I think im in the wrong house

[greekgirl2013]

Im very shy at first so during rush I got cut from a lot of houses that I thought (and still think) were right for me. I joined a house that I did not love because greek life is really big at my school (southern school) and I wanted to be in a house so badly. We had fall rush so I've been in the house all year. Im not close with any of the girls in my pledge class. Its not that I dont want to be close with them, we just dont click and my PC is very cliquy. I thought about dropping many times this year but kept forcing myself to give it another chance. Now, I have to live in next year and Im really nervous that im going to be miserable living in. Older girls in my house and that im friends with in other houses say that it will get better living in but im really scared that Im going to hate living in and Im just gonna be stuck for the whole year. Did anyone else feel like they did not fit in after their first year? Did you end up having a good experience? Does anyone have advice about making next year good? I really want to like the house im in. Thanks

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by greekgirl2013

Im very shy at first so during rush I got cut from a lot of houses that I thought (and still think) were right for me. I joined a house that I did not love because greek life is really big at my school (southern school) and I wanted to be in a house so badly. We had fall rush so I've been in the house all year. Im not close with any of the girls in my pledge class. Its not that I dont want to be close with them, we just dont click and my PC is very cliquy. I thought about dropping many times this year but kept forcing myself to give it another chance. Now, I have to live in next year and Im really nervous that im going to be miserable living in. Older girls in my house and that im friends with in other houses say that it will get better living in but im really scared that Im going to hate living in and Im just gonna be stuck for the whole year. Did anyone else feel like they did not fit in after their first year? Did you end up having a good experience? Does anyone have advice about making next year good? I really want to like the house im in. Thanks

Good thread for you to read:

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=112091

[GammaPhi88]

I'm pretty sure this has been said a million times before, but just realize that like ANY friendship, nothing is instant and it will take time. Reach out to individual sisters, go out for lunch, ect...it will come. Living in the house will help; I lived in my own house for the first time this year and I've gotten much closer with girls I never thought I have anything in common with.

I'd like to add that when you get back, get involved and stay involved. Join a committee for homecoming or something, go and be positive and fun while there...these activities will help you bond with your sisters. I got to be really close with one of my best friends by helping with out faculty tea, for example, so give it a shot and most importantly, keep giving it a shot. This too will take time.

I'd also like to add that you don't want to bring up the fact that you still think you belong in another sorority. For all I know you could have thrived there but you are a sister in this house and you will never be a member of one of these other houses. I know of girls in houses that, years later, are that girl that other members refer to as "the one who really wanted XYZ or whatever" and are consequently not very close with their chapter. Along those lines, go into it with a positive attitude. If you are convinced you're going to hate it, you likely will.

[RU OX Alum]

Nevermind. It's not PC

[violetpretty]

I lived in my chapter house for 3 years because I loved it so much. Living in the house makes going to events so much easier, because all you have to do is go downstairs! Since you said your school is southern and greek life is big, I'm assuming chapter size is also big. You will probably get to connect with sisters you haven't connected with before, because you'll really be diving into the chapter activities.

Remember that before you graduate, there will be 3 more pledge classes of women to come after you! Who says you're only allowed to be friends with your pledge class? I wasn't really close with my pledge class, but I was close with my family. Maybe you'll be really tight with your little and the rest of your family, but you haven't met them yet!

Run for a position with your chapter if there are things you don't like. Or, perhaps you'd be interested in a Panhellenic position and get to work with women from all chapters on your campus.

If you have the funds, go to Convention and/or regional meetings. This will make you appreciate your sorority on a National level and you will learn so much!

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

I lived in my chapter house for 3 years because I loved it so much. Living in the house makes going to events so much easier, because all you have to do is go downstairs! Since you said your school is southern and greek life is big, I'm assuming chapter size is also big. You will probably get to connect with sisters you haven't connected with before, because you'll really be diving into the chapter activities.

Remember that before you graduate, there will be 3 more pledge classes of women to come after you! Who says you're only allowed to be friends with your pledge class? I wasn't really close with my pledge class, but I was close with my family. Maybe you'll be really tight with your little and the rest of your family, but you haven't met them yet!

Run for a position with your chapter if there are things you don't like. Or, perhaps you'd be interested in a Panhellenic position and get to work with women from all chapters on your campus.

If you have the funds, go to Convention and/or regional meetings. This will make you appreciate your sorority on a National level and you will learn so much!

This! Really give yourself a chance to love it. What do you have to lose?

[twinkle555]

Living in the house is what brought me so much closer to my sisters( I moved in the semester after I was initiated)...trust me its a good thing!

[Hoosierxgirl]

I kind of went through the same thing except our recruitment is deferred so I only knew the girls in my house for a semester. I think the dynamics changed for me during our first recruitment on the other side and also when I was elected to a position in the house. There will always be cliques, even in college, and I'm one of those people who likes to float and have friends in many different groups which makes it hard to establish one core group of friends. Both recruitment and leadership really helped me to interact with people in different situations and people began to see me as less quiet and reserved. I became more confident in my interactions with people which led to friendships. Give it time...a lot of people don't just magically click and live happily ever after. But once you finally find your niche, it's awesome! The friends I've made in college will be my friends for life and are much stronger friendships than I had in high school.

