I think I may have pledged the wrong fraternity, need advice

[kackhunter24]

I am currently pledging a fraternity, but I am beginning to think I made a big mistake. The fraternity I am pledging is really small, only 16 active brothers. At first I liked this because they were all so close, but now I am realizing I do not really fit in with them. After spending a lot of time with them, I am starting to think I am a lot more different from them than I originally thought. I liked my pledge class at first too, but now I am seeing I'm different from them too. When they get drunk they act like idiots, like middle schoolers that just drank for the first time. During rush I had fun at their parties, but am now realizing their parties are kinda lame. They have a small house far from campus, so they dont usually get more than 80-100 people crammed in their house for parties. While working them I think to myself, "would I even be having fun if I was a brother right now?"

I joined greek life late, I am pledging as a junior. I have thought about dropping and joining another house next semester, but I really do not want to go through pledging all again, and as a senior. Plus this is a very small campus, so I would not be able to avoid the brothers of this frat if I dropped. They have a history of making life hell for pledges who dropped, most transfer.

While I feel like I made the wrong decision right now, I really do not know, it fluctuates a lot. The reason I am pledging as a junior is that I struggled to make connections with people at this school before hand. I thought I had finally found my group of people, but now I think I may be wrong, and it really hurts. While I feel I may be wrong, I am not sure. I have a lot of fun with these guys some nights, but others I feel like this and that I want to drop. It really depends on the night. I feel like dropping could be the right decision, but I also feel like it could be a huge mistake. I really just do not know. I also know all the guys really care about me. Even though we are kinda different, they have showed how much they care about me and want me here. This would make leaving much harder on me, even if it is the right call

I just wish I could turn back time to 2 years ago, when I was actually happy. A year and a half ago something happened that messed my life up pretty badly, and I am still feeling the effects to this day. I had a great life before this event, and it has really been awful since. I thought this fraternity would finally bring me out of this incredibly long and painful slump, but now I am not sure, which makes the pain so much worse. I apologize for this last paragraph, I just really needed to get it off my chest.

Any advice would really be appriciated, thanks.