Worst. Date. Ever.

[adpiucf]

When you know you've picked a real winner:

1) He calls you 5 times in 24 hours
2) He takes so long to process his thoughts you can see the motors turning in his head
3) Refers to himself in the third person
4) Calls you "Angel," "Princess" and "Baby," but doesn't know your last name
5) Acknowledges his roommate is a stripper and then Mr. Wonderful admits he's also done it "three times."
6) Admits to riding on the coattails of his family's wealth and connections to get a good education, but expounds on the values of hard work and dislike for people who are in "business" because they are "money hoarders"
7) Has political aspirations... but has no clue about politics...
8) You keep closing your eyes so you can roll them without him seeing
9) He keeps saying, "Isn't that ironical?" Help me out here, Alanis... Ironical isn't a word!

And ... 10) The best part of the date is the speedy getaway in your car after you push him away from trying to kiss you and he stands there in stunned silence... Apparently, no one has ever rejected "Mr. Wonderful."