Do They Woo?

[sistarisin]

Whatever happened to that age-old term of 'woo-ing' or for that matter 'courting'? Do men do that anymore? Is that out of date - old fashioned?

I live in the Washington DC area and it seems to me a preponderance of eligible black men 'HERE' have absolutely no clue what that means. The last known statistic I am aware of is 13 women for every 1 man. It has been my experience that men here are spoiled and feel that they really don't have to lift a finger to pursue a female.

So.... I'm curious, what's it like in your area? I keep tellin my girlfriends that I am in the wrong dayum town and I need to move to an area where i can be 'preciated! Where are those brothas that respectfully approach you, introduce themselves, and proceed to woo you?

[blueberi1920]

sistarisin, I agree with you , I'm in DC as well and I suffer from rude men. I mean do they really think that I'm interested in how they could tear me up , before I even know their names??
And then for the few men, who actually slip past the worthless fool radar, they expect someone to jump in bed with them or start worshipping them just because you saw a movie and ate at Fridays
I've heard better reports from ther parts of the world, so I know they still WOO.

[FuturePhD]

Maybe it's different down south? I was born and raised in TN and while we have our inconsiderate men, it is expected that a man treats any woman he dates like a lady. I was past 20, home for a break from college, and any guy who came to take me out had to come in and chat with my father, guys couldn't call after a certain hour, and if you ever honked your horn from my drive way, you wouldn't be seeing me that night. Sistarisin, it also depends on where you meet men, going to a club or something, I fully expect a man to do that "hey baby, what yo name is", because that is what gets attention in those types of places, he doesn't have to do much else because there is always a female who will respond to that. But if you are in church, a museum or something, guys normally know how to approach you....

[c&c1913]

I'm in Texas and we have problems here too. I agree with Sistarisin, it can depend on where you are. I went to this party Saturday night and while there were plenty of attractive brothers, some kicked their pitiful game.

I do think that some black men fill that they are a catch and don't have to be a gentlemen because "she's hard up and will take anything I dish out." Sadly, some women do, but not I. I refuse to settle for less and just wait patiently.

[ClassyLady]

Ladies, I know exactly what you mean. Nowadays some men are just rude.

I was waiting for the bus one day and every man who stopped at the light at that corner tried to talk to me. Some of them were easily fifteen years older than me. One guy actually honked his horn from across the street and told me to get in his car because he can "take me wherever I need to go." Did he actually expect me to come skipping across the street and get into his car with him when I don't know him from a can of paint? My mommy taught me not to ride with strangers.

Anyway, I'm through venting, back to the point, I don't think that there's a certain city where the good men are. There's an even spread across the country. The problem is that there aren't many of them so they're spread out pretty thinly. It's like looking for a needle in a haystack.

FuturePhD, I think that all of the mothers of the men in your town need to be commended. Today, people aren't raising their kids to know how to respect others and themselves. If they did, we wouldn't have these problems. If men were taught to respect women, they wouldn't approach us in that manner. And, if women were taught to respect themselves, they wouldn't dare accept anything less than the best, thus making the inconsiderate men change their tune even if they weren't taught the right thing.

[#1 Leading Lady]

Originally posted by FuturePhD
Maybe it's different down south? I was born and raised in TN and while we have our inconsiderate men, it is expected that a man treats any woman he dates like a lady. I was past 20, home for a break from college, and any guy who came to take me out had to come in and chat with my father, guys couldn't call after a certain hour, and if you ever honked your horn from my drive way, you wouldn't be seeing me that night. Sistarisin, it also depends on where you meet men, going to a club or something, I fully expect a man to do that "hey baby, what yo name is", because that is what gets attention in those types of places, he doesn't have to do much else because there is always a female who will respond to that. But if you are in church, a museum or something, guys normally know how to approach you....

FuturePhD,

I agree if you honked a horn at our house..betta believe you weren't going no where with that "negro" for real.

Another thing to mention in my opinion....a man will approach you with the same attitude or look you put out there. If you dressed like a two dollar skank from a Luke video then he is going to approach you like the two dollar skank you are appearing to be so...No offense intended those who choose to dress this way...

If you dressed up in your I going meet a respectful. working, christian man DKNY pants suit with the matching accessories you going to meet that man who is aspiring the same pleasures as you and similar goals.

But don't expect to meet the lawyer, doctor, stockbroker with ghetto tendacies with your first impression because first impressions are important. Sometimes females are quick to size up a man but they forget to size up themselves before they leave home. Are your teeth str*? Are you shoes two seconds from your toe hanging out? How is you hygiene? Do you have a job? Do you have 6 kids with 7 baby daddies? Men are like us ladies they want the cream of the crop.

So remember two things....

