Would you tell?

[The Original Ape]

Alright ladies! I have a topic-similar to the ones most have read here before; but I'm curious how you all would handle it. Here it goes!

If you were in a mad relationship with yo man, loved him for real, but something happened while he was on a long trip. Yeah, that's right, YOU messed around! Would you tell him? Knowing he's the kind of man that would leave instantly; and feeling like you love him so much you didn't want anyone else to tell him, WOULD YOU TELL HIM?

[Resplendent_Maria]

Originally posted by mizzkes:
But to answer your question, if I did, I probably would not tell. I would not want to hurt him. Plus, if he cheated on me, I don't think that I would want him to tell me either.

Mizzkes,
Girl, you seriously would not want your man to tell you that he cheated if he did? I could understand that it might hurt you to know (and vice versa) but in my opinion, an honest and healthy relationship should be with trust and if cheating were the case on either side, I would want my man to tell me so I can make the decision to either stay with him or leave him alone.
(Just my opinion! )

----------------
Maria

[Sexy Mocha]

Speaking on behalf of all the good WOMEN in this forum ...If I was that deeply in love with my man, I wouldn't have messed around in the first place. However, to play along with your scenario, I would definitely NOT tell. What he doesn't know, won't hurt him. If I would be that bold to cheat...I would think I would have the sense enough to do it so discreetly that no one, other than myself and my boy toy , would know about it. So, I wouldn't be paranoid...walking around thinking someone else is going to tell him because no one else would know . As terrible as this may sound, I would probably take the little affair/incident to my grave.
By the way I'm aware that everything done in the dark must come to light eventually...but I still would take my chances and refrain from telling him.

[AKA2D '91]

Just to play devil's advocate...

If you do not tell, would you then (with your conscience whipping you), start thinking that your mate is cheating. Alot of times, this happens. You (generally speaking) began accusing the other person of cheating, cause you are guilty of cheating yourself.

[Sexy Mocha]

I guess I would start thinking he was cheating too. But, I wouldn't let my thoughts get the best of me. I wouldn't question him or let him know that I was becoming suspicious.That would only make me seem guilty of something...I would hope I would be aware that my thinking he was cheating is only a result of my own guilt.

[Cream Puff]

I know for a fact that I would NOT tell my man that I cheated (if I ever were to cheat!) WHY, would I? If I really loved him, I would not want to hurt him.

[Sexy Mocha]

I just re-read Original's post and started to think about it more. Not to justify my cheating, but remember...my husband is away on a LONG trip...probably staying in a hotel...what exactly is he doing in his spare time??? Hmmm.
Anyway, my original decision still stands...I would not tell. If some nosey neighbor/friend/family member somehow gets wind of what has happened and tells him...and he asks me about it.....I would still deny it. (They would have no real proof.) In the immortal words of Martin, Tommy, and Cole....."KEEP THE LIE ALIVE"!!

[ms.manicure]

I think if You know someone else was going to tell you shoud. But me, if that were to happen to me i would'nt tell. Good girls never tell.

[mizzkes]

I'd like to play the good girl role (just in case my boyfriend is reading this) and say wholeheartedly that "I WOULD NEVER CHEAT". But to answer your question, if I did, I probably would not tell. I would not want to hurt him. Plus, if he cheated on me, I don't think that I would want him to tell me either.

[sankofa15]

WOULD YOU TELL HIM?[/B][/QUOTE]

Naw I wouldn't tell. This is something that I will carry to my grave..... Dealing with jerky guys for the past couple of years has made me develop a cold shell around my heart. I can do some cold things...and not think twice about it, (in the love sections of life....i'm a sweet person though). I'm working on it... i've just had wack experiences.

[Queencece]

I would tell no doubt! It's better to have a relationship based on honesty than to have a relationship based on lies and besides what if you decided not to tell and one day down the road it slipped out or someone you confided in told or slipped out of their mouths. Then you would have to ecplain yourself and then he would leave you for not tellin him and trustin him to make his own decisions on whether to stay with you or leave you. And then what if you found out that you two could have worked through this. That would have made you feel even worse because you would tell and the honesty wasnt there. And what if you were on the verge of marriage or even engaged?!! There goes your relationship. So, I would be straight up and honest and tell my man look this is what happened. And another thing what about your conscience?! Wouldnt that eat you up inside??!
Well thats my take on this matter and sorry to be so blunt, but this is a huge part of life and growin up. Its time we start actin our age and not our shoe sizes! Be mature and most importantly do the right thing!
Peace and one!
Queencece

P.S. Hope this helps!

[Resplendent_Maria]

Well said, Queencece!

[mizzkes]

Resplendent: You read it absolutely right, I would not want him to tell me. It would not be necessary. When men cheat, their actions following the incident usually tell on them anyway. They are either extremely nice or extremely distant afterward. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now, I would know in my heart if he cheated. And at this point in my life, I am dealing with so many other issues that to have him come home and tell me he cheated would probably break me. So, I would rather not know. Now, if later, I feel like I want to know if he has been faithful, I would simply ask him. It is a "don't ask don't tell situation" and I am very cool with it. Long distance relationships are tricky.

[Sexy Mocha]

Mizzkes, I am feeling you girl...I can understand where you're coming from.

[tickledpink]

*Disclaimer --- I wouldn't do it***, but I would tell only if he asked. And asked. And asked. And asked some more... - you get the picture.

[This message has been edited by tickledpink (edited August 21, 2000).]