Curious

[TexasRose]

I have been going through this thread for a few days, but I have noticed that it's very inactive lately so if I'm re-asking the same old thing it's only because I'm not sure if the other threads are still accurate and up to date. I've noticed this is a hot button topic for some, so I'm sincerely trying not to step on any toes.

To make a long story short, my college funding is not going to go through, so I will not be attending after all. I thought that that would cut sorority rushing out of my life, but then I started reading through this board (although I do realize that AI is very different from regular rush and recruitment).

I don't want to pour out my heart on here and go on forever, but I think I could write a few pages on any of the questions, like why do I want to join an NPC sorority or what could I contribute? But overall, this is something important to me that I would like to look further into.

My first issue is, I'm not sure who it is "okay" to contact. I don't know any greek women (and please, I beg you, before anyone gives me hate comments about how I shouldn't want to join a sorority if I don't know anyone in it, please consider that many people don't know any greeks when they are regular PNMs, so I don't feel like this is a crazy idea). Would anyone be able to point me in the direction of sororities I could look into that would be open to a PNAM contacting them and expressing interest?

Like I said, I've gone through the thread repeatedly, and although there's a list saying which sororities are open to PNAMs on here, it's difficult as an outsider to figure out the different eligibilities as an outsider.

I contacted one sorority already because I knew their local reputation and thought very highly of them. Nationals just responded saying that only members could initiate that process and the message was pretty unfriendly in general (I had hoped that they might refer me to a local group I could meet who might decide over time if I would be a good fit). And I understand that it's their group and their decision on how to handle these things, but when you don't have a lot of connections to the greek world it is very discouraging to get the cold shoulder right away. How do you make friends with women that you don't know?

Okay, sorry, I got a little off topic there. I don't expect any process to be quick or easy, but if anyone could give me advice on which sororities might be more open to my reaching out to them (over them reaching out to me), and/or how I might be able to meet some of these ladies to express my interest and maybe make some friends "on the inside" as it were (it just seems strange to find someone and say "oh, you're a ABC, can we be friends?"), I would be grateful to hear it.

[LucyKKG]

Originally Posted by TexasRose

I have been going through this thread for a few days, but I have noticed that it's very inactive lately so if I'm re-asking the same old thing it's only because I'm not sure if the other threads are still accurate and up to date. I've noticed this is a hot button topic for some, so I'm sincerely trying not to step on any toes.

To make a long story short, my college funding is not going to go through, so I will not be attending after all. I thought that that would cut sorority rushing out of my life, but then I started reading through this board (although I do realize that AI is very different from regular rush and recruitment).

I don't want to pour out my heart on here and go on forever, but I think I could write a few pages on any of the questions, like why do I want to join an NPC sorority or what could I contribute? But overall, this is something important to me that I would like to look further into.

My first issue is, I'm not sure who it is "okay" to contact. I don't know any greek women (and please, I beg you, before anyone gives me hate comments about how I shouldn't want to join a sorority if I don't know anyone in it, please consider that many people don't know any greeks when they are regular PNMs, so I don't feel like this is a crazy idea). Would anyone be able to point me in the direction of sororities I could look into that would be open to a PNAM contacting them and expressing interest?

Like I said, I've gone through the thread repeatedly, and although there's a list saying which sororities are open to PNAMs on here, it's difficult as an outsider to figure out the different eligibilities as an outsider.

I contacted one sorority already because I knew their local reputation and thought very highly of them. Nationals just responded saying that only members could initiate that process and the message was pretty unfriendly in general (I had hoped that they might refer me to a local group I could meet who might decide over time if I would be a good fit). And I understand that it's their group and their decision on how to handle these things, but when you don't have a lot of connections to the greek world it is very discouraging to get the cold shoulder right away. How do you make friends with women that you don't know?

Okay, sorry, I got a little off topic there. I don't expect any process to be quick or easy, but if anyone could give me advice on which sororities might be more open to my reaching out to them (over them reaching out to me), and/or how I might be able to meet some of these ladies to express my interest and maybe make some friends "on the insider" as it were (it just seems strange to find someone and say "oh, you're a ABC, can we be friends?"), I would be grateful to hear it.

I may be swerving out of my lane a bit, but here's what I think. (Btw, my sorority doesn't do AI, so I'm not speaking from personal experience.) I think AI is usually the exception to the rule in NPC sororities. It is an honor for a woman who knows members of a specific sorority and is involved in their activity. I think that's why people are offended by "sorority shopping."
I'm sure other people on here have more experience and are more knowledgeable, but that's what I think. You could check out non-collegiate sororities like Beta Sigma Phi. I know there's a thread about that here somewhere.

