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08-12-2003, 04:15 AM
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Please Read!!!
I have a huge concern with my sorority house. I just recently graduated and love my chapter house dearly, so this is why I need to ask all of you to give your honest opinions on what's going in my house right now. Basically, I just found out that two sisters in my house have decided to become a couple. One of them already let us know that she is bisexual, and the other one we weren't as sure about, but know she is now. I am concerned with what this will do to the reputation of our chapter. I'm not at all against their lifestyle outside of the house, but the fact that they are sisters in my chapter is what concerns me. What do you think our house should do? I don't want to even think about kicking them out or anything, but I don't know what should be done. Should they just keep it a secret for Potential New Members that are rushing the house? Has anyone ever heard of this happening in a chapter? I'm concerned with what will happen with our reputation as well as concerned with how the girls will be perceived. How do you all feel about this situation? Is my concern unfounded? Please let me know what you all think should be done, if anything.
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08-12-2003, 08:19 AM
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Location: Glassboro, NJ (south jersey)
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No offense concernedalum, but does it really matter all that much? I mean, I know the way your chapter is percieved is important, but it seems to me that by voicing your concern in the way you did, you're making it sound like its a BAD thing to be gay/bi.
I would be MUCH less concerned on how others percieve your chapter (I mean, do you really want NM's as closed-minded and unaccepting as that?), and more concerned with what this could to internally to your chapter.
While I know a few organizations on my campus that have done this, I always tend to wonder just how good an idea that is. I mean, let's face it, couples break up and if they have a rough split, this could cause a significant rift in your org. I would be more concerned with this aspect rather than what people on the outside will think of your chapter.
If they're happy, then why shouldn't they be allowed to "be together?" I think it's kinda f**ked up to even consider punishing them or desistering them for doing what is natural to them. If you truly are Sisters, you need to be tolerant and understanding, not ready to drop someone for being different or because you're afriad of what other people will think. That's not at all what Sisterhood/Brotherhood is about.
Besides, just because a few members are bi or gay doesn't mean the whole school is going to see your org as "the Lesbo Sorority." Calm down, and just accept it. There really isn't anything you can do.
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08-12-2003, 08:45 AM
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I would think that the concern is if the happy couple would break up. THAT could cause a huge fallout, depending on how it was handled.
ETA to correct spelling, because I can't see straight from staying up late with the rush threads!
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Last edited by honeychile; 08-12-2003 at 08:47 AM.
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08-12-2003, 08:52 AM
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Hey there everyone, just thought that I would throw my two cents in, speaking from experience. Though there is nothing wrong with their lifestyles and you should be happy for them, if they are happy. if the happy couple is to break up on bad terms, thats not a good thing. Last year, when I came out, I dated a sister, from the same chapter. Well, the happy relationship lasted all of about four months and when things went really sour. Through it all my sisters where supportive and happy for us. Now me and that sister, which I was really close to, dont even speak. I am still active and she dropped out. Try and be supportive of them, because they are you sisters, but from experience thats not a good situation.
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08-12-2003, 09:47 AM
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concernedalum03~
I pm'd you!
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08-12-2003, 09:47 AM
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as many girls as i see making out with each other when they are drunk and trying to impress some dumb a$$ fraternity boys who doesn't want them anyway, what's the big deal?
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08-12-2003, 09:55 AM
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The only issue I see is the one brought up already - what if they were to break up.
Do we have people in co-ed GLOs on GC? Perhaps they can give us some perspective?
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08-12-2003, 10:46 AM
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I'm not sure if you are actually using "my house" to refer to the physical structure, or to the chapter. If you are concerned that they might break up and make things complicated in the house, that's valid...perhaps they could have something along the lines of a prenup that says if they break up, one of them moves out. Because this is more serious than two roommates who are fighting over the dirty laundry under the bed. I'm sure that coed GLOs who live together have some sort of rule on this. I was in APO and there was a LOT of interdating, but thankfully we didn't all live together.
If you mean they just happen to be two members of the chapter...when rushees go through, do you tell them "well Mary is dating a Pi Kap, Susie is a virgin and Janie just sleeps with whoever is available"? I didn't think so. Why on earth would you tell them about this, then?
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08-12-2003, 11:48 AM
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Why is it that straight people have LIVES and gay people have LIFESTYLES?
Do straight people have HAIR and gay people have HAIRSTYLES?
ConcernedAlum, I've had this situation in my house. It can make things tense, but it wasn't a turnoff for PNMs. Besides, we didn't want PNMs who would be closed-minded like that anyway.
The breaking-up part sucks a lot, and it did mess things up quite a bit. Generally, I'd say that intra-chapter dating is not necessarily a good idea, just like intra-office dating. However, you need to realize that people are more inclined to fall for the people they're close to, and really, to whom are you closer than your sisters? Sometimes you just can't avoid it.
The dating sisters need to realize that their relationship may make some people uncomfortable. It sucks, but if other sisters have an issue with it, then out of courtesy to them, the dating sisters should tone it down. The fact is that sororities were designed to be sexual-tension-free environments. When a gay relationship enters the picture, it alters a fundamental balance. Given that gay relationships are now pervasive in American lives, gay relationships in sororities are something that people are going to have to learn to deal with. It's a slow process, but it's coming along.
