I really want to leave my fraternity...

Dart246 · #1 02-28-2009, 04:19 AM

I am in a NIC fraternity.

Recently the brothership has gone downhill severely to the point I refuse to go to the house unless I am 100% needed.

For example: We recently initiated a large amount of assholes but only a good 4 or so brothers. The pledge class after that was just as bad with almost no brothers. They are not doing philanthropy as required, nor any of their other things that are required.

We recently got a new house...and it looks like trash. They are telling all the brothers that they MUST live in the house for one year before leaving the university but it is the most expensive (and least impressive) house on campus. The dues are staying the same and/or increasing though the number of "brothers" is increasing at about 20-30 a year, and a graduation of about....2-5 a year.

We recently spent a very large amount on a indoor sports equipment though the house still needs major improvements and there is a large amount of bull going on.

But I digress, and prefer not to rant.

I would really like to leave my fraternity, but the problem is that I love being in the Greek community and involved. I am not sure what to do, but some days I would rather kill myself than be in my current fraternity (literally). I'm not sure what I should do, if I should leave my fraternity or just ride it out...but honestly I refuse to pay dues after this quarter as for me it is not worth it.

What should I do?

It has gotten to the point that I just don't know what to do at all...

knight_shadow · #2 02-28-2009, 04:32 AM

First of all, there is NOTHING about Greek life that is so serious that it should bring you to the point of wanting to kill yourself.

Are you an officer? What are you doing to try to change the situation? You may want to consider taking on rush/recruitment chair so that you'll have more pull when it comes to bringing quality guys in.

If brothers aren't pulling their weight, deactivate them or push to terminate their membership. Talk to your standards officer or (if he's not helpful) to a national volunteer who can help you clean house.

Dart246 · #3 02-28-2009, 04:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

First of all, there is NOTHING about Greek life that is so serious that it should bring you to the point of wanting to kill yourself.

Are you an officer? What are you doing to try to change the situation? You may want to consider taking on rush/recruitment chair so that you'll have more pull when it comes to bringing quality guys in.

If brothers aren't pulling their weight, deactivate them or push to terminate their membership. Talk to your standards officer or (if he's not helpful) to a national volunteer who can help you clean house.

I have done everything I can to express this. I have told our Rush Chair about the quality of members and the newer one was doing a better job, but was far too concerned about getting numbers than anything else.

I talked to the Vice-President about this, but nothing was done. I told him that I did approve of this one bit. I have tried very hard to have brothers do not do what they are suppose to do removed but the fraternity seems to want to makes sure that we keep our weak for some odd reason.

For example: We have one "brother" that smokes weed CONSTANTLY. He can't pay dues because all his money goes to weed. He can't contribute because he is high all the time; but the one time that I bring this up and that it is bullshit he got initiated and able to continue this way I am told that I am being too harsh and that I should give him a try.

I refuse to be an officer position as it requires that you live in the house and I refuse to live there. I do not want to live in a place where I am embarrassed for my parents to come in and see. A place that reeks of weed, alcohol, and vomit...which our alumni (the very few we have) see; and it is financially impossible to live there as it borders on almost $7,000 to live there.

knight_shadow · #4 02-28-2009, 04:53 AM

If you're required to live in the house anyway (per your original post), you really don't have an excuse not to take on an officer position. You can rant and rave all day, but unless you actually do something, nothing's going to happen.

Again, if your e-board is not listening when you bring up the issues, go above their heads. Talk to your regional representatives or national volunteer (not sure what options your org have available to you).

As far as the weed-smoking brother -- what he does on his own time is his business, but if it's affecting his abilities as a member, this needs to be brought up to standards. I'm surprised he's able to continue since he's not paying anything.

Dart246 · #5 02-28-2009, 05:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

If you're required to live in the house anyway (per your original post), you really don't have an excuse not to take on an officer position. You can rant and rave all day, but unless you actually do something, nothing's going to happen.

Again, if your e-board is not listening when you bring up the issues, go above their heads. Talk to your regional representatives or national volunteer (not sure what options your org have available to you).

As far as the weed-smoking brother -- what he does on his own time is his business, but if it's affecting his abilities as a member, this needs to be brought up to standards. I'm surprised he's able to continue since he's not paying anything.

The problem is that people are very relax about these things. They have no problem with it and when I am very blunt about how I think it is a problem and think it should be fixed people will agree and do nothing about it.

