A question for Phi Mu

Allie_XO · #1 03-07-2001, 06:14 PM

My roommate is a Phi Mu. She is a total psycho. BUT - I want everyone to know that she can put on a nice front. She seems really great at first, and then she starts acting crazy-like. Anyway, she never goes to chapter meetings, never goes to any functions, avoids all phone calls from Phi Mus, doesn't return phone calls, etc. In fact, people have been calling here and asking to talk to her and when I don't know where she is (she hasn't been here in almost a month) they start getting an attitude with me. I know that they think I'm covering for her, but I'm not - throw her to the lions! (Sorry, bad joke.) Plus, she has wretched grades. One of my best friends is a Phi Mu, and she told me that Beth will be on the roll until she disaffiliates or does something to get kicked off. Is that right? I thought that non-payment or inactivity would result in being taken off the rolls. Especially since she never told people that she was going to stop going - she just stopped! I know this is really none of my business, except that I know her parents and they keep grilling me about "how Beth is Doing." And I'm just curious.

Thanks!
Allie

CutiePie2000 · #2 03-07-2001, 06:44 PM

Is it possible that she could be unhappy, lonely, depressed, feeling isolated? (This can happen to college students) If she is no longer taking an interest in things that previously interested her (Phi Mu) and things are starting to slide (her grades) and she's disappearing for long periods...that doesn't bode very well. You might want to let her parents know that you have not crossed paths with her for a month...and then let them handle it.

[This message has been edited by CutiePie2000 (edited March 07, 2001).]

TxTechChiO · #3 03-07-2001, 06:58 PM

Well said, CutiePie2000. You whouldn't happen to be a pysch najor, would you?

I think that Allie_XO should speak to her roommate and try to find out what the real underlying problem is. She obviously needs someone to talk to. College students go through so much crap -I know we've all been there-and we all need someone to talk to, wether we realize it or not. Just talk to her.

Allie_XO · #4 03-07-2001, 07:38 PM

We have known each other for many many years - we had been best friends since 6th grade. The underlying problem is that 1. she has a boyfriend back home and 2. that she doesn't want to be here. She wants to get married - she spends all her time with him OR (and this is really odd) with her cousins who live in town. She does this because she knows how much I disapprove of her life choices - ie skipping classes to see her b/f, lying to family, etc. And I've caught her lying to me (and about me) several times. Every time I try to talk to her, she tells me that I am mothering her and that she can make her own choices... blah blah. So I have given up! I don't think she'll be back next year - there is a college near her boyfriend and I wouldn't be suprised if she ends up married and taking a class or two. The only reason she came here in the first place was that it was what you were supposed to do. After you graduate - you go to college. She joined a sorority because - and this is exactly what she said - she wanted to all the losers who stayed home to be jealous. She came in with a bad attitude - she is unhappy and isolated, but only because she made herself that way! Remember, she's the one not taking calls (from anybody) and not spending any time on campus or with anyone but her boyfriend. I would love it if she gave people her cousin's number so they could get in touch with her there, but she has run from things that she didn't like for as long as I've known her!

I agree about college students going through a lot of crap. My Freshman year would be perfect if I didn't have to deal with this! But I still would be interested in the whole Phi Mu thing - how do they react to something like that.

Allie

CutiePie2000 · #5 03-08-2001, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Allie_XO:
Every time I try to talk to her, she tells me that I am mothering her and that she can make her own choices... blah blah. So I have given up!

Unfortunately..."You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink..."
You tried, and you have to let her make her own choices, even if you think she's not making the best choices. If down the road, it becomes apparent that her choices were not wise ones, (she and boyfriend get married, then divorced, etc.), then be a friend a support her in her time of need.

Not perfect advice, but life isn't perfect either. You tried, and now it is time to step back. Good Luck!

PS No, I'm not a psych major, but I guess I have life experience to refer to!

shadokat · #6 03-09-2001, 01:08 AM

Most times, when an active member does not pay her dues or attend required events, she ends up in "bad standing", whereas she can no longer attend anything with the chapter until she pays up. For her, that might not be a big deal, since she doesn't seem to care anyway, but if she likes to say, go to mixers or parties, but doesn't like to do recruitment and the rest of it, then maybe telling her she is no longer welcome to attend social events until she pays her dues and straightens out would be helpful.

I know that our member at large and standards board would have this person in bad standing already, and they wouldn't be allowed to do anything with the chapter. Sometimes it ends up alienating sisters who do want to be involved, but may have something to deal with, but joining a GLO has responsibilities, and unless you're willing to face those responsibilities, then this may have no effect.

Just my two cents

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