Missing Bid Night?

violetsnpearls3 · #1 06-26-2015, 06:54 PM

My boyfriend goes to USMMA, the United States Merchant Marines Academy, and he has a ring ceremony coming up in a few months that he wants me to attend with him. Its a major thing for them, it being the mark of the beginning of the senior year as well as being a way for us to see each other (hes in NY, i'm in the midwest) which is really rare and would be amazing to do.

The problem?

That weekend is also formal recruitment, with me missing the preference tea as well as bid night!

My parents, while iffy due to possibly missing classes the first week of school, will only allow me to attend if I get a written and signed letter from my sisters saying its okay for me to miss then I would be able to go, but I'm nervous on asking.

(I've only been in the sorority for almost a year, having been a junior transfer student, and I'm nervous about missing something as big as recruitment. I've never missed an event before either.)

What should I do?

AZTheta · #2 06-26-2015, 06:56 PM

You need to take this up with your chapter. It may or may not be an excused absence. I couldn't tell you since I'm not in your chapter and don't know what your bylaws state.

Do know that recruitment is mandatory and that usually there are fines (sometimes hefty) for missing events.

Good luck to you!

ETA: I think this probably belongs in another forum.

KSUViolet06 · #3 06-27-2015, 12:40 AM

This is something you need to discuss with your chapter officers and/or advisor. Every chapter's attendance policy is different. Ex: My chapter used a point system and a night of recruitment missed would generally result in failure to make points for that month.

aephi alum · #4 06-30-2015, 01:18 AM

There's a lot for you to consider here.

- Your sorority membership is for life. Your relationship might not last nearly as long.
- This will be your only chance to attend preference and bid night from the sisters' side.
- No matter what you'd be doing on pref night, whether it would be convincing your rush crush that your sorority is the right place for her or working the desk or back room, your sisters need you. OTOH, you don't "need" to be at your boyfriend's ring ceremony, although I'm sure he'd appreciate it.
- How serious is your relationship with your boyfriend? Have you only been dating a short time, or are you "engaged to be engaged"? Do you look at his family and see potential in-laws?

Like AZTheta and KSUViolet said, there are often-severe consequences for missing recruitment. Check with your chapter officers, and weigh in the penalties for missing pref and bid night when you make your decision.

SoCalGirl · #5 06-30-2015, 09:35 PM

Ring ceremonies at USNA are a pretty big deal so I assume United States Merchant Marines Academy is the same.

This is a once in a lifetime event for him and generally the dates are a fiancé or extremely likely to become the fiancé.

My advice is to appeal to your chapter for an excused absence but make it clear that you'll pay whatever fine (or however they deal) for missing Pref and Bid Day.

Just my opinion.

ASTalumna06 · #6 06-30-2015, 10:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoCalGirl

Ring ceremonies at USNA are a pretty big deal so I assume United States Merchant Marines Academy is the same.

This is a once in a lifetime event for him and generally the dates are a fiancé or extremely likely to become the fiancé.

My advice is to appeal to your chapter for an excused absence but make it clear that you'll pay whatever fine (or however they deal) for missing Pref and Bid Day.

Just my opinion.

I went to the USNA ring dance years ago with a good friend, and while I love my sorority sisters, there's no way I would have missed that dance!

OP, I understand your chapter may have consequences for missing part of recruitment, but IMO, it would be worth it. To attend a dance like that is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

It was such an amazing event.

Just my $.02.

DeltaBetaBaby · #7 07-01-2015, 11:18 AM

Assuming your chapter excuses major family events, this should apply here, and you should go.

Sciencewoman · #8 07-01-2015, 07:41 PM

I also went to the USNA Ring Dance, and it is a really big deal. I'm assuming this is similar, and it's worth working it out with your sorority.

33girl · #9 07-01-2015, 09:42 PM

Am I the only one who googled USNA Ring Dance and now really wants to go to one?

thetalady · #10 07-02-2015, 12:54 AM

They have some really interesting traditions... Another Link In The Chain is a wonderful idea!!

Ring Traditions

HQWest · #11 07-02-2015, 10:09 AM

They do this at USMA as well.

http://www.westpointaog.org/page.aspx?pid=310

ilove2shop247 · #12 07-09-2015, 04:08 AM

Go to ring night!!

Nanners52674 · #13 07-09-2015, 09:58 AM

Go to ring night! It's an awesome event and really important to the cadets.

When Doves Cry · #14 07-09-2015, 02:29 PM

Your sorority & your sisters will all be there if you miss part of recruitment.
With or without you, recruitment will go on, you'll get new sisters, etc.
But the Ring Ceremony is a one-time thing! You should be there.

KillarneyRose · #15 07-17-2015, 11:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

Am I the only one who googled USNA Ring Dance and now really wants to go to one?

LOL, 33! When we were sponsoring some midshipmen early this century, I remember them being so excited about their Ring Dance and telling me what a huge deal it was. I turned to Mr. KillarneyRose and asked him, "Why didn't you take me to your Ring Dance????" and he sensibly answered, "Because I didn't know you then." I thought that was a pretty lame excuse!