How would you want to meet your "soul mate"?

[OhSoDetermined]

I have a friend who is absolutely wonderful. She is beautiful, kind hearted, brilliant and funny. She has been in a a few serious relationships in the past, but they always seem to end terribly.

Example: she does all she can for him, and in return he takes all he can from her.
She realized that she deserves better and is now single. She is currently trying to work on herself, her career, her dreams, and I totally support her decison.

But all along I have felt as if I have the perfect guy for her. He is ready for real love, well-established and honorable, but he also suffers from meeting women who want him for all the wrong reasons. Basically people date them both for "eye candy" and I would love for them to have a chance to be loved and appreciated by one another.

I am waiting a while for her to get her ex out of her system because I want the new guy to have a real shot at becoming her soul mate and not just her rebound guy. Yet, I dont want to wait so long that this great guy gets away.

So, how do you suggest I bring these two people together? How long should I wait before mentioning the guy (the ex was around for 2 years). Should I set up a blind date, have a dinner party, give him her number or none of the above? How would you want your prospective husband/wife be presented to you?

[emeraldAKA99]

Originally posted by OhSoDetermined
Example: she does all she can for him, and in return he takes all he can from her.

This is the story of my dating life.

[aephi alum]

From what I've seen, you often find your soul mate when you're not looking. When I met my husband, I was not looking for a husband or even a long-term relationship... but here we are, nearly ten years later.

You may want to think about introducing these two people to each other in a non-date setting. (I assume they don't already know each other, or don't know each other well.) Honestly, I'd be wary of a blind date (having been on several bad ones) and I'd be creeped out if some random guy I didn't know called me and asked me out for drinks (coffee, dinner, whatever).

The three of you could go out to dinner, or you could enlist a "co-conspirator" and the four of you go out. Make sure the two of them talk mostly to each other. Then, step back and see where things go. Drop hints if necessary - take your friend aside and say, "you know, he really likes you." They may get together, they may become friends, or nothing may develop.

[RedefinedDiva]

Trust me, I know what your friend is going through. Like Soror Emerald, that's the story of my life as well. Therefore, I would suggest that you make sure that your friend is ready to date and WANTS to date again. After being "dogged" so many times, a person's heart turns a little cold (trust me, I know) and it would be pointless to introduce them if your friend is not in the proper emotional state to accept new love.

Once you've established that she is ready, I would have to agree with Alum. Introduce them in a non-intimidating setting. Let them get to know one another as friends first, then let them go with the flow.

Last bit of advice: try not to get your hopes up too high. YOU might think that they are perfect for one another and THEY might not find that love connection. That's a determination they have to make on their own. If I had a dollar for the number of times someone told me that they had the "perfect" guy for me.....

[emeraldAKA99]

Originally posted by RedefinedDiva
Trust me, I know what your friend is going through. Like Soror Emerald, that's the story of my life as well. Therefore, I would suggest that you make sure that your friend is ready to date and WANTS to date again. After being "dogged" so many times, a person's heart turns a little cold (trust me, I know) and it would be pointless to introduce them if your friend is not in the proper emotional state to accept new love.

This is so true. That is why I am not dating now, because it would be pointless and unfair to any decent man I might meet. I still have some residual coldness and a lot of walls and guards up. Your friend could very likely be the same way.

[darling1]

have a dinner party with both of them invited. introduce them and then let it be. if its meant to happen then it will.

Originally posted by OhSoDetermined
I have a friend who is absolutely wonderful. She is beautiful, kind hearted, brilliant and funny. She has been in a a few serious relationships in the past, but they always seem to end terribly.

Example: she does all she can for him, and in return he takes all he can from her.
She realized that she deserves better and is now single. She is currently trying to work on herself, her career, her dreams, and I totally support her decison.

But all along I have felt as if I have the perfect guy for her. He is ready for real love, well-established and honorable, but he also suffers from meeting women who want him for all the wrong reasons. Basically people date them both for "eye candy" and I would love for them to have a chance to be loved and appreciated by one another.

I am waiting a while for her to get her ex out of her system because I want the new guy to have a real shot at becoming her soul mate and not just her rebound guy. Yet, I dont want to wait so long that this great guy gets away.

So, how do you suggest I bring these two people together? How long should I wait before mentioning the guy (the ex was around for 2 years). Should I set up a blind date, have a dinner party, give him her number or none of the above? How would you want your prospective husband/wife be presented to you?

[NUPE4LIFE]

A hard lesson that I had to learn is that you must stop looking for love. I know that it is natural for us to love and then be loved in return but you gotta stop looking for it. That goes for trying to hook people up. Now if you just wanted to introduce them that's one thing. If anything came of it, it'd be of their own doing and not your fixing. In all things I've had to learn that you must turn it over to God and if it's his will then you will find your soulmate. I've met a few women that I in retrospect I had no business messing with. So I know it's hard to do but just relax. Like someone already said you will find her/him when you are not looking.

[DC_Zeta1920]

Originally posted by aephi alum
From what I've seen, you often find your soul mate when you're not looking. .

I agree with this.

