NotSoRetro's Deferred Recruitment at a Private School

NotSoRetro · #1 10-30-2008, 03:30 PM

Since the board is alive with so many questions about deferred recruitment, I thought I would give you my "not so retro" deferred recruitment story. I will try to be as honest as possible so I will not likely reveal code names in the end.

I attended a private university in the South. The school is known for having a highly competitive recruitment process, particularly when I went through in the early 2000s. While several things have changed since I went through, the lessons I learned about how to "rush yourself" and make the most of the opportunities deferred recruitment presents seemingly have not.

I went to high school in a desirable suburban area and chose my university based on its academic offerings. However, I was really interested in joining a sorority and only applied to schools that had a thriving Greek population. I am a first generation Greek woman, but for whatever reason, my parents felt like this was a very important opportunity and pushed me to go through recruitment as well.

Although I have pretty average looks and style, in my high school, I was used to being the best and was pretty popular. It didn't come naturally to me at all though -- sadly I was consumed by the idea of being the best and tried really hard to be that way – elected class president, etc. I had pretty low self esteem, although I would never have admitted it, and I think my attitude toward recruitment was pretty similar to a lot of PNMs... in high school, I was a star and because of that, I will be in a star sorority (ugh, I am glad I have grown up since then!).

As soon as I decided where I'd be going to college, I started working on getting letters of rec for recruitment (because I knew that although they weren't "required", they were still a necessity). It was hard work to network and find one for every house, but after a couple of months and some awkward luncheons, I had done it.

At that time there were 8 chapters at my university (I'm using cities for code names because I am not very creative – sorry!):

Chicago
New York
Boston
Las Vegas
Los Angeles
Houston
Miami
Atlanta

I knew the system as a whole was VERY strong here, and I knew that every chapter had a high number of members, solid sisterhood, etc., but that at the same time there was a set tier system. Prior to arriving at school, here's what I knew about some of the individual chapters:

New York – a girl from my high school was a sister here and my best friend's mother wrote my recommendation. I knew they were a really good chapter with a strong GPA and a lot of involvement on campus. However, I would have never considered myself in the same realm as the girl I knew. In my snotty 18 year old mind, I was way cooler than her!

Atlanta – It seems like everyone I knew who was Greek was an Atlanta. Seriously! I had offers for tons of recommendations to Atlanta, but was nervous about seeming over-eager so I only had two sent in. One was from a really influential alumna though, so I always felt like I had a really good shot with this chapter. Also, some of the alums who were helping me with recruitment showed me a lot of their pictures from Atlanta parties, scrapbooks, etc. These alums were doing a great job to rush me, and I was pretty certain that I would be happy as an Atlanta.

Prior to starting school, most of my high school friends went through recruitment at their respective universities. A ton of them went Atlanta which just fueled my ambition to be an Atlanta. They also had perfect rushes – meaning they were never cut by a house. Because I was used to being friends with the "best" and was always trying to be even better than them, I started to develop the expectation that the same thing would happen to me – I would be one of the top rushees on campus and get whatever I wanted!

KSUViolet06 · #2 10-30-2008, 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NotSoRetro

Prior to starting school, most of my high school friends went through recruitment at their respective universities. A ton of them went Atlanta which just fueled my ambition to be an Atlanta. They also had perfect rushes – meaning they were never cut by a house. Because I was used to being friends with the "best" and was always trying to be even better than them, I started to develop the expectation that the same thing would happen to me – I would be one of the top rushees on campus and get whatever I wanted!

I always appreciate it when people come here and openly admit to having this kind of an attitude during recruitment, because I feel like alot of PNMs tend to have this type of attitude coming from HS, but they obviously don't admit it.

ASTalumna06 · #3 10-30-2008, 03:50 PM

Yay for a recruitment story. And it sounds like it'll be a good one

(rooting for Boston!)

NotSoRetro · #4 10-30-2008, 04:00 PM

I arrived on campus so excited to be a part of everything… I got involved in a lot of organizations, went out regularly, and tried my best to meet lots of people. But, I had trouble letting my guard down and although I was friendly, I never really put myself out there enough to make strong friendships that first semester, especially with sorority women. Although a lot of sorority women sought me out and rushed me, I was too nervous to seem like I really liked one group more than another because I was terrified that might get me cut or make me seem like I thought I had it in the bag (even though I totally thought I did).

