Perfect fit

zackandmirifan · #1 02-07-2009, 02:44 AM

I have a problem... I don't know what to do because I got into a sorority that was ever even 2nd choice, except when it had to be after pref round b/c i was asked back to two houses. I was dying to get into my first pick (Sorority A) and everything seemed to...fit. I care deeply for their philanthropy and loved every girl I talked to. Unfortunately, I did not receive a bid from them, and ended up in a sorority that I never desired to be in. I kept sorority B on the list b/c I was trying to maximize my options, but I just can't stop thinking about how great it would've been to get into sorority A. I feel bad about this, I wish I was happier for being in sorority B, but I'm not. I like all the girls well enough and respect them greatly, but I just can't get over how I felt like I fit in way better at Sorority A. I know that since I accepted the bid from sorority B that I would have to wait a year to go through recruitment again (which next time I would do informal). But I really need to move out by this fall, so waiting a full year is problematic. I just don't know what do and was wondering if anyone had any suggestions. Thanks, sorry for the essay

KSUViolet06 · #2 02-07-2009, 02:48 AM

Welcome to GC..

Here's some really honest advice. I hope you can appreciate it:

Your feelings are not unusal, and there are times when girls are going to feel this way after recruitment.

However, if you are going to be happy in your new sorority, this is something you're going to have to get over.

As long as you keep thinking of what would have been, with Sorority A, you are NEVER going to enjoy yourself.

Think of it this way, the sorority that you got a bid to is one that WANTS YOU and WANTS TO GET TO KNOW YOU. Sorority A did not extend you a bid. Sorority B did. That means something.

So give them a fighting chance to get to know you and stick around. You obviously can't change anything now.

KSUViolet06 · #3 02-07-2009, 03:01 AM

I know, i'm double posting, but I thought of something else:

Also consider the fact that if you choose to drop out and go through recruitment again in a year, you may not get a bid. Will you regret dropping out of a sorority just to end up not Greek at all?

You have a chance here to be a part of a sorority that OBVIOUSLY wants YOU to be a part of it.

I always tell girls that the bid you get is to a sorority that you KNOW wants you to be a part of it. So it's alway worth giving it a chance.

APhiAnna · #4 02-07-2009, 03:39 AM

Would you rather not be in a sorority than be in Sorority B? At MANY schools, freshmen have the best shot at getting into a certain sorority. You may have absolutely no chance at getting into Sorority A next semester, and also may have no chance at getting any bid if you wait.

My advice? You are already bound for a calendar year anyways...go to as many meetings, socials and events as possible with your new chapter. Give them a fair shot. Don't be that girl who doesn't go to anything, and don't be that girl who goes to events but close-mindedly. Wait and see how your pledge class, who your big is, etc. If after giving it a fair shot it still doesn't work, then depledge right before initiation but know that you may have no second chance at Sorority A.

I wish I could tell you Sorority A will magically take you next year, but I don't know that at all. Give this one a shot, chances are it will work out...every year, every school there are PNMs who this happens to and 90% of the time they end up loving the chapter they end up in.

Gusteau · #5 02-07-2009, 10:36 AM

Read Smile Awhile's recruitment story...

http://greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?t=102042

Good luck to you!

Blue Skies · #6 02-15-2009, 01:57 PM

Give it time. You say that you like and respect the girls in your chapter, and that's an excellent basis for forming lasting friendships. You felt a bond with Chapter A, and that didn't work out, so it will take a bit of time for you to fully bond with Chapter B. But if you give it a chance, it will most likely happen. Throw yourself into all of the activities, and enjoy your new member period.

PeppyGPhiB · #7 02-19-2009, 06:59 PM

Think of it this way (I'm going to try to make this amusing, since we get this question a lot on GC)...

Once upon a time, you went on a couple of dates with Brad Pitt. They were lovely, quiet coffee dates, maybe dessert and a movie - the bill always split. He seduced you with his piercing eyes and the way he sipped his latte by the Starbucks fireplace. You were intrigued and excited about getting to know him better on future dates, but know that the two of you are by no means exclusive. So, you hedge your bets and accept a dinner invitation with a nice, respectable man who's been bringing you flowers and sending you sweet emails between classes. The two of you go out, have great conversation - though he's a little shy - and you like him enough to want to see him again. This man, whom we'll call Brian, is actually kinda cute, sweet, seems genuinely interested in you, and is pretty much your type, but c'mon, he's no Brad Pitt! He calls you up the next day to ask you out again, and though you return his call and accept the date, you're really hoping Brad will call. You go on the date with Brian, and all you can think of is Brad, Brad, Brad. Suddenly Brad texts you, and it's not good news. He's dumped you for Angelina Jolie! The nerve! You're pissed, and sad, and so upset that you forget about poor Brian, who is perfectly lovely and picked you up at your dorm for your date and everything. At the end of the night Brian asks you out again, because he still likes you, and you again say yes, and the two of you proceed to go on a couple more dates. But you never got over Brad - why did that stupid Angie have to come in and ruin everything?! After five more dates, you and Brian decide there's no point in the two of you going out again...you turned out to be different than he thought - kinda standoffish and closed off - and, well, you know Brian will never be the red hot Brad Pitt.

Are you really going to ruin things with Brian because you're stuck in a fantasy relationship with Brad Pitt?

Smile_Awhile · #8 02-19-2009, 07:12 PM

That's my recruitment story linked up there!

I know it seems painful, and you think it'll NEVER get better. Trust me in saying that you should stick around for at least a month. If you're still unhappy a month later, drop. But if you can see yourself being friends with those girls, stay. If you want to talk, PM me.

SigKapCoug · #9 03-06-2009, 07:38 PM

I got my second choice, and I am so glad I did. I wouldn't be as happy as i am anywhere else.