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08-12-2003, 02:21 PM
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I'm also a member of Alpha Phi Omega, a coed service fraternity. While we don't have a house, most of the members are very close and hang out a lot. We have definitely had brothers date each other, and several of those couples have broken up. No, it's not particularly pleasant, but it's not our place to dictate dating rules (with the possible exception of pledges...and not everyone agrees with me there).
Break-ups aren't easy, period. As much as you love your house, I think you have to step back and trust your sisters to make the best decision. But from the tone of your message, it sounds like you're also concerned about how you'll be perceived. I can't really offer much advice on this, except to not freak out over it. If you make it into a big deal, it will become a big deal. ALL of our organizations have gay/lesbian/bisexual members. There's a webpage, www.lambda10.org, that has a lot of resources about being gay and in a GLO. Remember to love and support your sisters, and good luck to your chapter.
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08-13-2003, 07:58 AM
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concernedalum03, I can see reason for your concern. It's like the "Not in my backyard" syndrom. Yet, it exists and what is important now, is how you, as sisters, react. Tolerance sometimes has to be relearned. We don't know where your chapter is, the number of members compared to the other chapters on campus or the "status" your house enjoys. It's easier for a large group of women with clout to absorb something that COULD be considered "negative" by any number of PNMs.
17 and 18 year old girls can be intimidated by something like this.
They don't know the young women in question so all they (PNMs) have to go on is info they glean from rush/tent talk. If this is a big topic on your campus, it could indeed hurt your recruitment. I can't even begin to think what a breakup could do to the sisterhood.
I think discretion is the key. Every chapter has a member or two or three whose "lifestyle" could put off a PNM. If a sister is-shall we say-sexually liberal- you don't want THAT all over campus either. If these two are living their lives like any other couple who chooses to be together without shouting it from the rooftop, then I believe it could be a non issue. If your chapter is small or struggling, IMO, it could be a nail in the coffin. Every chapter has some "image" connected to it. This is NOT an "image" a chapter wants to cultivate. Diversity yes, homosexuality no. How big of an impact this would have on YOUR campus is something we on GC can't know. Young women today seem to be much more accepting than my generation was yet, I do feel they are pretty cut and dry about this issue though. They will either accept or condem it.
That does NOT make them a BAD person. It just points to a lack of exposure or perhaps personal, religious beliefs.
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08-13-2003, 09:58 AM
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I won't say which chapter at what school but unfortunately, having a "God forbid!" gay member of your chapter can have devastating affects to your chapter.
A strong chapter in a school pledged a girl who happened to be the president of the gay/lesbian club at school. Then after a few rushes, they couldn't make quota. At all. Not even close. So national closed them down.
I'm not saying this is right. And just because the school was in the south, I am not saying it's because it's in the south. However, the chapter was closed and bottom line, if chapters don't bring in money/make quota, they are at risk at being shut down.
I am disheartened at the fact that that school couldn't look at diversity as a good thing. And I wish that chapter would have "made a stand" but it was National's decision to close them, not the chapter.
Personally, a few of my sisters were gay and I was in the perceived "sophisticated" sorority at my school and we alsways made quota and it was no big deal.
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08-13-2003, 10:25 AM
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My chapter went through the whole 'sister break up thing' last semster...the semster that I pledged. My pledge mom (one of the sisters that was involed) was really close to dropping out but stayed because of my pledge sis and me (thank g-d). It suxs and it's hard, because you still got to see each other and pretend to get along, but after awhile it got better then it was at first. We have many gay/bi-sexual memembers and I believe that is one of the reasons we have trouble come rush time
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08-13-2003, 06:27 PM
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I keep reading and rereading this thread.
Okay, here it goes! # 1 when I first saw a Black in one of our composites I was going crazy! I met Brother R J and We are close Brothers!
When I met a Brother who told me he was Gay from another Chapter and we met, We Are Still not only Brothers But very close Friends!
I have since found out there were Gay members of my Chapter that I knew, my comment was so what!
Jono Sent me a book "Out On Fraterity Row" that lists Greek Orgs by the members who have said they were gay!
Yes, it is a fact of life!
Now in the small minds of I am going So&So, oh they have a gay, you dont want to be a gay memeber!
Tell them to Kiss Your ass! These are very nice and intelligent people who really care for the same things that We do In Our Chapters!
Oh, dont go XYZ, They are to big size wise, Oh dont go with ABC they are all Blondes!
Bah HUMBUG!
If they are Good Members in Good Standing, smart, doing for your Org. Well liked and fun, Get Off Your Ass and support them! They are Your Sisters!
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08-14-2003, 03:39 AM
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Unfortunately there ARE some PNMs who *may* be put off by knowing that there are gay/bi members in your chapter... especially if you are from a more conservative area...BUT as KappaKittyCat said do you want those women who would judge based on sexuality as sisters anyway ? PLUS I would hope that it would show a prospective women that you have a sisterhood that is inclusive and supportive, I mean it's not like it's going to be "in their faces" anyway... Boys is one of the no no topics at rush... these girls' relationship doesn't need to a topic of conversation... but they shouldn't feel a need to hide it either.
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