[FSUZeta]

texasrose, i am sorry the hear that your college funding will not be available for you this year. i hope that you won't give up on attending college,if not this semester, then the next or next year. perhaps then you can pursue sorority membership in the conventional way.

as far as AI goes, the GC threads are pretty spot on as far as answering the questions you have posed above.

[TexasRose]

Thank you, I do get that exception-to-the-rule vibe from some sororities, but then others seem to be very open to it, so I would just truly love to explore my options.

And I really don't mean to look like I'm "shopping" but as an outsider it's a lot like being new to campus - there might be a lot of sororities and you have no idea how to tell them apart at this stage, so you start to narrow them down by what you learn and who you meet eligibility with and so forth. So I'm trying to look at it as the first step in the "you'll end up where you're meant to be" process. I apologize if this is offensive to anyone reading it, I would be grateful to belong to an organization that I could love as much as you all love yours.

[agzg]

I'm not trying to be nasty here, so please don't read that into my response, because I really am sorry that your funding fell through. With that said - does that mean you won't be getting a degree at all? I believe Alumnae Initiates for at least some NPC sororities must be holders of bachelor's degrees (at least).

[TexasRose]

Originally Posted by OTW

This.

To the OP, since you won't be going to college, you won't be able to participate in sorority rush. So yes, you'll be cutting sorority rush out of your life forever. Joining an NPC sorority via Alumnae Initiation is a whole 'nother ball game that should never be compared to or likened to sorority rush.

If you do decide to shop around for sororities, don't be surprised if you get similar responses from their inter/national offices like you did with the group you already contacted.

I apologize that I've apparently offended you, but it seems like you're lumping me into a category and I apologize if I come off poorly. I did say that I was aware that AI is completely different from rush, and never said they were similar - I expect it to be thoroughly more difficult in fact. I don't see this situation as shopping as much as looking to find who I might be a good fit with - and obviously if I don't meet their eligibility requirements, then I'm not going to be a good fit.

But if you have the drive and ambition to peruse this option, what do I do, just give up because it's not the normal path? I'm just trying to find guidance, because I am sincerely interested in meeting with women from these groups, establishing friendships and connections, but when you're on the outside looking in it's hard to know what to do and where to make your first step.

[TexasRose]

Originally Posted by agzg

I'm not trying to be nasty here, so please don't read that into my response, because I really am sorry that your funding fell through. With that said - does that mean you won't be getting a degree at all? I believe Alumnae Initiates for at least some NPC sororities must be holders of bachelor's degrees (at least).

I've heard different things on the topic when reading through this board. Some don't mind if you've never been to school at all, some want you to be graduated, others just want you to have ever attended - but this all might be outdated by now (and no one was mentioning names, so I have no idea who's who yet).

[KSUViolet06]

With alot of sororities, a woman who is interested may NOT contact the HQ, as the process must be initiated by a member or alumna chapter.

They're not being "cold." Just following procedure.

Also, every sorority does things differently, so it would be amiss for any of us to try and "recommend" a sorority because they allow women to contact them. We do not know how other sororities work.

I feel it's important to point this out: Alumna membership in a sorority is VERY different from being a collegiate member. I think it's worth noting that the experience is not the same as being active in college. If you're looking to AI because you want "the college sorority experience", I'd rethink that.

[TexasRose]

Thank you KSUViolet. I don't expect to have the collegiate experience at all and I would expect my involvement (should I ever get in anywhere) would start like a regular alumnae with joining a local chapter, fund raising, support, and other such things. No intentions here of trying to go to all the active events and formals and such.

Perhaps I did express myself poorly. When I spoke about recommending, I was thinking more of "I know our sorority ABC does this" or "my friend got in touch with XYZ this way" and so on. I'm sorry, I don't mean to have people randomly tell me that XYZs the way to go when they're an ABC, but to hopefully offer their knowledge and experiences.

And when I call them cold, I do understand that it's their group and rules and so forth. But from my perspective it would have been nice to have some type of encouragement from them, maybe that if I was really interested in them I could meet with members, make some friends, and begin to see if I would be a good PNAM. If that's not the way they do things, then that's fine, I get it, it's just a little sad for me.

Thanks again!

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by TexasRose

And when I call them cold, I do understand that it's their group and rules and so forth. But from my perspective it would have been nice to have some type of encouragement from them, maybe that if I was really interested in them I could meet with members, make some friends, and begin to see if I would be a good PNAM. If that's not the way they do things, then that's fine, I get it, it's just a little sad for me.

Thanks again!

