Ponder this.....

Sjones · #1 02-25-2003, 04:47 PM

Hi all! I just read a heartfelt post about sisterhood and I have something to ask all of you. Lets say that back during your pledge period, you had met some really swell chicks. Many sisters feel that period of bonding was more intense than at any other time in their college years. Deep friendships are formed, secrets are shared and wonderful memories are made.

As you know, pledges attend every function aside of sister meetings. They can (in some situations) even reside in the house/suite with initiated sisters where seemingly close ties are formed on the fast track.
Now, lets say one or two of these cool chicks unfortunatly did not make it through to initiation for some reason. Do you swiftly cut her off entirely? Would you speak to her when you saw her on campus?

Now...a bit later in life...Would you help her get a great job if you were in a position to do so...like at your company...give her a good reference?

If her child fell ill and she needed help like donations for cancer treatments not covered by insurance, would you give if you could afford it and knew where to send the check?

Would you provide the simple kindness of a phone call or card when she had a death in her immediate family?

I realize these questions will seem like an insult to to most of you. They are not meant as such in any way. Thanks in advance for your feedback and have a lovely day!

PS- guys feel free to reply regarding your experiences in this area.
Thanks again!

33girl · #2 02-25-2003, 05:21 PM

Depends on the circumstances under which she depledged.

Sjones · #3 02-25-2003, 05:35 PM

Under what circumstances would you help or not help? Here are some examples or share something you may have seen.

A. she had to for money reasons. (her choice)
B. she was rejected for GPA (not her choice)
C. She got married (her choice)
D. She got pregnant and was asked to depledge (not her choice)

Thanks to 33 girl for her post! Have a super great day!

ilovemyglo · #4 02-25-2003, 05:43 PM

This happened about two years ago at my chapter. A great girl named Alecia pledged and she was everything that an Alpha Gam should be. She was super sweet, very good about promoting Alpha Gam in a positive light and was basically born with and Alpha Gamma and Delta on her (I am sure of it!).
She had to depledge because she didn't make grades two semesters in a row. She lived in the house and was supposed to be my next roommate (and little- I only took one little and had promised never to take another, but this girl even my lil said she wanted!). She ended up moving home out of state. We still keep in touch and I am waiting for her to graduate from a college that doesn't have an AGD chapter in order to nominate her for Alumnae Initiation. She earned the right. She passed her pledge test, paid all her monies, and represented and respected what Alpha Gamma Delta is. We are still friends, everyone loved her and she is still welcome to come by the house. She doesn't wear letters, she returned them, she does not claim to be an AGD but every year at Greek week she shows up and cheers her loudest.

I love that girl!

Tom Earp · #5 02-25-2003, 05:53 PM

SJones, a lot depends on the situation and circumstances and also the individual!

Was it a good break or bad? Was it financial, grades, etc.?

While this may be a little out of the box,

There was 2 posts on GC about a TKE Brother who met and went through School with, (Both are Alums ), who one needed a kidney transplant badly, the other Brother of TKE DONATED part of his to save His TKE Brothers Life.

That really says a lot to me!

Pledgeship is a learning process by which the Chapter and each new Associate find out about each other!

Every Rush Function, everyone is trying to be on the best behavior, but do you really find out about each other until you live and work together?

I guess taht is the question.

I know we try to teach My Brothers to Associate new young men who they feel will help the Chapter in many ways, Grades, Being Active, Responsible, or what ever is asked with in reason!

That is the Crux of the situation!

Every New Young Man we Associate, We want them to be Activated and be productive for the betterment of the Chapter and the Fraternity.

MoxieGrrl · #6 02-25-2003, 05:59 PM

Numerous sisters of mine have left the house for various reasons. I feel that regardless of a reason a sister depledges/deactivates, if they were my friend in the house, they will be my friend after the house. Even if she leaves in scandel, I can sit back from the situation and say, "I do not like what she did, but I still like her." And any of my friends can have my organs, cash, etc.... if they really need it

Glitter650 · #7 02-25-2003, 06:16 PM

I don't really think it mattered WHY this girl depledged... I would think the major concern would be whether or not she still held respect for the sorority.
IE did she go and tell whatever secrets she learned as a new member(if any) does she talk smack about members/the organization ? If not then I say DEFINITELY I would remain friends with this woman... I mean the bonds created are real, even if this one woman doesn't get to wear your letters with you...you're still friends and there's no reason not to talk with her just becuase she had to depledge or chose to depledge for whatever reason.

Sjones · #8 02-25-2003, 06:18 PM

Thanks to Tom Earp and ilovemyglow for your posts!

Lets add another not quite so pretty dimension that complicates things a bit...keeping my original questions in mind...

Lets say she (like your friend who lived in the house for a year but did not make grades) elected to go ahead and try another semester as an "inactive pledge" during which her grades came up to par...a powerful testiment to her commitment. During this time she remained socialy but not formally associated and otherwise did exactly as directed.