Also, like any private school, there were tremendous displays of wealth at my school. I wasn't from a family that struggled by any means, but while I thought a Coach or Kate Spade handbag was "designer", the girls I was around looked at Coach in the same way I looked at Old Navy – a basic. It was all about Louis Vuitton, Prada and Christian Dior. I loved my NineWest shoes, but many of these girls talked on and on about their Manolos. Determined to fit in and used to being the best, I decided to not let this stop me. This was in the early days of Bluefly.com, so I started to pay attention and figure out ways to budget to get those must have items as soon as possible. My mother, who never went to college and wanted the best for me, could see that I didn't feel like I dressed right, so she quickly stepped up to try and boost my self confidence and took me shopping over Parents' Weekend and when I went home for Thanksgiving.

I met so many sorority girls in different ways. The main way to meet them at my school was through fraternity parties. Sorority girls wore their letters out at night and it gave us all an opportunity to see what each house was like socially. I also met sorority girls through my classes, a Bible study I was in, and some campus organizations. My dorm was a mixed dorm as well, and the girls on my hall were members of various chapters.

I went home for the holidays and went shopping with my mother for perfect rush outfits. I had never had so many new clothes all at once, and I was so excited to show them off at formal recruitment. Also, I received a couple of holiday cards from sorority women and was super excited to see which sorority's letters I would wear!

I came back a night early for our pre-recruitment meeting. I was so excited and can remember making a list with all of my friends on where we thought people would end up. Most people thought I would go Boston or Atlanta. My roommate was probably going New York or Los Angeles. A lot of girls wanted either New York or Atlanta. And a lot were at least vocally really open minded.

So immediately prior to formal recruitment, this was my perspective on each chapter:

Chicago - One of the best chapters on campus for sure. They were blonde, wealthy, from all over the US, and a lot of fun at parties. They had a reputation for having a drug problem, although I think that was mostly unfounded. I didn't think that I would ever, ever want to be one, because although they were a good chapter, I was brunette and not really that wealthy. I wanted to be the best, but I also didn't want to feel like I stuck out like a sore thumb.

New York - Again, this chapter had a reputation for being smarties. My Bible study leader was a New York and she was really sweet, but most of her friends were Atlantas. Some girls down the hall from me were also New Yorks, but they just seemed a little bit too nerdy for me. A lot of the freshman I knew , including my annoying roommate, really wanted to be New York', which discouraged me further. I would have been okay with being a New York, but I certainly wasn't dying to be one.

Boston - Definitely a great house with a great reputation. Bostons were pretty, sweet, and fun. Some were more Conservative, others went out a lot. They had a reputation for being really wealthy, but at this school, who didn't really. Most of my friends thought I would end up as a Boston, and I have to say, I was incredibly flattered everytime someone said that. I had gone to a lot of parties and met a lot of Bostons at them. Many of my girlfriends all wanted Boston too, and we knew that some of the sophomore Boston sisters were really pulling for us.

Las Vegas - I did not like this house at all, but a lot of other girls did. Everyone I met from this house was kind and laid back, but they just didn't seem to fit in with the school or the rest of the Greeks. They partied way too much and had an unflattering reputation. They might have had parties with all of the cool fraternities, but let's just say it wasn't because those boys wanted to marry Las Vegas girls. I knew that this house was too social oriented for me. I liked to go out, but I didn't think I could keep pace with these girls at all. I knew that the girls I had met from there really liked me, because they called me and invited me to dirty rush parties (tsk, tsk!), which made me scared that somehow other sororities would find out and I would be stuck with Las Vegas.

Los Angeles - This was the most competitive chapter on our campus because there is not one thing you could dislike about them. They were sweet Southern girls, really similar to the Bostons, but probably a little less focused on social activities and more focused on campus activities. I loved them and had the benefit of having gone to high school with their President-elect.

Houston - I don't think I ever thought about Houston at all in the first semester. They had a poor reputation on campus, had a poor recruitment the year prior, etc. My neighbor across the hall was a Houston, but she never did anything with Houston, never wore her letters, etc. I don't even think I knew she was in a sorority until November!

