Help please!!

HoneyBunny · #1 04-24-2002, 01:43 PM

Hi girls,
We are having a slight dilemma in our chapter. There is a girl to whom we gave a bid to, but after doing so, realized we probably should not have. She just does not fit in at all. She only comes to mandatory events and makes no attempt to befriend other girls. The actives have made numerous attempts to make her feel welcome, but it has not been a success. She has completed the new member program but could not be initiated due to grades. She hasn't done anything wrong, it's just that she REALLY doens't fit in. What should we or can we do??? Thanks!

Optimist Prime · #2 04-24-2002, 03:14 PM

Hi! I don't mean to but in, but we had that same problem last semester with one of my pledge brothers. He quit. Nevermind thats a bad example. If she gets her grades up and is initiated then you never know, she might surprise you. She could just be the quiet type. Call her everyday for dinner. It should be the same person. Then get more and more people to come and she'll be friends. Hope that helped.

xo_sue · #3 04-24-2002, 04:17 PM

Hmmmm sounds like you are talking about me eons ago! When I first pledged- I only showed up to mandatory events and did not really try to get to know my sisters. I was still glued onto the dorm friends I made first semester and a boyfriend. Guess what- I also had to wait because I did not make grades.. .(damn- maybe this is me!) No - but just give her a chance - I came around after I made grades and dumped the boyfriend and truly became a perfect fit with the sorority. If she really doesn't fit in- I'm sure she feels it too and most likely- won't make the effort to make grades for the Fall.

Hootie · #4 04-25-2002, 01:46 PM

You must realize that the first year of college is a big adjustment...for some it's an even bigger one than for others! Perhaps this girl is lonely and just doesn't know if she fits in yet. Perhaps she's busy. I know I wasn't sure about the choice I made my first semester...about school, the sorority, everything. All my friends left for the same University, and I was stuck at home, working, going to school. I had to make new friends...but luckily that's where Chi Omega helped. It was hard at first, because I didn't think it was possible for a group of girls to accept me; no questions asked.
I came around, but it does take some time for others. Be patient with her. She might have other problems going on in her life that you all don't know about ` and that she doesn't feel comfortable talking about.
Hootie

blueyes · #5 04-25-2002, 05:57 PM

My suggestion is to have a heart-to-heart with her if you haven't already. Her big should be the one to lead this effort.

One of the nice things about my chapter is that all of us aren't out of the same mold and relating to others despite their differences is a great way for everybody to grow. Pledgeship is really an adjustment period for both her and the members. Also, some people are less of a joiner than others. The chapter may be what she needs to draw her out. Give her time and see what develops.

If she really doesn't fit then she'll prolly move on, otherwise why would she bear the expense of belonging to a sorority if it's not her thing.

aggieAXO · #6 04-26-2002, 04:22 AM

sorry to barge in but..

There was a girl who was the same way her freshman year in my sorority( I was not in the chapter at the time but this girl told me about how she was not involved at all her first year and had regretted it). She only went to mandatory things. That all changed her sophomore year-she became an officer and truly one of the best members of the chapter. Her junior year she was rush chair and did this for a total of 3 years.

She did make grades though each semester and I guess that to me is one of the most worrisome aspects of this member. Like someone said above if she is truly not that interested/focused she probably won't make her grades for the next semester.

Mystic Cat32 · #7 05-13-2002, 04:09 AM

Greetings,
I don't mean to butt in either but I know that most Greeks value the Pythagorean Ideal of the "Fusion of the opposites of the mean". This ideal was favored by the Freemasons who gave birth to all Fraternal Orders, secret societys, and sororities in the world. My advice is to help this young women develop a sense of sisterhood. As sisters you will have the capability of being a huge impact on some of her best years in life. If you have already had a serious one on one with her and she still hasn't gotten it then perhaps she is not ready to walk the pathway that your sisters walk. I always prefer quality over quantity. I hope that this email may shed some light.