I'm going to be a little honest here, maybe you an appreciate that:

If you are looking for sorority HQs to pat you on the back, point you in the direction of alumnae chapters so you can meet them, and say "good luck," then AI is not for you. The sororities are not going to take your hand and spoonfeed you.

Perhaps you misunderstand AI. It is intended to honor specific women who have contributed to the sorority but may not have had the opportunity to join a sorority in college. Or to give the opportunity for members to recommened specific women in the community whom they know could be great members (but did not go Greek in college).

When sororities initiate an AI, it says that "this woman is so special that we feel the need to make an EXCEPTION to our normal recruitment methods to initiate this woman as an alumna."

It's not like traditional recruitment, which is the way 99% of women join sororities. AI is not a typical mode for joining a sorority, it's more the exception and not the rule. It does not function as collegiate recruitment does. Which is why HQs respond the way they do. It's not promoted like recruitment is, because it is so rare and very few women are chosen for it.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by TexasRose

I did say that I was aware that AI is completely different from rush, and never said they were similar - I expect it to be thoroughly more difficult in fact. I don't see this situation as shopping as much as looking to find who I might be a good fit with - and obviously if I don't meet their eligibility requirements, then I'm not going to be a good fit.

Originally Posted by TexasRose

My first issue is, I'm not sure who it is "okay" to contact. I don't know any greek women (and please, I beg you, before anyone gives me hate comments about how I shouldn't want to join a sorority if I don't know anyone in it, please consider that many people don't know any greeks when they are regular PNMs, so I don't feel like this is a crazy idea).

I think this is why people have stated that collegiate sorority recruitment and AI are two completely different things. Because yes, you did compare them, but generally they work in two entirely different ways.

You asked if you should just "give up" because it's not the normal path. It's not that it isn't a normal path, it's the fact that it's not the proper procedure. From what I know about AI (some information also coming from members of other sororities that partake in it), it is a process that is initiated by collegiate and/or alumnae members of the sorority. It is considered an honor that you present to a person, often times without them expecting it. 99% of the time, I hear about non-member advisors, house moms, and mothers of members, who selflessly contribute large amounts of their time and/or money to the sorority, being asked to join through AI. For the most part, it is offered to people who think of the sorority and its members above all else... membership is just a bonus.

Just keep in mind that it generally isn't a simple process of introducing yourself to members, socializing with them, and having them extend you a bid. And yes, with at least some sororities, you do need some college credit under your belt before you're even considered for membership.

Not trying to be mean... just realistic.

[33girl]

How old are you?? If you are normal college age, you're not going to enjoy alumnae life very much.

And if you are an adult student, where were you planning to go to school & rush?

I'm not being overly nosy, just trying to understand what your expectations were to begin with.

[texas*princess]

I'm really sorry your funding didn't go through. THat is never a good thing. I hope you are able to somehow still attend college eventually and finish your degree.

With that said, I don't think AI is the answer.

While greek life is a great experience, it doesn't pan out for everyone - even people who ARE attending college - and AI it's not a go-around for membership for anyone.

Why is a NPC sorority experience so important to you? There are other avenues to get the friendship/phlianthropy/etc that greek life offers like Beta Sigma Phi & local Junior Leagues.

Alumnae membership is not the same experience you would have as a collegiate. The two are very very very different.

And like someone already mentioned, there aren't any updates to NPC AI. The info out on the AI subforum are still pretty accurate. It's an exception, not the rule - even to groups that decide to AI more often than others. It's not an alternative for people who couldn't rush, or didn't rush for whatever reason. It's an honor given to women that the initiated members decide on.

[VandalSquirrel]

There are women in my family who did not join a sorority (or even go to college!) and they have found other fraternal groups to be involved in. My mother and sister are very involved and very happy in Daughters of Norway, and I know there are other groups for various ethnic heritages or even for women who have ancestors who are veterans of certain wars, re-enactment groups, The Moose/Eagles/Elk, Junior League, religious groups, and so on. If you're looking for a group to join it doesn't have to be a greek lettered sorority at all.

[BlueCarnation]

I would also follow-up with asking why you are so intent on joining a sorority? That's not a critical statement--just an honest question. You can do a lot and meet a lot of great people in the kinds of organizations that other people have mentioned. I went to college and had no clue about sororities other than the fact that my friends at other schools joined them and that's just what people from my town did. Looking back, that's not a great reason to have done it, but in the end, it was a great decision for me.

Is there a way for you to work for a while then go to school? All of us who have joined sororities have one thing in common--we went to college. If you can possibly find a way to go to school, I would strongly suggest doing so. The extracurriculars will come after that. If it's a sorority, then that's great.

Good luck!