Miami - One of my floormates, Lauren, was a Miami, and I LOVED her to death. She was definitely my closest friend in a sorority and I would have loved to have been her sister, except she told me pretty early on that she would be happy for me to go wherever I chose. I read into this and thought she didn't really like her sorority. Later on she told me that she had really wanted to be a Boston and had grown up with a lot of Bostons, but even though she went there on pref night, ended up with Miami. She said being a Miami was fun, but I could tell it wasn't the same as being a Boston, at least not socially and reputation wise. I didn't have a bad opinion of Miami, but I knew it wasn't the best house on campus and I was sort of nervous that I might end up there and I didn't know how proud I would be to wear my letters.

Atlanta - I still loved Atlanta. They were awesome! Everyone I had met in Atlanta was really nice. Jenny, across the hall from me was an Atlanta, and I loved spending time with her. She invited me out to a lot of stuff and made sure I met plenty of her sisters. I also received phone calls from the alums who helped me prepare for recruitment telling me that Atlanta really wanted me. I had heard rumors about girls being RTP-ed, and it was pretty clear to me that the alums definitely considered me RTP material. This chapter of Atlanta was really involved on campus, had beautiful members, a high GPA and also made me feel like I was one of them.

violetpretty · #5 10-31-2008, 08:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zeta13Girl

Love the recruitment story keep it coming just have one question what does RTP mean???

Okay I'm not the only one who doesn't know what RTP means.

LadyLonghorn · #6 10-31-2008, 09:12 AM

Rush to Pledge

ASTalumna06 · #7 10-31-2008, 09:25 AM

^^ Ah, I c. I was going to guess Right To Preference

CougarGrad · #8 10-31-2008, 10:19 AM

As a Houston-area native (and UH graduate), I'm hoping they can turn around from previously poor recruitment and that rep and really make things positive for their chapter!

...but I'm excited to hear the rest of your story regardless of what happens with Houston.

NotSoRetro · #9 10-31-2008, 10:43 AM

I will take a step back from story teller to speak to "RTP"...

RTP was a term I heard a lot about on my campus (particularly as a freshman), but never really saw in action. It means "rush to pledge" and was used to describe when a group of alumnae from a particular sorority would label a girl as the top PNM from their area. I really don't think this is something that happens -- when I later became involved in my own chapter as an officer and now as an alumna in the same region, I never actually saw evidence that alumna tagged women with any kind of special designation over another. But, the perception that it happens is out there, particularly amongst PNMs who go a whole semester hearing all sorts of crazy gossip and rumors about membership selection and recruitment.

NotSoRetro · #10 10-31-2008, 10:51 AM

OPEN HOUSE

Determined to do our absolute best at Open House, my roommate and I decide to wake up super early so that we can get ready slowly, beat everyone else out on the hall for a hot shower, etc. I remember painstakingly blowing my hair out and putting on make up. I wanted to look the part of the perfect sorority woman! Open House was supposed to be casual, but our school was relatively dressy anyway, so most PNMs worse khakis or skirts. I wore a cute pair of fine wale cordouroys with a grey cashmere turtleneck and Tiffany earrings. Those earrings were a Christmas gift, and they were my pride and joy! It's so sad, but I felt such affirmation when I put them on.

We met our Rho Chi's to get our schedules and actually toured the houses with our Rho Chi groups. I had met my Rho Chi previously in the fall semester and thought for sure she was a Boston. She was from California, adorable and really fun, but down to earth. She was exactly the kind of sister I hoped to have 100+ of in a few days!

First up...

Houston - I was not excited to go to Houston based on fall semester, but we lined up outside and waited. They cheered really loudly and their song was definitely cute. We began to walk in and the sister who grabbed me was adorable. I was shocked -- people generally only said bad things about Houston, but this girl was great. We talked for a few minutes, and then I was bumped and another sister took me on a tour of the house. The house was okay -- it was a little dated, but it was still really nice. They showed us the bedrooms as well, and while it seemed like they had a close bond, I couldn't help but think of my neighbor who I didn't even know was a sister. I wondered how close their sisterhood really was and I was disappointed I had only met two members.

Los Angeles - I was so excited to get to meet some more girls here because I heard about this house so much my first semester. Their chant was intense! I loved it though -- it seemed like they really loved being Los Angeles and that they were ecstatic to recruit new members. I was picked up at the front door by someone I didn't know, but then bumped midway through the tunnel by my friend from high school. It was so awesome to see her especially since she was older and someone I had looked up to. Our conversation was a bit awkward, but she introduced me to so many sisters that I felt like it didn't matter. I definitely wanted to go back here.

