Ethical Question

honeychile · #1 08-30-2005, 01:39 PM

Okay, here's where I am:

An older friend of mine has a daughter getting married in a few months. I don't know the daughter well, but I have the utmost respect for her mother. I have NOT rs'd my vp, so that's not in the mix.

I have recently received an invitation to a conference which would give me a HUGE leg up on the second career I'm planning - and it's the same weekend. I would have to let them know tomorrow!

I am completely torn. Both involve going out of town, so that's not a factor. Which should I do?

Xylochick216 · #2 08-30-2005, 01:47 PM

Honestly, if you're not superclose with the daughter, then I'd go to the conference. I know my parents invited some of their friends who (no offense to them) I didn't really care if they showed up or not simply because I wasn't close to them. It'd save them money on the reception as well. If you and the mom are still very tight, though, it could be a different story. But as long as the friend is your average friend, I'd say they wouldn't be too offended if you had a conference to go to. As long as you hadn't already RSVP'd and been paid for, they should be fine

ETA: Sorry for the intrusion, I didn't realize this was in the ADPi forum

Eclipse · #3 08-30-2005, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by honeychile
Okay, here's where I am:

An older friend of mine has a daughter getting married in a few months. I don't know the daughter well, but I have the utmost respect for her mother. I have NOT rs'd my vp, so that's not in the mix.

I have recently received an invitation to a conference which would give me a HUGE leg up on the second career I'm planning - and it's the same weekend. I would have to let them know tomorrow!

I am completely torn. Both involve going out of town, so that's not a factor. Which should I do?

You haven't RSVP'd and you are not close to the bride. Many wedding invites are more social obligations that true "we would be so hurt if you are not there!" kinda things. Send your regrets and a nice present and go to the conference. You have the option to gush over pictures later.

adpiucf · #4 08-30-2005, 02:18 PM

Go to the conference. If you can, try to make plans to visit with your friend before the wedding for a mother-of-the-bride tea out somewhere. Or even after.

emleepc · #5 08-30-2005, 03:08 PM

Conference......Your ADPi sisters know that your career is important to you, and would want the best in that aspect.

BBelleADPi · #6 08-30-2005, 04:59 PM

You say you respect the mother, but are you the closest of friends? When the weekend is over, and you have fulfilled a duty to the friend, will you kick yourself because you didn't fulfill what you needed to do for yourself? To me, no contest, the conference, especially if the woman is a friend who is close enough to understand.

Actually, I could possibly be in a similar situation: one of my very closest friend's daughter is getting married in either November or December, but has not yet set a wedding date because of other factors they are waiting to find out about. (It will be a small, but intimate, wedding). As much as I want to be there both for my friend and for the little girl I have watched grow up, my two older sisters (real life) and I are planning to take our daughters to see the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Show on a set weekend in December, and I must buy the tickets within the next week. I am so very afraid the wedding will end up being the same date, but I have to go with what is best for me. My sisters and I get together ONCE a year at Christmas for sure, and about every four years in June for vacation, so this is an extremely rare outing for all of us, as well as our daughters. I simply can't miss this time to make memories, and I know that my friend TRULY will not only understand, but would kick me if I didn't make the family choice.
More importantly, I know that I would kick myself after the weekend was over if I attended the wedding, and not made memories with MY family. I think yours is a similar situation-you'd like to do what is RIGHT (support your friend), and you'd also truly LIKE to be there (it's not like you're trying to get out of it), but the reality of making a living is the wiser, and longer-lasting choice. Don't ya just hate it when things turn out like that? It's not like it's earth-shattering or anything, but it gets under your skin!

ASUADPi · #7 09-01-2005, 08:49 AM

Honey I just have to cosign what pretty much everyone is saying...this girl doesn't sound like she is an incredibly close friend so personally I would say go to the conference. You need to do what is best for you and if what is best for you, right now, is going to the conference so that you can gather the information you need to start up your second career, I say go for it.

You know that we will support you in whatever decision you make!!!!!

HBADPi · #8 09-07-2005, 04:34 PM

Ok so I have another somewhat ethical question for you guys...

A high school friend of mine is getting married in vegas next wkend. I've asked the bf to go with me and it'll have been 2 months since we've officially started dating. As far as the hotel goes, is it tacky to ask him to split the cost of hotel or should I foot the bill myself? Its not that I dont have the money or that I'm cheap but having recently moved into a new place, money can get tight between mortage payments and accessories/furniture I've purchased.

ASUADPi · #9 09-07-2005, 06:11 PM

I might be in a minority, but I would honestly say just talk to him. I know that some people are old fashioned with the "who does the asking should do the paying" but in today's day an age, money is always a factor. Maybe just ask if he can "pitch in" some, but not really go "straight dutch". I mean if he wants to pay for half of the hotel, by all means if you feel comfortable, accept it, but if you don't don't.
I'm sorry. I'm not much help am I ?

adpiucf · #10 09-08-2005, 09:17 AM

I think you should pay for the hotel. He's your guest. If he offers to pay for half, accept-- I'm sure, from what I know of Mr. HB, that he'll pay for other incidentals on the way-- perhaps gas, and of course any meals, etc., outside of the wedding!

If the situation was reversed, and he invited you to an out-of-state wedding, wouldn't it make sense for him to pay for all the hotel expenses?

honeychile · #11 09-08-2005, 12:45 PM

I would pay for the hotel, but if he offers to '"help out", I'd take him up on it. Since men appreciate it when a woman offers, I would think that the reverse should be true, too.

honeychile · #12 09-11-2005, 11:34 PM

FYI, my situation has been handled - the seminar was full by the time I tried to book. I am, however, on the waiting list for the next one. Obviously, this is how it was supposed to be.

adpiucf · #13 09-26-2005, 03:17 PM

Hurricanes aside...

I was supposed to fly out of town this week for an admissions interview and campus tour for one of the MBA programs I'm interested in.

But of my little dept...
One colleague is going into the hospital tonight with his wife (they are inducing labor) so he is out all week.

Our director's mom passed away, so he is out all week.

That leaves me. The only other member of our dept. is an admin asst...

So that leaves me. And so I've cancelled my trip. I thought of it, and I called up our CFO to volunteer myself. He was really grateful, and I know it was the right thing... but...

I cancelled my GMAT because I wasn't ready... and now I've cancelled my tour.

Does everything happen for a reason or am I just sabotaging myself? I don't feel ready for all of this!

Moving, new position at the company, studying for the GMAT... I really bit off more than I could chew with all of this!!!

Stress!

BBelleADPi · #14 09-26-2005, 07:24 PM

It does sound as if God set everything up so that you could be there to help out your colleagues, AND that you'll be ready when you DO take the test!!

honeychile · #15 09-26-2005, 08:08 PM

adpiucf, I don't think you sabotaged yourself so much as took stock (unconscienciously), and decided not to spread yourself so thin. So - now you'll have a little time to concentrate on each of these important items (your tour, the GMATs, etc) and give each the consideration it deserves.