

STILL CONFUSED!

[AXO Alum]

Originally posted by 12dn94dst:
HOWEVER, I would HOPE that we all know that there's more to the rules & regulations that what's posted here...and if you don't know the rules, keep your mouth shut because that's how rumors, incomplete information and flat out wrong information are spread.

Hmmm....keep your mouth shut?? You know, in my opinion, this board would not be nearly as interesting and happening as it is if every single one of us kept our "mouth shut" based on what others think we should or should not post. Allie was offering her "take" on things -- she is not a moderator and has not had the opportunity to view the entire thread we have discussed in the moderator's forum. And while you don't think us plumbers of the NPC are capable enough to understand the work of the brain surgeons in the NPHC, it doesn't negate the fact that "In Need" asked for "ANYONE" -- this is why, in the medical field, there are such things as second and third opinions (which obviously "In Need" got).

Allie gave her opinion -- which is what everyone on here does all the time. She was called out for being "wrong" and I think she's had her beating so can we please move on with the topic at hand? At least for those of us "entitled" to answer....