Chicago - I had figured that there was no way I would be a Chicago, so I was really relaxed about going into this house. I really thought I'd be cut for being a brunette! They chanted us in and I was picked up by a girl who surprisingly looked exactly look me. She took me upstairs and showed me the house girls' rooms and also talked to me a lot about why she chose her house. The conversation was so much deeper than any other house and I did not want to leave... I had so much fun and found them to be totally relatable.

Boston - I had high hopes for this house, and I don't know if it was because it was right before lunch, but the energy here was so much lower than other houses. I was picked up by an upperclassmen who took me to talk to 4 or 5 of her sisters. There were so many of them that I felt like I wasn't being memorable enough. Just when I started to feel a little doubtful, one complimented me on my earrings (jackpot!) and we started a very surface level conversation about shopping. It didn't develop much further, but I did feel a lot more comfortable and left thinking I had made a positive impression.

Over lunch, we of course talked about our days. People were so shocked I had liked Chicago so much because it just didn't seem like me to them. We were all in agreement that Houston was just not a fit for any of us. After resting up for a little bit, we went back to the convocation and onto our afternoon parties.

New York - The New Yorks had an amazing chant and it was so exciting to go into their house. I was picked up by the girl I knew there from high school. She was so amazingly sweet and introduced me to tons of her sisters. We had a great conversation and laughed a lot! I definitely wanted to come back!

Atlanta - I was ecstatic at finally going into the Atlanta house. My alumna supporters had called to wish me good luck over lunch and I was really hoping this would be where I'd end up. Their chant was very intense, and I got to get a good luck at the entire chapter together for the first time. There were a lot of athletes, and while that's not really my personality, I had always had a lot of friends who were athletic. The other girls tended to be really involved, healthy, normal type girls, which was exciting to me. Their campus reputation was pretty average, but the alums I knew convinced me that it was pretty much the best. A senior I didn't know picked me up and I was bumped by so many other sisters that the party was really just a fun blur. I still wanted to know more and felt like I could really see myself here.

Miami - The Miami house really disappointed me. I didn't like their chant at all. They had split the party up into different rooms so we were able to sit down, which was nice but not very energetic. Their house was gorgeous, but I only met one girl. I asked about meeting my friend Lauren from across the hall, and was told we had to stay where we were. It was just awkward. The girl who rushed me had just gotten back from being abroad and seemed pretty clueless. I felt like I was rushing her.

Las Vegas - Yea! Last Party! I think at this point I was so physically drained, that I was hard to talk to. I don't have much of a memory of this party, other than I still didn't think this would be my home.

Now, this was pre-RFM, so we didn't rank chapters after the end of the day. Instead, we went back to the dorms for a couple of hours and then had to go to Accept/Regret later that night. Your Rho Chi would read you the names of the chapters you were invited back to and should you receive more invitations than you could attend for the next day, you had the opportunity to decline them or decline with interest. If you declined with interest, you could potentially continue to be invited back by the sororities you had declined, depending on their interest level in you and their own rush results.

I walked to our meeting spot and was SOO nervous I could barely breathe. My Rho Chi decided to call our group in an order that put me dead last, and so the nervous anticipation just built and built and built. Finally, she called my name and then read my list to me privately.

Chicago
New York
Boston
Las Vegas
Los Angeles
Houston
Miami
Atlanta

I couldn't believe that I had received all 8 invites back! We could go to a maximum of 6 houses the next day, and without a whole lot of hesitation, because I felt so on top of the world, I decided to regret with interest the following:

Houston
Las Vegas

We went back to the dorms and I saw that many of my friends did not have the same experience. In a bratty way that made me even happier that I had been chosen, but in another way it sort of gave me a bad taste. Some legacies were released early, and that made me irritated at those chapters. Also, a lot of my friends that were able to regret chapters actually decided to regret Boston and Chicago, which shocked me.

After much chatter and strategizing, I went to sleep and had recruitment dreams of my Rho Chi calling to tell me there was a mistake in my list and that I wouldn't be going back anywhere, etc. Happily that didn't really happen, and I woke up the next day and headed off to Philanthropy Day.