De-Pledged

[Tape Dispenser]

When I participated in formal rush at my school, I decided to suicide one of the houses after prefs. I ended up not getting a bid to that house, but I did end up getting snap bids to two different houses. After deliberating it with my Recruitment Counselor and some of my hallmates, I decided to accept one of the snap bids.

However, all throughout the bid night party, I felt like I had made a mistake. Everyone else there was so excited and happy to be there, and I just felt out of place. The next day I contacted the sorority president and told her that I needed to drop out of pledging because of financial reasons.

At first I was content with my decision, but as the semester has gone by, I’m starting to feel like I made a mistake. I’m somewhat ashamed to admit this, but I think part of the reason I felt uncomfortable in that house was because I got wrapped up in the “status-y” aspect of sorority life and was embarrassed to be associated with a sorority that wasn’t considered the most desirable. The more I have thought about it, the more I am starting to think that I should have just stuck it out; after all, I had really connected with two of the sisters I met on bid night, and one of the other pledges was in my rush group and we got along very well. Greek life appeals to me not only because of the social aspects (I love getting dressed up for parties!) but also because of the traditions and rituals as well as the advantages of an extensive alumni network

So, in sharing my situation with you all, I am asking if any of you can give me some guidance. Should I reach out to my old house and see if there is some way for me to get another opportunity to evaluate if they are the right fit for me? Because I am ineligible from participating in informal rush, should I participate in formal rush again knowing that there is no guarantee the results will be any different? If I do participate in formal rush again, is the stigma attached to someone who de-pledges so great that my rush experience will be negatively impacted? Or should I just look around my school for other activities to immerse myself in?

Thank you!

[OtterXO]

Well assuming that the chapter doesn't know your reason for de-pledging was for status and not really financial reasons, it probably couldn't hurt to reach out to the old chapter again. Someone else can correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe you would be able to re-pledge at that chapter in the spring since your bid card obligated you to that chapter in the fall - assuming they were open to it.

I don't know how other chapters will take that if you go through formal recruitment again. It depends on how much they know and how you are able to spin it. Generally chapters aren't jazzed to take a NM who de-pledged from another chapter, no matter what the reason for de-pledging. And please know that no matter what school, cuts are generally heavier for sophomores and a lot heavier for those who have gone through recruitment before. You need to accept that you may not end up in a house at all before deciding to go through formal recruitment again.

[KSUViolet06]

Trying to answer all of your questions here:

It couldn't hurt to contact the sorority you depledged. However, tt's up to them to decide whether to allow you to re-pledge.

In terms of formal recruitment, at some schools, girls who rushed last year have a hard time getting bids the second time. But there are others where girls who depledged last year have the same chances as everyone else. So it depends on where you go to school.

Also consider the fact that if you are at a school with a competitive recruitment, it may be difficult for you to get a bid as an upperclassman.

[LadyLonghorn]

Originally Posted by Tape Dispenser

When I participated in formal rush at my school, I decided to suicide one of the houses after prefs. I ended up not getting a bid to that house, but I did end up getting snap bids to two different houses. After deliberating it with my Recruitment Counselor and some of my hallmates, I decided to accept one of the snap bids.

However, all throughout the bid night party, I felt like I had made a mistake. Everyone else there was so excited and happy to be there, and I just felt out of place. The next day I contacted the sorority president and told her that I needed to drop out of pledging because of financial reasons.

At first I was content with my decision, but as the semester has gone by, I’m starting to feel like I made a mistake. I’m somewhat ashamed to admit this, but I think part of the reason I felt uncomfortable in that house was because I got wrapped up in the “status-y” aspect of sorority life and was embarrassed to be associated with a sorority that wasn’t considered the most desirable. The more I have thought about it, the more I am starting to think that I should have just stuck it out; after all, I had really connected with two of the sisters I met on bid night, and one of the other pledges was in my rush group and we got along very well. Greek life appeals to me not only because of the social aspects (I love getting dressed up for parties!) but also because of the traditions and rituals as well as the advantages of an extensive alumni network

So, in sharing my situation with you all, I am asking if any of you can give me some guidance. Should I reach out to my old house and see if there is some way for me to get another opportunity to evaluate if they are the right fit for me? Because I am ineligible from participating in informal rush, should I participate in formal rush again knowing that there is no guarantee the results will be any different? If I do participate in formal rush again, is the stigma attached to someone who de-pledges so great that my rush experience will be negatively impacted? Or should I just look around my school for other activities to immerse myself in?

Thank you!

Should I reach out to my old house and see if there is some way for me to get another opportunity to evaluate if they are the right fit for me?

Re-pledging should be something you feel in your heart, not something to be looked upon as a "re-evaluation" of how the women suit your needs. You need to be honest about this with the women of this sorority as well as honest about the real reason you dropped. They deserve to make an informed decision about you.

If I do participate in formal rush again, is the stigma attached to someone who de-pledges so great that my rush experience will be negatively impacted?

I think it would be an issue at many schools. From my perspective, someone who has de-pledged once is certainly a higher risk for retention the second time around.

[33girl]

For everyone's sake - get involved in other things. From the tone of your post, it sounds like if the group you depledged did give you another chance, you'd only break their hearts at some point, sooner or later. That's nothing against you, just that I don't think you will be happy with this group ever. The fact that you didn't even stick it out for a week is a red flag for me.

Put yourself in their shoes - what you did is the equivalent of if you would have been giving a party, someone would have walked in, said hi to you, looked around and maybe had a soda, and walked out 5 minutes later.

[Tape Dispenser]

The more I think about it, the more I realize I might just have a case of the grass always being greener on the other side.

Thank you all for your advice!

[kiteflyersmom]

I agree with whomever it was 2 or 3 posts ago that pointed out that you are not going back because you feel, that in your heart, this group is the one for you. Rather, you are going to go back to see if they suit YOUR needs.

If this is not the case, then go back and make a commitment and stick to it. Maybe those other (more desirable) chapters are not as flawless as you think.