My Sorority Pledge? I Swore Off Sisterhood

Rudey · #1 12-02-2007, 02:06 PM

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/02/fashion/02love.html

She had been my sorority sister, and not just any sorority sister, but one who had played a leading role in the unraveling of my young life. During rush week, she had interrogated me about my parents’ home and father’s profession, inexplicably wincing when I said “dentist.” She also was among the girls I found in my room one afternoon, rubbing my pearl necklace against her teeth to determine its (and presumably my) authenticity.

Great article...I love it.

-Rudey
--HAHA

nittanyalum · #2 12-02-2007, 02:19 PM

greeaaaattttttttt...

samjones · #3 12-02-2007, 02:47 PM

interesting article. what college is this?

Leslie Anne · #4 12-02-2007, 02:52 PM

I don't think it's a great article, but that's not because of its negative portrayal of a sorority. What I find sad is that this woman who was badly mistreated still cannot find the strength to stick up for herself after 20 years despite becoming an attorney, a wife and mother.

I'm not blaming her for her mistreatment though. Women (and girls of all ages) can be catty. The sorority setting only intensifies that fact. At 18-years-old, many young women aren't able to fight back. Feeling the same "dirtiness" 20 years later though only speaks to this woman's lack of self-esteem. It's unfortunate.

What should she teach her daughters? That they should be proud of who they are; that they shouldn't allow petty people to affect their self-image; and, when wronged, they should have the strength of their convictions and stand up for themselves.

cuteASAbug · #5 12-02-2007, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leslie Anne

I don't think it's a great article, but that's not because of its negative portrayal of a sorority. What I find sad is that this woman who was badly mistreated still cannot find the strength to stick up for herself after 20 years despite becoming an attorney, a wife and mother.

I'm not blaming her for her mistreatment though. Women (and girls of all ages) can be catty. The sorority setting only intensifies that fact. At 18-years-old, many young women aren't able to fight back. Feeling the same "dirtiness" 20 years later though only speaks to this woman's lack of self-esteem. It's unfortunate.

What should she teach her daughters? That they should be proud of who they are; that they shouldn't allow petty people to affect their self-image; and, when wronged, they should have the strength of their convictions and stand up for themselves.

That was basically my exact thought in a nutshell. We all know that 20+ years ago the Greek system wasn't exactly moral and pure so the sorority portrayal really doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that this woman appearsto have no backbone whatsoever, which, as a lawyer, you don't really want to be admitting to any potential clients in a national publication.

Rudey · #6 12-02-2007, 02:59 PM

You're blaming the victim and whether she is 18 or 38, has nothing to do with it.

-Rudey

Little32 · #7 12-02-2007, 03:05 PM

I think that you all are being really hard on her. Her sorority experience was a trauma that she admits that she never really dealt with; in not dealing with that trauma, when she encounters those people again, she experiences the same sense of helplessness and defeat.

Just because means that she has never really figured out how to deal with these particular women because of the cattiness and viciousness, not to mention the rape, that she experience at a very young age, does not mean that she was not able to function normally and well in other arenas of her life. I am sorry, but if law school is anything like graduate school, you just don't get through it if you lack self-esteem.

It seems odd to blame the victim.

Other than that, not a great article; a sad commentary.

Leslie Anne · #8 12-02-2007, 03:07 PM

Rudey,

I do not (and never would) blame a rape victim!

What I feel is sad is letting a petty woman make her feel bad for something that wasn't her fault 20 years after it happened.

SoCalGirl · #9 12-02-2007, 03:12 PM

Since it's been 20+ years and she still can't handle cheering moms on the sidelines the only thing I'd blame her for is not having the sense to get some therapy. Pronto!

Wolfman · #10 12-02-2007, 03:13 PM

There is a "dark side" to sorority (and fraternity!) life; no amount of protestations and denials will moot it. It may not be the predominant experience of most but we all know of these things, just as I hear women speak of the negative female relational dynamics all the time which the author describes from her own experience. I hope this article and this phenomenom will get a real hearing rather than it (and the author) being attacked or marginalized.

PM_Mama00 · #11 12-02-2007, 03:13 PM

That's the best article I've ever read. And true.

Little32 · #12 12-02-2007, 03:15 PM

But how can you blame her, when as an 18 year old who just endured a horrible experience and looked to her sisters for support, she instead experienced condemnation and betrayal. 1700 miles from home, her support system abandoned her, and she never really dealt with it; because on top of a rape, how do you reconcile that type of betrayal.

I say bravo to her that she had the fortitude to stay in school and finish and that she went on to law school and seems to have established a healthy family life for herself. She admits that she has some work to do, but I find it odd that all the comments focused on the one thing that she has not managed to accomplish yet.

I am guessing that none of you have any kind of experience with that sort of severe emotional trauma.

PM_Mama00 · #13 12-02-2007, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leslie Anne

I don't think it's a great article, but that's not because of its negative portrayal of a sorority. What I find sad is that this woman who was badly mistreated still cannot find the strength to stick up for herself after 20 years despite becoming an attorney, a wife and mother.

Have you ever been treated really badly for something that wasn't your fault? Years later, it still hurts. I STILL resent some sisters for things they did to me 6 or so years ago.

When something someone did has such an impact on your whole college career (and in our cases sorority life), it's really hard to forget.

Benzgirl · #14 12-02-2007, 03:17 PM

I can honestly say when she referred to the "ledges" happened quite often. There was one fraternity at our school that did it on a regular basis. They lost their charter and have now recolonized...but not in the house with the ledges.

AlphaFrog · #15 12-02-2007, 03:18 PM

I wonder if there's more to the story that she hasn't told us (I'm sure there is). Getting drunk at a fraternity party and passing out would certainly earn you a visit in front of the Standards board, back then as well as today. She said that the final straw was her picking the wrong music/routine for Greek Week....I'm guessing it wasn't just that. It doesn't say what sorority she was in (as well it shouldn't), but in most groups, it takes a lot to terminate someone.