[lostnfound117]

Originally posted by emeraldAKA99
This is the story of my dating life.

Me too sista....

[lostnfound117]

Originally posted by NUPE4LIFE
A hard lesson that I had to learn is that you must stop looking for love. I know that it is natural for us to love and then be loved in return but you gotta stop looking for it. That goes for trying to hook people up. Now if you just wanted to introduce them that's one thing. If anything came of it, it'd be of their own doing and not your fixing. In all things I've had to learn that you must turn it over to God and if it's his will then you will find your soulmate. I've met a few women that I in retrospect I had no business messing with. So I know it's hard to do but just relax. Like someone already said you will find her/him when you are not looking.

Cosign....but how do you get into the mentality not thinking about it? Outside of myself, I have a good friend who is going through the same thing right now.

[Eclipse]

Originally posted by darling1
have a dinner party with both of them invited. introduce them and then let it be. if its meant to happen then it will.

Agreed. A friend of mine met her new almost honey that way Labor Day weekend. Little did she know that the friend that had the cookout thought they would be good together. She invited them both and they naturally gravitated towards each other. She did not find out that it was the almost hookup until they had gone out on a few dates. If she had known she was supposed to meet someone she would have been gun shy about the whole thing.

[southernelle25]

I found this quote on the blog of Myria Carpenter :

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

That is what I'm waiting for, however we meet.

[stardusttwin]

Originally posted by RedefinedDiva
Last bit of advice: try not to get your hopes up too high. YOU might think that they are perfect for one another and THEY might not find that love connection. That's a determination they have to make on their own. If I had a dollar for the number of times someone told me that they had the "perfect" guy for me.....

I really believe your heart is in the right place but I just wanted to hightlight this for you to REALLY read it through. I'm currently on the outs with a friend becasue she's 'tired' of me being alone and is pissed that I didn't feel this instant attraction to this guy she was trying to set me up with.

I'm.not.into.him. - can't make it any clearer than that. I might have just stayed in touch with him and kept it casual and be friends if we were on the same page but he is clearly looking for an instant mate and since I know its not him why should I lead him on? Somehow she has it in her head that I'M in the wrong & I have issues. Yes I've been hurt in the past, yes there are certain things that will make red flags fly but I'm capable of knowing when I'm attracted to someone or not - intellectually and/or physically. And he ain't it. And I'm not going to keep someone around just because YOU think you know better than me what I want or need.

That said, my advice is to step back and leave it alone. If you are having an event and invite both of them then do so but to orchestrate a dinner party with the intention of setting them up isn't cool at all. If your friend is in a "do me" period then respect that and let her 'do herself'. When she is ready to date then and only then will she be open to the right man.

Your male friend also needs to spend some time alone and get his act together - the fact that he keeps picking women that end up using him means he isn't exactly using his best sense when choosing who to be with so he really isn't ready for real love cause he has to learn to exhibit & practice SELF LOVE first. I've learned when you really love yourself you don't let anyone in your circle that doesn't treat you with the level of respect that you deserve. No time for games or BS and that wouldn't have happened if I had continued to date when others were trying to push me to.

[SummerChild]

A gathering at which others are also present will take some of the pressure off. Once, I was introduced to a guy that I was not attracted to at all and it helped that I could meet him but then talk to others in attendance as well since I knew that it would probably not go anywhere.

Just tell them both briefly about the other ahead of time and that the other will be present and leave it at that.

SC

Originally posted by OhSoDetermined
I have a friend who is absolutely wonderful. She is beautiful, kind hearted, brilliant and funny. She has been in a a few serious relationships in the past, but they always seem to end terribly.

Example: she does all she can for him, and in return he takes all he can from her.
She realized that she deserves better and is now single. She is currently trying to work on herself, her career, her dreams, and I totally support her decison.

But all along I have felt as if I have the perfect guy for her. He is ready for real love, well-established and honorable, but he also suffers from meeting women who want him for all the wrong reasons. Basically people date them both for "eye candy" and I would love for them to have a chance to be loved and appreciated by one another.

I am waiting a while for her to get her ex out of her system because I want the new guy to have a real shot at becoming her soul mate and not just her rebound guy. Yet, I dont want to wait so long that this great guy gets away.

So, how do you suggest I bring these two people together? How long should I wait before mentioning the guy (the ex was around for 2 years). Should I set up a blind date, have a dinner party, give him her number or none of the above? How would you want your prospective husband/wife be presented to you?

[OhSoDetermined]

I think y'all made some really valid points.

First off, I am a little too involved and that might be clouding my judgement. They are both grown and me pushing too hard might push them away. I know you can't force some things, but I am known for being proactive and not reactive.

But what can I say? I am a hopeless romantic! I am a living testimony that love can change your life while pride/pain/fear can keep that joy away. But who am I to say that the time is right for either one of them to make moves towards that kinda change. (And now that I think about it this post has way too many "I"'s when it is supposed to be all about my friends)

So, I will take a step back from it all and allow her some time to heal and him some more time to find himself. But if they both just happen to both show up at a Super Bowl party and just happen to strike up a friendly conversation, I ain't stopping them