Problem w/ a sister

PM_Mama00 · #1 08-24-2001, 01:13 AM

Ok...so I have this problem with one of my sisters. She was going out with a guy from ABC Fraternity for 5 months, but they were very serious. Serious to the point where they were talking about marriage and all that, even though they were in their first year of college, and only 18. They had a bad breakup. But since he is a member of ABC, it's hard not to be friends with him. Plus he lives near me. He has come out to shoot pool with me and my firend a few times. Last nite she called me from his cell phone and yelled at me!!

Saying that I didn't know about loyalty and all this other crap. And she added not to talk to her ever again. He has lied to her before about me, and I have a feeling he did again. I don't want to start anything with him cuz his brothers are awesome and I don't want problems with them (I have been there, done that). So what do all of you think I should do? Some say let her come to me, but with Rush coming up, it's gona be hard to be in a room with her for hours and have this tension!! Plus she is one of my sisters, and I love her dearly and I DO NOT want a guy to come between our friendship.

MoxieGrrl · #2 08-24-2001, 01:20 PM

IMHO, I think you should make it clear to her that you are in no way responsible for his lying. Yes, he may be a dirtbag in relationships, but he's still a good guy to hang out with. After all, you and this girl are sisters....maybe you can explain that in a sense, your loyalty lies with her first, but you still value his friendship.
Also, tell her point blank that you are NOT interested in dating him, so you are no threat to her. From what it sounds like, you have known him for a long time and could have dated him if you wanted to.
I guess my advice is easier said than done. These situations are *never* easy...I was in a similar one earlier this week. Give her some time to cool down and love her even more. Keep us updated! I'm crossing my fingers for ya!

PM_Mama00 · #3 08-24-2001, 03:26 PM

Well here's the thing....I met him through her. I'm actually the one who told him to pledge his fraternity, so actually she has known him for a bout a month or so more than me. Also, waht is IMHO??

LeslieAGD · #4 08-24-2001, 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by PM_Mama00
Also, what is IMHO??

IMHO = In My Humble Opinion or In My Honest Opinion

lovelyivy84 · #5 08-28-2001, 06:30 PM

Well to be quite honest, while you say that he is a great guy, the behavior that you describe does not make it seem like he is living up to the hype. A great guy would not lie to his girl. A great guy would not then drag an innocent third party into his own lies. A great guy would CERTAINLy not do this with two women who were sisters and who he KNEW were close.

He sounds like an ass to me.

It also sounds like he needs to get busted. He is BEGGING for it. You need to go to her and talk this through. Your relationship with you sister is what is really important here, and you need to get the truth straight between the two of you. After that you can decide what the best way deal with him is (you know it is very possible to be friends with a group of people while remaining cool towards a member of that group, I doubt that if he has really been acting up that his bros don't know and that they would blame you for being mad if they are really "great" guys). If all you want his friends for is to party then there shouldn't be a pronlem. If you want them as friends you might want to think about the way his behavior reflects on them....

James · #6 08-28-2001, 06:39 PM

I wouldn't worry to much about his Brothers giving you the cold shoulder if you and he are arguing, as quickly as girls will sell each other out over guys, guys will do it even quicker over a girl.

In this case I tend to mean guys and girls that are really more acquaintances than best friends . . . Although I have seen that happen also . . .

The people telling you to confront her are correct and don't be afraid to yell at her a little bit if she gives you a lot of grief. The tension never gets less with time . . . it always grows.

damasa · #7 08-28-2001, 07:26 PM

You shouldn't let some guy come between you and your sister. Tell her how it is, that you have no interest in him, but if you do...that's a different problem in itself. Tell him that you would like to stay friends with him, but explain to him how important your sisterhood is. As for fraternity brothers...they will love you all the same, we are all growing older, and conflict is a big part in life, getting through conflict is an even bigger part of life.

....Urm...but that's just my two pennies on the dolla!

d

PM_Mama00 · #8 08-29-2001, 01:35 AM

Ok. You all have given great advice. Here's an update: Me and my sister---peace wont be happening soon. She called me a hypocrite and stuff, told me I wanted the guy but that i wouldn't have a chance in hell with him. I DO NOT WANT HIM! UGH!!! She said I'm a hypocrite cuz I don't want anyone to hook up wtih a brother who I liked for 5 months (plus me and him used to be really good friends), yet I was hanging out with her ex. Friendship is another thing. I don' want people hooking up with him out of respect towards me, which is how it is with any boy that our sisters like. Me and Jason (the guy) are just friends. She's young, somewhat new...it's gona take a while. So that's the update. Thanx for all the help tho. BTW...I never said he was great. Actually, he's not that great or everything he's cracked up to be!

James · #9 09-17-2001, 01:26 AM

Are you sure you don't have a little feeling for him? Kind of sounds like it.

PM_Mama00 · #10 09-17-2001, 06:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
Are you sure you don't have a little feeling for him? Kind of sounds like it.

Um Yeah James...I'm pretty sure I have absolutely NO feelings for this guy. He's a total jerk, plus I just found out that some of my girls know that he cheated on our other sister. AND it was with a girl from our "rival" sorority. Believe me, I have higher standards than a piece of trash like him. However, I still sit in his section at the restaurant he works at cuz, well, he hooks us up with free stuff! Why not take advantage of him?

erniegurl00 · #11 09-18-2001, 02:11 AM

Honestly sweetie I think you should just give your sister some time and space. It'll give her time to cool off, and then approach her and just hash it out (aka talk calmly LOL). Make sure she understands the truth, and if she refuses to listen then maybe you shouldn't be friends anymore. True, you'll always be sisters, but don't fake friendship just because of that. (Does that make sense? I don't want to sound harsh, but something like that happened to me.

)

Either way I hope this thing works out.

SparkliiQTMTSU · #12 09-18-2001, 11:18 PM

I agree with erniegurl00. You should just give her a little bit of space and then calmy try and work it all out.

Nichole

PM_Mama00 · #13 09-18-2001, 11:44 PM

Thanks for all the advice. Well, the sister is pretty much ignoring everyone now. Phone calls, skipping meetings, etc. No one knows what's goin on. I've given up on her. She is mad at the rest of the chapter cuz we supposedly weren't there for her on her bday. Well, she has heard from the beginning that u get out what u put in, and she put in NOTHING! So oh well. I'm not even worried about it now, just annoyed.