Wedding gift Etiquette?

[James]

What do you folks think?

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20051112

GIFTS OF MONEY BLOW AWAY IN WHIRLWIND OF A MARRIAGE


DEAR ABBY: My 22-year-old niece, "Brittany," married her boyfriend of many years last month in a lavish production of a wedding financed entirely by her father (my brother). On the invitations, it was mentioned that their home was fully furnished, so in lieu of gifts, they'd appreciate money for their honeymoon to the Dominican Republic.
Most family members generously complied and chipped in $300 to $500 each. My widowed grandmother, who lived on a fixed income, even sent them $50.

Four days after their return from the honeymoon, Brittany threw her husband of two weeks out of the house and moved in with her new boyfriend, whom she'd first met when he "entertained" at her bachelorette party three weeks prior. To say we are all surprised is putting it mildly.

No one has heard from Brittany since, and no explanation was offered. My mother recently got her on the phone, and Brittany quickly ended the conversation by claiming that all the money had been "spent" and that her now ex-husband had any funds that remained. (We know this can't be true because the distraught groom recently approached my brother and asked him to pay for the annulment.)

Doesn't etiquette dictate that Brittany return all gifts -- including cash -- as the marriage ended just days after the checks cleared the bank? Is this why there's a 12-month window in which to send wedding gifts? -- ANGRY IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR ANGRY: Your feelings are justified. The answers to your questions are yes and no.

The rules of etiquette do dictate that unused wedding gifts be returned in a case like this. However, if the checks didn't clear the bank until after the unhappy couple returned from the honeymoon, the money was probably spent to pay off their credit cards.
Your assumption that there is a 12-month window in which to give wedding gifts is a popular misconception and incorrect. Wedding gifts should be given at the time of the wedding, or after the couple returns from the honeymoon at the latest.

[Lindz928]

I think that chick is a huge bitch. She obviously met her new bf before the wedding, so she should have broken it off BEFORE walking down the isle. Sounds pretty selfish to me.

[GMUBunny]

Wow. I'd want my money back yesterday. There's gotta be something they can do about that. What a bitch.

[honeychile]

I miss Dear Abby/Ann Landers. Our dailies have quit carrying them, and there was just something about the craziness of their readers and the pithiness of their responses that I loved.

[NutBrnHair]

Originally posted by honeychile
I miss Dear Abby/Ann Landers. Our dailies have quit carrying them, and there was just something about the craziness of their readers and the pithiness of their responses that I loved.

Look, Honey! Dear Abby is now in Cyberspace! She can even be your homepage (if you like her that much)

Dear Abby on the www

[honeychile]

Originally posted by NutBrnHair
Look, Honey! Dear Abby is now in Cyberspace! She can even be your homepage (if you like her that much)

Dear Abby on the www

Thank you so very much, NutBrnHair!!! All we get now is "Cat's Corner" which, in reality, is more like kitty litter!

Woo Hoo! A daily fix!

[wrigley]

Unless she does some serious damage control, it sounds like that's the last time her relatives will spend that lavishly for her. At least the soon to be ex husband was able to get out before children came into the mix.

I doubt etiquette is high on her list at the moment. Consider the money spent and gone..Want to guess how popular stripper boy is going to be at their family function on Thanksgiving?

[APhi Sailorgirl]

I'm going to assume that everything was done with check/cash.

Nowadays there are websites where you can donate money, where perhaps, you could get the credit card company involved so that you can dispute the charge. I'm not sure what type of time limit is on that type of thing.

But definitely a wedding don't!

[adpiucf]

I always thought you had a year to send in a gift. What about those who could not attend? Or those who weren't invited but wanted to send a gift?

[Lindz928]

Originally posted by adpiucf
Or those who weren't invited but wanted to send a gift?

I can't imagine wanting to send a gift if I hadn't even been invited. Unless it was a teeny tiny wedding (and I'm talking like 20 people).

[kansas13]

I feel so bad for the women who wrote in and her family, on top of the ex-husband to boot. I can't believe anyone would have the nerve to do that!! I doubt her family will be inviting her to Thanksgiving/Holiday dinners. They would be better off inviting her ex-husband for that matter of fact!!