Let's chit chat, ladies and gentlemen...

AKA2D '91 · #1 02-11-2002, 06:20 PM

Do you all believe in the saying "if you let it go and it returns, then it is meant to be or it's yours?"

I know that's not EXACTLY how the saying goes, but you should be able to get the jist of what I'm saying.

Have you all gone back to a relationship that you once were in?
Maybe it has been some years since you were in the relationship and maybe the both of you have "grown" or have "different lives" for the BETTER than before.

What are your thoughts? I especially would like to hear what my more "established" peeps, meaning those who are 30+ in age.

No offense youngsters!

tammy- · #2 02-11-2002, 08:43 PM

I have gone back to relationships in the past hoping that things would turn out differently and they did not. I found that unless one of us became different people the relationship would not work out.

I am happy to say that I am in the best relatiionship I have ever been in. I feel my guy is perfect for me. I don't have any complaints. We've had our share of drama but he is definately worth it. I guess when it gets down to it, you have to decide what you can put up with and what you can't..

I am at the point now that if my guy and I broke up for a few months I probably would not take him back because it would have to be something serious for that to happen...... Most of the time problems just don't go away and I will never be #2 to any other woman- I am wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy to good for that.

If its gone- then all I can say is BYE. I personally would not wait around for some guy to realize that he may still want to be with me.

What happens if he changes his mind again?

I'll just be SOL and quite PISSED!

AKA2D '91 · #3 02-12-2002, 02:02 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by tammy-
I am at the point now that if my guy and I broke up for a few months I probably would not take him back because it would have to be something serious for that to happen......

What if it has been a few years and not a few months?

shani · #4 02-12-2002, 07:49 AM

Well I'm still young but, I do believe that what's meant to be will in fact happen. My bases for this is my father and my stepmother. They have been together since their junior year in high school, right before my dad went to college he asked her to marry him, she accepted. While at college my dad ran into a wonderful and loving lady, MY MOTHER! Needless to say they ended up getting married and soon seperated. My father begun to date other women and I ended up with a little brother. Finally, my dad ended up with the same "high school sweetheart". I guess for her the third time around was the charm!!

tammy- · #5 02-12-2002, 12:33 PM

Good Point-

I don't know what I would do in that case. People can change and grow but-

I ran into one of my ex's a while back and I wanted to be friends but after talking to him on the phone one time I totally changed my mind. I found out he was as immature as he was back in high school. He had a girlfriend as was trying to get with me... I had to let him know and needless to say- I have not spoken to him again....

I'm sure he is probably the immature exception to others who may have grown..

It would have to be on an individual basis..

I know I would never take a guy back that left me for another woman and came back... I am too prideful...

bluz4 · #6 02-12-2002, 03:46 PM

four years ago, my now-boyfriend and i dated for like a month and then parted ways. after a year or so, i got mugged and he heard about it. he called to see how i was doing, and the rest is history. our relationship blossomed like i never thought it would. so i have to say that sometimes when you are with someone, its not the right time for you two to be together. and sometimes if you are lucky, you get another chance and you should take it. like we did.

in the same breath though, i have to say that sometimes if a relationship comes back, you have to give it another swift kick to make sure that it never comes back again. my ex has not changed even though we have stayed in touch. what didnt work for us then, still doesnt work. and he still is trying to cast blame and make me feel bad. so while we are still friends, we could really never get back together and i dont think i would want to.

skeeliteful · #7 02-12-2002, 05:33 PM

I believe that if someone comes back to me, it was meant to be.
If it ended on good terms (I don't like to hold grudges), and our paths happen to cross, then yes I'd give it a 2nd try. A good friend of mine and I tried to make a relationship work. But because we lived in different places, it was kind of hard. He's a really good friend. So, if we should ever be in the same place at the same time then...yeah I'd go for it in a heartbeat

BUT, I also believe in the saying "hurt me once, shame on you...hurt me twice, shame on me". Therefore, if we broke up on bad terms, then H!@$ no in no way will I go back to that person.
My exboyfriend that I dated for a 1 1/2 years sends me emails, calls my mom to see how I'm doing, etc to see if he still has a chance. We broke up 3 years ago because he cheated on me. Therefore, he doesn't have a chance

