What should I have done differently?

CatStarESP4 · #1 07-10-2003, 07:15 PM

First hear out the situation before you reply!

Last year, I went to a conference with a bunch of my GDI friends that a non-GLO organization I was briefly involved in was giving. I attended a workshop that was given by friend A despite another friend (friend B) telling me to go to another workshop. I went to the one A was giving anyway. I don't think B had any right to tell me what to do.

Several days after we returned home from the conference, several of us had a meeting and dinner. I was about to leave to go home. I wasn't feeling well and wanted to sleep it off. B and friend C decided to confront me about my "behavior" in the conference and why I got involved in organization outside the restaurant. They assumed that I joined it to impress and be with A. If that was the case, it was, in their eyes, not an organization for me (the ultimate put down in my opinion). I tried to explain that it not the case, but I sounded like a blithering idiot. I like A a lot and like to hang out with him, but I would never join an organization to impress some guy. It would go against my ethics. I believe I joined it for all the right reasons and if they aren't good enough for them, well, they're good enough for me!

I left the group several months ago feeling embittered and betrayed over the incident. I think A knows what happened, but hasn't told me about it. I haven't even asked him if he knows about it, but I have a feeling he hasn't made a big stink about it (unlike B and C). I want to rejoin the group eventually, but it will take me some time.

FuzzieAlum · #2 07-10-2003, 07:40 PM

How about getting some less sensitive friends?

Seriously, what business is it of theirs what orgs you want to join? Unless you've always said, "I'm a Democrat," and then one day you meet a hot Republican and then the next day go to the Campus GOP meeting, well, then they could question you, but even so in the end it's your life and not theirs.

I would doubt the sincere friendship of friends who automatically put the most negative spin on my actions rather than a positive one.

AchtungBaby80 · #3 07-11-2003, 12:08 AM

I don't think you could've done anything differently and still been satisfied with yourself. I'm sorry you had to leave the organization, though, and I don't see any reason why your friends should have been upset.

astroAPhi · #4 07-11-2003, 09:38 AM

Geesh, I've kinda been there. I quit (or rather, went alumni ) Student Ambassadors, which I was VP of, because of a bunch of things that made me not want to have anything to do with them anymore. Now that the offenders are gone, I am thinking about going back. It's not easy. If you need someone to talk to, go ahead and PM me.

I think you have the right to do whatever you want. Your friends shouldn't be making a stink about something this silly. And if they're making a stink because of a guy... that's even more silly.

I don't see anywhere that you are in the wrong.

CatStarESP4 · #5 07-11-2003, 06:04 PM

I failed to mention that B and C told me to my face that night the organization not a friendship one! What fools are they!!! They should have known friendships, networking opportunities and possibly marriages are positive consequences of joining clubs and organizations (regardless of whether they're social, professional, political, etc). In this case, I have seen members in that group who are friends with each other and they hang with each other. I still don't understand why I was singled out because of that incident in conference.

The stink they made about it was very silly, but also extremely moronic.

I felt so terrible afterwards and spent some nights crying or in tears because of the stupidity.

I didn't see A the rest of the summer. We were reunited in the fall, but I didn't know how he would react to seeing me there. I thought he would get angry and tell me to "get the f*ck out of there". I thought that he must've been told about it, but not likely. I ignored him at first, but he said hello to me. He was very sweet to me, but I kept my distance at first (no thanks to the confrontation I had with B and C months earlier). Eventually, I was back at pre-incident form with him. Whenever I hung out with him, I felt comfortable being around him.

OUlioness01 · #6 07-11-2003, 08:51 PM

why should your choice of workshop have anything to do with friendship? couldn't you have merely had more to gain by going to friend A's workshop? if the org "is not a friendship" tahn why should your friends have felt they could make the choice on which workshop you should go to? that's just my 2 cents

XOMichelle · #7 07-11-2003, 08:55 PM

I'm confused! What exactly are B and C saying you did wrong? They seem like people you need to talk to.

CatStarESP4 · #8 07-18-2003, 09:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by XOMichelle
I'm confused! What exactly are B and C saying you did wrong? They seem like people you need to talk to.

They assumed that I joined a that organization to impress A, but that wasn't the case. It was also because I attended the workshop he gave, that resulted in this assumption. For the record, I wanted to learn about the subject he was discussing and how it interested him. (I have curious nature that ages with me!)

Of course I could have talked to B and C or any other members, if I had questions/concerns. However, it was the way they made me feel like a vain fool.

I apologize if I confused anyone with the issue! Hope this clarifies matters!

KillarneyRose · #9 07-18-2003, 11:04 PM

I think what may be bothering you is that you don't feel you defended yourself adequately when B and C ganged up on you outside the restaurant. Are you anything like me? I'm the type of person who thinks up the perfect response to someone a good twenty minutes AFTER the opportunity to say it has come and gone! Do you maybe feel that they got the best of you since you ended up leaving the organization and they stayed?

Possibly the best thing would be for you to get back in the saddle and rejoin the club. Let B and C know that you're back and there's not a damn thing they can do about it.

And if I'm impossibly off-base with this, please disregard this post!

CatStarESP4 · #10 07-20-2003, 03:19 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
I think what may be bothering you is that you don't feel you defended yourself adequately when B and C ganged up on you outside the restaurant. Are you anything like me? I'm the type of person who thinks up the perfect response to someone a good twenty minutes AFTER the opportunity to say it has come and gone! Do you maybe feel that they got the best of you since you ended up leaving the organization and they stayed?

Possibly the best thing would be for you to get back in the saddle and rejoin the club. Let B and C know that you're back and there's not a damn thing they can do about it.

And if I'm impossibly off-base with this, please disregard this post!

Well said, Killarney Rose!

I am like that and I wind up kicking myself in the ass for not thinking of it sooner. No, you are not off-based with your post. Any advice is appreciated!