counseling

alphaxihoney · #1 10-16-2004, 11:10 PM

I wasn't sure what forum this belonged in so since "chit chat" is for the random things I figured it fit best here...

I regularly read this forum and I know some of my sisters do and would recognize my screen name so I made up one so they are not able to know who it is.

Lately I have had some serious crap going on in my life and I am treating my sisters horribly along with other friends and my way of dealing with what is going on is NOT right so I am seriously considering going into counseling. I realized that I cannot be expected to deal with what is going on on my own and that I do need help. I am just wondering if any of you are in the same boat I am or have ever been in counseling (you don't have to say why) and if you told any of your sisters and if so what did they think and if you chose not to then why did you choose to not tell them? This seems to be the only thing for me to do...I can't go and talk to someone I know...for some reason it would be easier to talk to someone that does not know me then to go to a sister and say "hey, I need to talk to you" Have any of you actually suspended yourself from your sorority/fraternity because of personal things going on in your life? That is my last resort right now. What would you do...would you go into counseling and tell the sisters, go into counseling and not say anything or is there another plan of action you would take?

I need help in figuring this out :-/ If you don't feel comfortable answering this on the board then feel free to PM me!

-"Sally"

mmcat · #2 10-16-2004, 11:38 PM

a thought...
call the appropriate entity on your campus and do some talking and see how you feel.
but try to calm down for now.

Jill1228 · #3 10-17-2004, 12:06 AM

Yes, I have been in counseling and it literally saved my life. PM me or email me if you need to talk.

AChiOAlumna · #4 10-17-2004, 12:16 PM

I've also been in counseling on-and-off for many years. It helps immensely.

"Have any of you actually suspended yourself from your sorority/fraternity because of personal things going on in your life?"

Sad to say, but yes I did...my personal life was too overwhelming at one point and I only ended up attending Monday night meetings as I didn't want to be fined...all social events, though I skipped out on....I probably could've used more help at that point, but didn't...

Most universities have counseling centers where the fees are included with your ASB/ASI fees. They usually have licensed therapists and psychologists who meet with you.

It's a great way to get immediate help...please do if you feel you need it...don't wait...

Good luck to you!

kappaloo · #5 10-17-2004, 12:25 PM

yes, I agree - see if your university has services. Chances are if you need to - they can work things around so that you can be seen ASAP. When I was going through a hard time, I thought they wouldn't be able to see me for quite a while, but as soon as I said why i wanted to be seen - they got me an appointment next day. They do care about you and want you to succeed.

Munchkin03 · #6 10-17-2004, 12:59 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AChiOAlumna

"Have any of you actually suspended yourself from your sorority/fraternity because of personal things going on in your life?"

Sad to say, but yes I did...my personal life was too overwhelming at one point and I only ended up attending Monday night meetings as I didn't want to be fined...all social events, though I skipped out on....I probably could've used more help at that point, but didn't...

Most universities have counseling centers where the fees are included with your ASB/ASI fees. They usually have licensed therapists and psychologists who meet with you.

It's a great way to get immediate help...please do if you feel you need it...don't wait...

I also had to cut sorority from my life first semester of sophomore year (my first full semester as an initiate). Through an agreement with our National advisor and our chapter advisor, I took some "time off"--I paid National dues, but I didn't do much else except going to Rush workshops and Initiation. A lot of other things were going on in my life, and sorority stuff was, admittedly, a very low priority. I went back the next semester, and I had taken care of my "other things" enough to actually be a positive contribution to the sorority. Interestingly enough, I didn't "burn out" the way my pledge sisters did by senior year.

I don't think it was sad, per se--if I had stayed through that hellish semester, I wouldn't have been as good a sister as I knew I could be.

Most universities--especially in light of recent studies involving the mental health concerns of college students--have some sort of counseling services on-campus and on-call in case of emergencies; if not, they usually have a referral service to providers in the community that can help you for a low cost. Also, it's all confidential so if you were worried about your parents finding out, it's not a huge issue.

alphaxihoney · #7 10-17-2004, 03:28 PM

I took some "time off" the beginning of this year (about a month) but was told by an alumna that I know that you can't take a "leave of absence" from the sorority. I can't go inactive because there are a bunch of inactives already this year, and suspending myself is the last thing I want to do. When I took my time off all I did was call the recording secretary every single time I had to miss something and exec would approve it. The only people who know something is up is the sisters on exec and that is because they have to go over excuses for missing things so they can be approved. Right now I am doing the minimum we have to do.

Thanks for some of your replies though, I've never been in counseling and it makes me nervous. I really do appreciate it.