Professor · #8 02-12-2002, 05:46 PM

i hope you are sitting. several years ago i returned from vacation with my girlfriend and ran into my childhood "sweetheart." she looked so good . . . so good that i asked when could i see her. i went home to my live in girlfriend and told her that i had to go out with nicole and get my head together. she was pissed but i went anyway. i picked nicole up and all i could think about was how great she looked. after we left the movie i asked where she wanted to eat and she said shoney's. i knew right then and there that this was a mistake. shoney's is nicole's favorite restaurant. i dated nicole from 6th grade until my junior year in school. by my junior year we had nothing in common. we could not even hold a conversation. she was silly and lacked culture and class. even now, i remember buying her a dress to wear to a formal that cost me over $150.00 she returned the dress for the money and purchased something from k-mart.

while i think it is possible for people to change i also think that many of the things you dislike about someone you have dated can remain an issue. in my case, i wanted a woman with AKA standards and not the close minded home town girl afraid to enjoy life and it's pleasures.

The Original Ape · #9 02-12-2002, 06:06 PM

on what caused yall to part in the first place. If it's an unecessary habit on the part of your mate, and they simply wont stop it, hey. I can think of several behaviors that I wont tolerate; likewise, I can think of several reasons to take somebody back to-although I never have.

To answer your question, I can see that happening. If you did have a good thing with someone, but they weren't quite ready for a committment, you may find them to be the best mate for you once that time has come for them.

sphinxpoet · #10 02-12-2002, 06:06 PM

Well I am not 30+ but I have never had a second relationship......I think the reason I broke up with you is a good enough reason not to get back.....I know that is hard headed but it has kept me from second heartbreak up to this point!

AKA2D '91 · #11 02-12-2002, 06:16 PM

I got this topic from that male talk show "The Other Half". One of the hosts said that there was a reason they broke up, which would not allow him to go back.

However, another host said that, people change and one should not be against trying again.

bluz4 · #12 02-12-2002, 06:24 PM

i think that others have said already, it depends on why the two broke up. sometimes people get together, and its not the right time, ex. long distance, trying to get their lives in order, etc. so they are forced to break up and go their separate ways.

but i think if the breakup was due to lying, cheating or other issues, it can be hard to get back together and try again. some people think that once a cheater, always a cheater. and some people dont change or ever grow up.

The Original Ape · #13 02-12-2002, 06:44 PM

I think cheating is one of the worst things that can happen to a relationship. I also think that THE WAY that cheating is made known to you is just as important. If a person cheats, tells the truth about it, and asks you to forgive; I don't think you should be so quick to can 'em-ESPECIALLY if they've been honest and good to you up to that point. I know it sounds like a fairy tale; but you betta make sure you're right about that person BEFORE you get rid of 'em, or you may regret it. Some of yall know what I'm talkin' about; and yall know I'm right.

AKA2D '91 · #14 02-12-2002, 06:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by The Original Ape
I know it sounds like a fairy tale;

Quote:

but you betta make sure you're right about that person

please explain a little more for me.

The Original Ape · #15 02-12-2002, 08:04 PM

Like everybody else at work, my time is limited; but I'm gon try to explain this.

Every now and then, we meet somebody that seems just right for us. They like the things we like; and dislike the things we do too. They are unselfish and prefer to compromise instead of forcing their way. They share everthing with us without thought. When problems come up, they talk it out completely because they care about how we feel.

Well ocassionally they go out with their friends; and it's all good. But one day, they go out and something's not the same; they stay out longer and come back all nervous and quick with explanations and shyt. We wonder what's up; then hear the next day from a reliable source that our SO was seen with so-and-so at a party that ended up wild as phuck.

This person has been the absolute best one for us; and we've now invested alot of time and feelings into them. THEY(our significant other) tell us the rumor is true; and that it happened cause they got too high. What do we do? Do we let 'em go? Or do we forgive 'em? They knew the risk of tellin' us the truth; yet they did anyway. They way they told us seems sincere and apologetic; and while contemplating what to do, all we can think of is this is the first and only test our relationship has had. Is the pain of what they did greater than the happiness they've brought us?

I hope that does it.