I have talked to nationals about the situation...spring quarter of last year and once again nothing came of it. We got no chapter advisor support, nor regional advisor. It has gotten to the point that I wish I had joined Sigma Ep when I had the chance. I am literally at the point that I would like to just kill myself before being active in my fraternity.

I have told the newly elected president that I refuse to live in the house. It is almost $7,000 a year, smells of weed and vomit 90% of the time. It is an embarrassment to be apart of and I can not afford it. So I would be out of the running for an office as people would not vote for me because they think I want to change too much and am far too abrasive.

As I said before I am so unhappy with my fraternity I would like nothing more than to leave, but at the same time I want to be involved in the greek community and I honestly just would rather kill myself then to not be greek.

knight_shadow · #6 02-28-2009, 05:28 AM

OK, the whole "I'd rather kill myself" thing is getting a bit overdramatic.

If you're not going to try to step up and make changes, nothing will change. If you don't anticipate improvement, then by all means, drop. Just know that your chances of joining another organization will decrease (I'm sure members of other GLOs will recognize you as "the ex-XYZ guy" if you drop).

kddani · #7 02-28-2009, 09:46 AM

Sounds like you're doing a lot of bitching and criticizing but not actually doing your part to make it better. Sorry, can't have any sympathy. People who bitch and moan about their GLO without doing anything to fix it are just as much a cancer on the group as those members who only join to party. You're not contributing anything and you seem to hate it, so quit. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

geryon · #8 02-28-2009, 11:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dart246

For example: We have one "brother" that smokes weed CONSTANTLY. He can't pay dues because all his money goes to weed. He can't contribute because he is high all the time

That's classic.

Is it Mexico's finest?

agzg · #9 02-28-2009, 12:05 PM

Stop being such a melodramatic whiner. Either get involved in the running of your fraternity or quit. Stop "tattling" to the VP.

Did you think that maybe nothings getting done because everyone is annoyed with your behavior?

APhiAnna · #10 02-28-2009, 03:19 PM

Hey, I really respect that you want such positive change for your chapter.

However, you also have to realize that you are a 18-22 year old guy in an organization with other 18-22 year old guys. Yes, people are going to smoke weed. Yes, people are gonna leave trash around and the house will smell. Yes, people are going to be irresponsible, reckless and at times, assholes.

Embrace the fact that you are in an organization with a bunch of young guys. They are not going to change for you. It sounds like you are trying to change them, but to be honest from the tone of your posts, it sounds like the chapter you want to create would be great philanthropically but would have no "life" in it. Is it possible you are taking things way too seriously? From your tone and exaggerations (I highly doubt the stoner really can't contribute to anything, I think that is a clear exaggeration) I honestly think you need to step back and realize that you guys aren't 40 and there are always going to be some juvenile hijinks going on. YOU ARE YOUNG GUYS FOR PETE'S SAKE. Embrace it and have fun with it while you can.

exlurker · #11 02-28-2009, 06:42 PM

Dart246,

If you do think strongly about suicide, PLEASE........

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service . If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Web site:
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline...FSQhDQodwhUylg

I want you to get help for yourself first. Then you may be better able to help your fraternity, if that's something you feel like doing in the future.

Take care of yourself!

geryon · #12 02-28-2009, 06:57 PM

Nothing in life is that serious. Borrow some of his weed and chill out.

Blue Skies · #13 02-28-2009, 07:26 PM

My brother's fraternity house was a rathole (the staircase was literally lined with beer cans, LOL!) but decades (and $$$) later, he still gets together with, and travels with his fraternity brothers -- and with friends from other fraternities as well. Take the long view, take on a leadership position (either with your own chapter, or your school's IFC,) relax a little, and see if you can get your stoner brother to both pay his dues and set some of his money aside for the future. Most collegians end up responsible citizens, even if it seems a far-fatched idea for some of them at present.

AKA_Monet · #14 02-28-2009, 07:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by exlurker

Dart246,

If you do think strongly about suicide, PLEASE........

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service . If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Web site:
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline...FSQhDQodwhUylg

I want you to get help for yourself first. Then you may be better able to help your fraternity, if that's something you feel like doing in the future.

Take care of yourself!

QFP...

Dart246,

Here is Metanoia.org... Good site and get the help you need.

There is also, 1-800-SUICIDE crisis hotline

And Samaritans.org whom you can email.

You have posted a threat to the continuity of this messageboard. I personally take your threat seriously and have the resources to share with you if you so desire. May you take this offline and find someone you can speak to regarding your issue.

Seriously,

Dr. AKA_Monet