33girl · #8 10-17-2004, 03:37 PM

Like you said, just telling everything to someone who doesn't know you and won't make any judgements because of their connections to the other people in your life can be very helpful. That is, I can't really tell my roommate "I have so and so issue with Meg" because she knows Meg as well, and will insert her own personal feelings about Meg into my situation. If you're talking to a counselor who knows no one involved they can give a more objective opinion.

I was pledging at the time (this was just over a few weeks) and didn't tell any sisters because I didn't realize how much they already cared about me. Had I opened up to them about the problems I was having I probably would not have gotten to the point of needing to go to a counselor to begin with. I don't know how big your chapter is or how close you feel to people, but whether you want to tell them you're in counseling is up to you. No one thought badly of me after they found out (after the fact), they just wished I would have come to them and talked it out.

Good luck hon

AOcutiePi4ever · #9 10-17-2004, 06:00 PM

i talk to a therapist. there is nothing wrong or "weird" about talking to one! in fact, i bet you many of your sisters have themselves, its just that its not somehting that many people talk about. but i am a nerdy psychology major, and i believe talking to a therapist is good for anyone, even the most "non-troubled" people, but especially those with troubles. in fact, happy, "stable" etc people talk to therapists all the time--- except that those therapists have a different name-- they are called "Life Coaches"!! haha!. so yes, i think you should deff talk to a therapist and dont be ashamed about it! it is a HEALTHY thing to do. whether you tell your sisters or not is something you could even talk about with the therapist. s/he could give you advice in regards to that. but deff talk to one, they can be super helpful, even if all you need is an ear to listen.

Munchkin03 · #10 10-17-2004, 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by alphaxihoney
I took some "time off" the beginning of this year (about a month) but was told by an alumna that I know that you can't take a "leave of absence" from the sorority. I can't go inactive because there are a bunch of inactives already this year, and suspending myself is the last thing I want to do.

Was this alumna you spoke to part of the advisory board? If not, you'd be in a good position to talk to an advisor. If your chapter doesn't have one, there's usually a liason at National that deals with specific chapters.

When I felt like I needed to take some time off, I called our HQ about what my choices were. I knew that if I were to ask our Standards Chair or Advisor, that they would focus on getting me to stay. The woman I spoke to, who dealt with our region, told me her boss--a former National President--was going to be at our chapter next month, and asked me if it could wait that long. So, a few weeks later I was able to speak with her, and a few other NC members who had made the trip, about what to do. It was their suggestion about taking the time off.

But, regardless of what you do, certainly talk to a therapist.

alphaxihoney · #11 10-18-2004, 12:55 AM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Munchkin03
[B]Was this alumna you spoke to part of the advisory board? If not, you'd be in a good position to talk to an advisor.

No the alumna I spoke to was a sister when I was initiated. She introduced me to the chapter. If I were to talk to an advisor...I don't even know what I'd say

I'm afraid she'd sit there and suggest I suspend myself and that is *last* thing I want to do right now

chideltjen · #12 10-18-2004, 01:16 AM

My situation was a little different. I saught counseling during a rough patch in my life, but I was still very active in my sorority. In fact, it was the highlight of that semester; what kept me positive I guess.

However, if sisters are the issue, perhaps it may be better to take a small leave. I don't know the national processes with your house, but in our's we can take leaves of absense for a semester and come back the next without question.

Your primary concern should be yourself. If you are having trouble, that should be your focus. I'm sure your sisters will understand. And there is no shame in counseling. I did for a couple weeks and it was good to just talk to someone who didn't know me and couldn't judge me either way. And I went through my school and didn't pay a dime (out of pocket I mean...).

I say go for it. And feel free to PM me if you need support.

Sending you prayers and happy thoughts.

RACooper · #13 10-18-2004, 02:07 AM

The best advice that I can give is this:

Speak to someone who is a qualified counsellor; and while you may not agree with everything they say, it does help you to talk through your problems and concerns with them. You are no good to anybody or yourself until you can work through this, and counselling can help.... it has helped me come to grips with serious problems I have had in the past.

ADqtPiMel · #14 10-18-2004, 07:34 AM

Just to talk up the campus counseling services...

I was really struggling freshman year with dealing with a ton of new people and all the work that comes with college. I finally went to the campus counseling services and was diagnosed with ADHD. For the first time in my life, I felt like things finally all fell into place. With the help of my counselor and occasional medication, I'm able to get good grades and maintain normal relationships. There's no way that I could have been a productive chapter member in the beginning, but I am now.

alphaxihoney · #15 11-06-2004, 10:09 PM

Hey,
Just thought I'd let ya'll know that replied with advice that I did get into counseling and also have an appt with a psychiatrist next week. The counselor thinks I am showing symptoms of PTSD. I decided to not tell my sisters. I want to wait and see how I do for a little bit. Hopefully this is a new beginning =)