The Ex Effect

OtterXO · #1 06-04-2005, 11:46 PM

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LeslieAGD · #2 06-05-2005, 07:09 AM

How long have you been with your new boyfriend?

If this is a new relationship, you have to give it time. If you've been together for a few months and you're still having trust issues, then it might be time for a talk.

OtterXO · #3 06-05-2005, 08:51 AM

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Coramoor · #4 06-05-2005, 01:10 PM

Guys know that girls have weird ass issues. If you tell him, it probably won't come as a surprise.

valkyrie · #5 06-05-2005, 01:54 PM

That's not a weird issue at all -- it's like if you put your hand on the stove and get burned, you're going to be afraid to put your hand on a stove again, even if it's a different stove. That's just being smart and trying to protect yourself from being hurt in the same way twice.

That said, I look at it like this -- and please note that I am IN NO WAY saying this would ever happen -- but let's say the new guy DOES eventually cheat on you, or something does eventually go wrong. Will it make it any better that you were really worried about it happening? I don't think it will. I think the best course of action is for you to put aside your worries as best you can and truly enjoy the time you're spending with him. Realize that your fears are based on something someone else did and try to deal with them on your own. I don't think you should tell him but I also don't think you're unreasonable or crazy. What you're going through is an entirely NORMAL reaction and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it -- but that doesn't mean that you can't work to get past it.

Rudey · #6 06-05-2005, 04:59 PM

Is the new guy cashmoney?

-Rudey

OtterXO · #7 06-05-2005, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Rudey
Is the new guy cashmoney?

-Rudey

Yeah, we've pretty much won the Cutest GC Couple award...

James · #8 06-05-2005, 05:51 PM

These comments by Valkyrie are excellent.

Don't talk to him about it, its your hang up so why make him self conscious?

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
That's not a weird issue at all -- it's like if you put your hand on the stove and get burned, you're going to be afraid to put your hand on a stove again, even if it's a different stove. That's just being smart and trying to protect yourself from being hurt in the same way twice.

That said, I look at it like this -- and please note that I am IN NO WAY saying this would ever happen -- but let's say the new guy DOES eventually cheat on you, or something does eventually go wrong. Will it make it any better that you were really worried about it happening? I don't think it will. I think the best course of action is for you to put aside your worries as best you can and truly enjoy the time you're spending with him. Realize that your fears are based on something someone else did and try to deal with them on your own. I don't think you should tell him but I also don't think you're unreasonable or crazy. What you're going through is an entirely NORMAL reaction and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it -- but that doesn't mean that you can't work to get past it.

OtterXO · #9 06-05-2005, 06:08 PM

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cashmoney · #10 06-05-2005, 09:08 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by OtterXO
Yeah, we've pretty much won the Cutest GC Couple award...

U can say that again. I'm looking so hot right now.

cashmoney · #11 06-05-2005, 09:23 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by OtterXO
I'm not a huge fan of airing specific personal info on here, but I'm having a bit of a problem that I could use some experienced input on. I'm having a difficult time trusting the current bf because of a bad situation that happened with an ex. First let me say that the new bf is absolutely wonderful, treats me great and he given me absolutely no reason not to trust him. Also, the ex is totally not in the picture, he cheated and treated me like shit-we broke up about 3 years ago.

However, for some reason I'm apparently not over how he treated me because I'm totally scared of the situation happening again with the current/new bf. (I feel like such a spaz for saying this) A good friend of mine was in a similar situation and she recommended that I not tell the new bf this situation and just deal with it on my own since it's clearly my issues and not his. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Has anyone else had to deal with this? Did you explain your situation to the new person so they'd understand or just deal with your crap on your own? Any wise advice would be appreciated.

Let me give you my thoughts on this....

Ive been in the same situation, on both ends. I was both the guy who made girls the way you are and Ive been the guy thinking Ive got to know wtf is going on behind the scenes because of all the crapp I did.....I know how scandalous people can be and even moreso women.

First, don't tell the BF. He'll use it for his advantage later if problems arise and just tell you you're crazy for thinking that way and the reason being is because of the bad relationship. That and most relationships dont last that go that route.

Secondly, you need to come to the realization that just about ALL guys CHEAT! It happens eventually if not in the begining. Thats just something women need to come to accept. Only 13% of ALL men out there remain faithfull. You're new BF is no different from joe blow off the street. If he's not being taken care of he'll go to someone who will take care of him but usually without leaving you. Sex to men is exactly that, just sex. It doesnt mean we love you any less if we fuck another girl on the side from time to time. My advice, keep things spicey and feak nasty in the bedroom. Don't leave him any room to cheat/give him the option. If you're freaky he wont want some little slut on the side. But the moment things get stagnant the thought of other ass will seem more and more interesting until he cant take it anymore and actually does cheat. Most women out there don't even know when their guy is cheating. In fact, when we arent running around women usually think something is up as opposed to when we actually are. My problems start up when I'm actually not out getting other ass and actually are being a faithfull BF, the girls usually think something is wrong. I start getting more and more attached. Its wierd.

If you're really that worried about it, spy on him. Check his email or cell phone/records. Another good way to check him out is setting him up by getting one of your really hot friends he doesnt know to hit on him one night when you're not with him and see what happens.

Cashmotherfuckingmoney

ETA: Remember guy rule #10, the key to cheating succesfully is to not act out of the ordinary. Guys, if you're cheating don't hit it any less than normal and never admit to any wrong doing in the past or present. Always claim to be faithfull and act like you despise guys who cheat. And guy rule #11 is, don't get caught!!!

Cashmotherfuckingmoney

OtterXO · #12 06-05-2005, 09:39 PM

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James · #13 06-05-2005, 09:43 PM

Not all men cheat. A lot of us will just leave you when we get bored, or the relationship falls into that, ho hum comfortable stage that you serially monogamous people tend to get into for 4 years at a time. *yawn*

Of course, i have known a lot of seriously nice girls to cheat on their long term BF's also . . . I don't understand why people just don't leave once it gets comfortable.

Once it hits that stage its like dating a sibling.

cashmoney · #14 06-06-2005, 09:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by OtterXO
Actually maybe I'll just hook up with another guy in front of him to make him jealous...that's where most of these stories end up, right? haha

No, it wont make him jealous but instead it'd make him mad. And he'd probably do something in retaliation. An ex of mine did that crapp one time and it backfired on her. I ended up having another girl lick me on the neck and suck on the bottom part of my ear right in front of her while grabbing my dick...and I had her do it 3 times in a row. My girl ended up flipping out.

OtterXO · #15 06-06-2005, 09:27 PM

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