Now...when it came time to vote her in/out...the chapter was on the fence and in the end 50% voted for and 50% against so she did not quite make it.

Lets further this by asking how you would respond if you had then voted for her...would you speak to her after or support her later?

What if as an alum you thought upon seeing her again later in life that she was a sister. You exchange addresses, family information ect. and have a great time reuninting and then surprise...you find out that shes not initiated. Do you continue
to be friends?

Do you feel that supporting a non-member defiles the bond you have with initiated sisters/brothers?

Again, thanks for your reply. Have a great day!

Tom Earp · #9 02-25-2003, 06:19 PM

Moxie/Glitter, thank you for saying that , you put it much better than I did or could!

greeklawgirl · #10 02-25-2003, 06:27 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Sjones
Do you feel that supporting a non-member defiles the bond you have with initiated sisters/brothers?

Why would being friends with a non-member defile my bond with my sisters?

The fact of the matter is that people depledge for many reasons. Buf if someone is a good person, and I get along with her, then I have no problem being friends with her--sister or not.

Kevin · #11 02-25-2003, 08:54 PM

Without regard as to why the individual left, aren't we all entitled to human dignity? Certainly you might not choose to associate with an individual because of something they did that you disapprove of but do you know the whole story? It seems a little judgemental and pious to just write her off entirely.

MSSTCY1 · #12 02-26-2003, 02:22 PM

I had several pledge sisters depledge throughout my process. I still speak to some of them, but others steer shy of myself, and the whole sorority. For those who have remained my friend, I would always be there for them.

Also, we have ha several members in the past couple years disafiliate for numerous reasons. However, sisters still keep in contact with them and invite them to events. One of these sisters even attended a pinning ceremony last fall.

I feel that it is the way in which someone responds to myself or the sorority as a whole, which will decide how I support her in the future. We all have friends who are there for the moment, and those who are there for life, I know that a lot of my sisters will always be there for me, but I have the same bonds with people outside the sorority as well.

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #13 02-26-2003, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Why would being friends with a non-member defile my bond with my sisters?

I think this is assuming the sister just got fed up with the sorority, or otherwise disrespected it.........

i.e. I heard a story about a sister that had her badge taken (she'd hazed a new member of her own accord) and was so upset about it, she'd spread whatever trash she could about her former sorority....

THAT kind of girl I would not associate with.

But like Alecia, ilovemyglo's former sister, would be a great example of a good sister that just had trouble. She was everything an Alpha Gam should be -- she just had trouble. (Goll, I wish *I'd* had her in my sorority! What a lady -- she still respects Alpha Gam, gave back her letters of her own accord -- mine would have to be pried out of my clammy dead hands! -- and CONTINUES to support Alpha Gam! wow!)

greeklawgirl · #14 02-26-2003, 03:16 PM

Oh, I definitely understand that there is a big difference between someone who's depledged on good terms and someone who's left on bad terms. I certainly wouldn't go out of my way to remain friends with someone who depledged and left the chapter in shambles, or was plotting character assassination against the sorority.

I was just a little peeved at the phrasing of the question. None of the situations the poster described were particularly negative, yet the question was about "defiling the bond" I have with my sisters. To me, its just patently ridiculous to think that (a) I would cast off a friend just because she wasn't a sister, and (b) that I am somehow insulting Alpha Gamma Delta by associating myself with a good person who--for one reason or another--couldn't initiate.

BTW, I also heartily agree with ktsnake. No matter what circumstances someone depledged under, we all have a basic obligation to treat other people with a certain modicum of courtesy. And when all else fails--if you can't say something nice about someone, don't say anything at all.

KillarneyRose · #15 02-26-2003, 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by HotDamnImAPhiMu
I think this is assuming the sister just got fed up with the sorority, or otherwise disrespected it.........

i.e. I heard a story about a sister that had her badge taken (she'd hazed a new member of her own accord) and was so upset about it, she'd spread whatever trash she could about her former sorority....

THAT kind of girl I would not associate with.

But like Alecia, ilovemyglo's former sister, would be a great example of a good sister that just had trouble. She was everything an Alpha Gam should be -- she just had trouble. (Goll, I wish *I'd* had her in my sorority! What a lady -- she still respects Alpha Gam, gave back her letters of her own accord -- mine would have to be pried out of my clammy dead hands! -- and CONTINUES to support Alpha Gam! wow!)

You hit the nail right on the head, HDimaPM! If a sister or new member had to leave my organization under any circumstances but continued to conduct herself like a lady, I would be delighted to be friends with her. In fact, the very thing happened to my best friend from college and I'm going to be her matron of honor in two months!

BUT...if the sister left and went around doing things like saying rude things about my sisterhood or, Heaven forbid, selling DZ stuff on ebay or something equally classless, there is no way I would want to be friends with her. But then, I tend not to hang around with uncouth, undignified, bitter people whether they have greek affiliation or not. I just feel sorry for them.