Post-Breakup questions

fullertongreek · #1 04-08-2004, 12:43 PM

So my boyfriend broke up with me recently but I started questioning his feelings for before the breakup happened. Has anyone else sat there after a breakup and thought "was I just at the right place at the right time and that is why he decided to date me or did he truly have feelings for me?"

Is that a legitimate line of thinking?

OtterXO · #2 04-08-2004, 01:01 PM

NOOOOOO...you are thinking yourself into a hole! Obviously this guy liked you and wanted to date you, why would you think anything else!? Some people just aren't ready mentally, emotionally, etc. to be in a relationship at the time. I've been through this also with an ex and I've realized that if you spend all this energy on figuring out whether the person actually loved you/wanted to be with you, then you are missing the point! Just learn from the situation! I know it's hard not to second guess everything about a relationship, but it's not going to do you any good! Just try to get out, hang out with friends and concentrate on being you!

James · #3 04-08-2004, 04:18 PM

Its legitimate . . . but hurtful and useless to think about it.

Just obey the no-contact rule.

Quote:

Originally posted by fullertongreek
So my boyfriend broke up with me recently but I started questioning his feelings for before the breakup happened. Has anyone else sat there after a breakup and thought "was I just at the right place at the right time and that is why he decided to date me or did he truly have feelings for me?"

Is that a legitimate line of thinking?

XOMichelle · #4 04-08-2004, 04:44 PM

Even if you were the perfect situation, he must have liked you for you or else he wouldn't have stared a realtionship at all.

I've had it happen to me. Perfect timing, not so perfect guy, but good for the situation. I liked somethings about him, so that's why it worked. If I hadn't liked anything, it wouldn't have happened at all.

AchtungBaby80 · #5 04-08-2004, 06:14 PM

Don't think like that--nothing good can come of it. I agree with everyone else...if he didn't like you, he wouldn't have dated you. Even I, the biggest pushover in the world (well, sometimes), wouldn't date someone just because he was there. He'd have to have a little more going for him than that!

James · #6 04-08-2004, 10:01 PM

Well . . as a guy . . I can say part of it might depend on what she looked like .. . But yeah I have dated people for short periods of time that I was only mildly interested in.

Quote:

Originally posted by AchtungBaby80
Don't think like that--nothing good can come of it. I agree with everyone else...if he didn't like you, he wouldn't have dated you. Even I, the biggest pushover in the world (well, sometimes), wouldn't date someone just because he was there. He'd have to have a little more going for him than that!

James · #7 04-08-2004, 10:04 PM

Actually is is a matter of like. No matter how much we profess we aren't ready for a relationship . . it only means that we are unready for you. The next person we meet aa day later we might be ready for . .. why? Because we like her more.

Shrug . . . look at all the stories of the man that claims not to be ready for marriage, the couple break-up, and he is married 3 months later. Its more about the person than the situation.

Quote:

Originally posted by OtterXO
NOOOOOO...you are thinking yourself into a hole! Obviously this guy liked you and wanted to date you, why would you think anything else!? Some people just aren't ready mentally, emotionally, etc. to be in a relationship at the time. I've been through this also with an ex and I've realized that if you spend all this energy on figuring out whether the person actually loved you/wanted to be with you, then you are missing the point! Just learn from the situation! I know it's hard not to second guess everything about a relationship, but it's not going to do you any good! Just try to get out, hang out with friends and concentrate on being you!

sororitygirl2 · #8 04-09-2004, 12:29 AM

My boyfriend and I recently broke up and I am thinking it is more of a matter of being at the right place at the wrong time. When two great people meet each other and are ready to put effort into a relationship, then it works. If two great people meet but aren't ready, it usually doesn't, sadly enough.

alikat2 · #9 04-09-2004, 01:31 AM

I've totally been a victim of bad timing. Beware of rebound guys/girls. Even if two people like each other, and would be good together, if one of them is rebounding after a heartbreak, boy, does that pose a nearly impossible challenge.

But to answer your original question--I agree with the others, don't second guess yourself. You'll only make yourself miserable, and if he didn't have at least some feelings for you, he would never have dated you.

AOTTAdvisor · #10 04-09-2004, 01:06 PM

Fullerton Greek, I am right there with you. The guy I was dating and I just broke up because even though it had seemed okay at the begginning, there was no way in hell I could see myself with a future with him at anytime and he was definately not ready to settle down either. But for the last 2 days I have been wondering so many things along the same lines as you. I agree with everyone who said that sometimes its 2 great people, just not at the right time in their life.
But I will say my heart still hurts like hell, even though it was for the best.....

IheartMATT806 · #11 04-09-2004, 04:03 PM

just move on. there is no need to worry about the "what ifs"..bottom line it didnt work out now find someelse and make it work.