Need help w/ a family situation

RedRoseSAI · #1 12-19-2005, 05:24 PM

Here's the deal:

Every year, my family (me, MrRR, mom, dad, grandmas, aunt, uncle, cousin) get together for a New Year's Day brunch at my parent's house.

I hate it. In addition to being the day after a big party night, it always turns into a miserable time, for reasons I won't go into. Every year, my mom insists on doing it, and every year, everyone goes along with it, even though no one wants to.

My question - how do we put a stop to this? I seriously can not convey what an unpleasant experience this little brunch has turned become. It's a horrible way to start the year. I was practically in tears by the time it was over last year, and I am determined not to start 2006 in the same manner. Last year I suggested that "we all do our own thing" for New Year's Day, and my mom pooh-poohed the idea ("Everyone loves the New Year's Day brunch!"). I can't think of a good excuse why we wouldn't be able to go this year, but I'm all ears for some advice.

Thanks in advance.

Lindz928 · #2 12-19-2005, 05:35 PM

Honestly? I would just tell my mom that I'm not going to come because it makes me miserable. She may get her feelings hurt in the short run, but your sanity will be saved.

It is one day out of 365... I think she should be able to understand that.

Also, if it is always so miserable for everyone, why doesn't she see that?

sageofages · #3 12-19-2005, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by RedRoseSAI
Here's the deal:

Every year, my family (me, MrRR, mom, dad, grandmas, aunt, uncle, cousin) get together for a New Year's Day brunch at my parent's house.

I hate it. In addition to being the day after a big party night, it always turns into a miserable time, for reasons I won't go into. Every year, my mom insists on doing it, and every year, everyone goes along with it, even though no one wants to.

My question - how do we put a stop to this? I seriously can not convey what an unpleasant experience this little brunch has turned become. It's a horrible way to start the year. I was practically in tears by the time it was over last year, and I am determined not to start 2006 in the same manner. Last year I suggested that "we all do our own thing" for New Year's Day, and my mom pooh-poohed the idea ("Everyone loves the New Year's Day brunch!"). I can't think of a good excuse why we wouldn't be able to go this year, but I'm all ears for some advice.

Thanks in advance.

How about offering an alternative...

"We know how you love doing this, but this year, we have decided that we are giving you a richly deserved start to a new year and take you to a champagne brunch at *insert a great establishment in your area*...and we won't take NO for an answer as reservations have already been made!"

And leave it at that...send out the word to the rest of the family..."brunch at *wherever* at 11:30 am" rsvp to RedRoseSAI who is coordinating the reservations.

rho4life · #4 12-19-2005, 05:48 PM

say that you and your honey want to start the new year by spending the day alone together, planning 2006

valkyrie · #5 12-19-2005, 05:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by rho4life
say that you and your honey want to start the new year by spending the day alone together, planning 2006

Yes -- maybe say you're taking an overnight trip somewhere. Say he surprised you with it if necessary, to cover for the fact that you've never mentioned it before now?

I'm afraid that taking mom out to a brunch somewhere else would result in the same misery, just at a different location. I don't think telling your mom that the brunch makes you miserable would be a great idea either -- I don't think she's going to understand and she might offer 100 reasons why this year is going to be so awesome there is NO WAY you could be anything but delighted to attend. If you quietly bow out this year, you save your sanity -- and maybe others will skip it as well and eventually the whole thing will just go away.

PM_Mama00 · #6 12-19-2005, 05:56 PM

The alternatives or "other plans" sound great. Just try not to hurt your mom's feelings. It may be one day, but life is short and family won't be there forever.

Any way to try and cheer things up?

AchtungBaby80 · #7 12-19-2005, 06:00 PM

I agree, the "oops-we-already-have-plans...sorry!" excuse sounds like the best way to go. Any way you cut it, you have to figure out a way to just not go, because I think if you tried to get the venue changed it would a) still be a crummy time, or b) cause your mom to complain throughout the entire thing that if only she'd been allowed to have it at her house, it would be so much better, blah blah, and so on. I think it really sucks that holidays, which are supposed to be enjoyable times of the year, end up making a lot of people miserable because of all the "obligations" and that sort of thing.

AOX81 · #8 12-19-2005, 06:03 PM

I have to work that day so that's how I would get out of it!

Lindz928 · #9 12-19-2005, 06:10 PM

I'm sorry, but I still think honesty is the best way to go. At least, that's how it works in my family.

I would rather have my feelings hurt for a short time over the truth than to be lied to and find out later on and be more hurt.

Seriously, no one take offense to this, but I just think the "I lied to protect your feelings" line is bullshit. It's not lying to protect their feelings, it's lying to make yourself not feel like crap.

Dionysus · #10 12-19-2005, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lindz928
I'm sorry, but I still think honesty is the best way to go. At least, that's how it works in my family.

I agree. This excuse might be believable this year, but what about next and the following years?

rho4life · #11 12-19-2005, 06:19 PM

Even though I'm a lawyer, I'm not suggesting you lie

. Take the day, and spend some time with your honey thinking about the coming year, and what you want to do, separately and together. All traditions have to start somewhere. Now is the time to end the old one and start a new one!

RedRoseSAI · #12 12-19-2005, 06:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lindz928
I'm sorry, but I still think honesty is the best way to go. At least, that's how it works in my family.

Can I borrow your family for the holidays?

I can not imagine the sh!t storm that would occur if I flat-out told my mom that I dread the New Year's brunch. She just would not understand. I do think it's best if I come up with plans this year, and next year, and the year after next, and pretty soon she'll get the hint. Sad, but that's the way we've learned to communicate.

You know, it is my friend's 30th bday that day. Maybe the event that starts at 5pm is suddenly going to start a little earlier. Hmm...

Edited to add - they're on a cruise right now as we speak, and won't be back until late next week. That gives me the perfect excuse as to why I didn't tell her earlier. ::sigh:: I know, I'm horrible.

Lindz928 · #13 12-19-2005, 06:35 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by RedRoseSAI
Can I borrow your family for the holidays?

Haha. Trust me, my family comes with a completely different set of issues. This just might end up being the first Christmas Eve that my family sees me drunk.

I'm sorry that you might have to make up an excuse, but obviously you know how to deal with your family better than anyone on GC does.

Everyone here does seem to have the same basic opinion though.... This is the year for you to do SOMETHING to get out of it. We all know that you would hate to be miserable every New Year's Day for the rest of your life.

wrigley · #14 12-19-2005, 06:35 PM

I like the idea of a alternate location in a public place because there is less likelihood for drama by the relatives. There's a definite start and end time at a restaurant.

Contact the relatives in advance and tell them this year you're giving your mom the day off. Make sure all of the relatives involved are contacted before she knows. Then spring it on her. Ask her favorite relative to help soften the blow too.

eta: I just saw your post about the friend's birthday party. Definitely use a earlier start time. It's legitimate excuse.

Tom Earp · #15 12-19-2005, 07:48 PM

God, arent Some Family Traditions so out of tune?

I just wonder why She cannot see if therre is problems every year.

You arent the Brady Family are You? Never Mind, Hell they always had shit worked out before the show was over no matter what!

If worse comes to worse, Lie and say You are Sick!

Something You ate not drank!