The ideal place not to meet your man in the Club...I think the air in the atmosphere kills their brain cells.

Make sure you got yourself in ORDER because your body language speaks alot even if you don't.

But to answer the question since I kinda got off point.. Wooing is still around becaused I got Woo'ed off my feet.

[sistarisin]

At about 1am this morning, I awoke to my own mental attack on the decisions I've been making about menz... For some reason, I think in analogies and began to think about the types of brothas that I've been selecting. I typed it up this morning and sent it as an e-mail to all my sistafriends. Tell me what ya think:

Food for Thought…

I beseech all of my sisterfriends to be more discerning about the types of meals that we choose to consume. I think that if we were more careful about the types of food we eat we’d probably make wiser decisions when it comes to choosing a mate.

Imagine your life if you had a daily consumption of the following types of meals:

BOX OF CHOCOLATES

Deep dark chocolate with creamy nougat center…
(THE MARRIED BROTHA or the I LIVE WITH SOMEBODY BROTHA)
(1) You feel completely sinful for indulging but you cannot resist it.
(2) You also know that once you eat it your craving will be temporarily filled and you will get a

• nice sugar rush (orgasmic ecstasy); however, these are just
• empty calories (lies) and you will eventually
• crash from the sugar high (turning to depression and perhaps stalking)

(3)Unfortunately if you continue to indulge you’ll have further side effects of

• cavities (sexually transmitted diseases)
• acne (stress, worry, and extreme damage to your self esteem)

Milk chocolate filled with something you’re not sure of… (Could it be nuts?)
(THE DOWN LOW BROTHA)

You ever bite into a piece of chocolate and it looks good on the outside yet you have no idea of what the inside will taste like?

You could either get a nice creamy sensation or something completely nasty, making you want to gag!

Be careful with this piece, it’s really intended for other like-minded brothas. It’s a mystery as to how it got in your box in the first place!

FAST FOOD:

(EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE BROTHAS)

• Usually we choose these types of meals because they’re quick and easy.
• You get served up quick, the food (sex) is really off the chain cuz it’s geared to satisfy your food (sex) cravings but it isn’t made to really deal with all the other requirements of a balanced home cooked meal.
• A constant diet of fast food will keep you fulfilled on the surface but it’s truly wreaking havoc on your body. The side-effects are:

(1)High Blood Pressure (emotional instability) due to the intake of excessive saturated fat (your feelings aren’t being honored)
(2)Tremendous weight gain (receiving his baggage) from settling for a bull-shit meal (the game he’s constantly running)

THE FINER DINING ESTABLISHMENT

(LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP BROTHAS)

• Breathe a lil gurl, cuz you’ve almost arrived. A meal from this restaurant is definitely fulfilling. You are wined, dined and served the most delectable cuisine almost to your specifications. Here, you will receive a balanced meal (somewhat satisfyingly mature relationship)
• Realistically, how many of us can continuously dine out (exist in a 10 year commitment-less relationship). How long can you afford it?

Here’s the downside:
(1) Although you are receiving your meal (relationship) to your exacting tastes, you are still not the creator.
(2) You can basically order anything on the menu. But, lo and behold if they run out, it’s not in season, or it’s simply no longer served- you are short! (You have settled for an arrangement that may satisfy you on the surface; yet, you have no binding commitment to its continued existence.)
(3) You cannot unbutton your pants (be who you truly are), remove your shoes (stretch out in your space), or belch comfortably (release all of your worries and frustrations) because you are not in your own space.
(4) How much will it cost you to dine in a fine dining establishment for all of your meals? Can you afford it? Will you sometimes substitute it for a piece of chocolate or some fast food?


THE HOME COOKED MEAL

(THE 100% LOVINGLY COMMITTED BROTHAS)

• Exhale sista, you’ve decided on the right meal.
• Initially, you will have to do a lot of work selecting all the right ingredients (Christ centered, respectful, gentlemanly, romantically inclined, awe inspiring, and full of love for you) and you may have to throw in a couple of ingredients that you don’t like (some negative characteristics—Hey no one’s perfect) but this meal is worth it.
• Once you are ready to prepare it, you’ll still have to slave over the stove with it (the constant work that goes into any relationship) but the beauty is in the satisfying results:

(1) You have not settled for an empty piece of chocolate that tastes good but leaves you unfulfilled.
(2) You are not engorged with unhealthy bi-product (baggage) found in the fast food restaurant.
(3) You have lovingly chosen each and every ingredient when prepared together will provide you with sustenance, fullness, and pure enjoyment.
(4) The best part of this home cooked meal is the fact that you’re the creator, you have the right ingredients (the loving brotha) and you own the recipe to your heart. You did not settle for the bullshit!