[33girl]

It will get MUCH better living in. Also vp is right - there is a pledge class coming in after you and maybe that "sorority soul mate" will be in that class.

Also, if you haven't, get involved in other activities outside of the sorority (as much as you feel you can without interfering with your classes). Making friends outside the sorority will give you a feeling of something to fall back on - and most likely you will feel less anxious about "clicking" with your sisters. Once you feel less anxious about something, it's usually more apt to happen. If you can get on a sorority committee, try to make it something where you can interact with people from other groups, like Greek Week or Homecoming.

[KSUViolet06]

I think it is often perpetuated that your best friends within the sorority will be your NM class.

That's definitely not the case for everyone. I came in with a smaller spring class and while I liked them and we still keep in touch, we weren't BFFs.

Honestly, my best friends within the sorority ended up being the girls in lived-in with, and those were girls who were in my roommate's NM class. My Little Sis (who joined quite a bit after I did) is also one of my closest friends.

So your best friends aren't always going to be in your class. They could be older or younger than you!

[ForeverRoses]

You said you were really shy, which might be why you have had trouble bonding with members of your new member class. When you live with them, it might help you open up and become friends with them.

they might seem really cliquey now, but you might discover that they are open to making new friends. Just make sure when you do live in the house, that you don't spend all your time holed up in your room. Spend time in the living room/parlor/tv room or whatever you call it.

And don't skip the fun stuff- so if there is a tv viewing night when most of the women watch a certain show- go hang out and watch it too- even if it's not your favorite.

I lived in one year and the next year rented a house with two GDI friends. After a year of knowing everything that was going on, I felt really out of the loop the next year- and missed the craziness of the house.

[honeychile]

greekgirl2013, the one mistake I made when I pledged was that almost all of my better friends were Seniors. I came back for my sophmore year and felt lost - for a month or two. I loved ADPi, and didn't want to leave, so I made a conscious decision to do something with a different sister every day. Obviously, I wasn't the only one, because someone set up a puzzle in the one corner, and various sisters worked on that. Others started taking a walk after dinner with me (in an attempt to lose that freshman fifteen), and we also played Scrabble or Pinochle every night. I also made sure that I went to the library with a sister, shopping, watched tv - as long as it was no more than 3 people, the better. I got to know my sisters much better, and found myself doing somewhat the same things until I graduated.

Yes, there will be times when you really do need to be alone, but by living in the house (suite, or whatever), and working AND having fun with your sisters, you're going to develop a new feeling towards them. You will never have the deep warm fuzzies for all of your sisters, but you'll learn an important factor of life - how to get along with anyone, even under pressure.

Good luck to you. If you need a shoulder to cry on, I'm sure that there are a lot of people who would happily let you vent - if you're willing to try. Nobody can do that part for you.


ETA: Don't ever forget that there are women in EVERY sorority who are having the same doubts - you're not alone!

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by ForeverRoses

And don't skip the fun stuff- so if there is a tv viewing night when most of the women watch a certain show- go hang out and watch it too- even if it's not your favorite.

Yep. I don't really like Grey's Anatomy but I would watch it in the TV room with everyone sometimes, just to hang out with them.

[FSUZeta]

Originally Posted by honeychile

greekgirl2013, the one mistake I made when I pledged was that almost all of my better friends were Seniors. I came back for my sophmore year and felt lost - for a month or two. I loved ADPi, and didn't want to leave, so I made a conscious decision to do something with a different sister every day. Obviously, I wasn't the only one, because someone set up a puzzle in the one corner, and various sisters worked on that. Others started taking a walk after dinner with me (in an attempt to lose that freshman fifteen), and we also played Scrabble or Pinochle every night. I also made sure that I went to the library with a sister, shopping, watched tv - as long as it was no more than 3 people, the better. I got to know my sisters much better, and found myself doing somewhat the same things until I graduated.

Yes, there will be times when you really do need to be alone, but by living in the house (suite, or whatever), and working AND having fun with your sisters, you're going to develop a new feeling towards them. You will never have the deep warm fuzzies for all of your sisters, but you'll learn an important factor of life - how to get along with anyone, even under pressure.

Good luck to you. If you need a shoulder to cry on, I'm sure that there are a lot of people who would happily let you vent - if you're willing to try. Nobody can do that part for you.


ETA: Don't ever forget that there are women in EVERY sorority who are having the same doubts - you're not alone!

i too bonded with the seniors when i was a new member, however, i lived in the house for 3 years and i absolutely loved it. i remember everyone piling in the "lanai"(our tv room) to watch the wizard of oz, sharing a pizza with 7 other girls-came out to a dollar a girl-and long talks when i should have been studying. give it a try-i hope that you have as much fun as i did!

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

i too bonded with the seniors when i was a new member, however, i lived in the house for 3 years and i absolutely loved it. i remember everyone piling in the "lanai"(our tv room) to watch the wizard of oz, sharing a pizza with 7 other girls-came out to a dollar a girl-and long talks when i should have been studying. give it a try-i hope that you have as much fun as i did!

We always said that if the kitchen table could talk, we'd be bribing her to keep quiet and not write "tell all" books about all of us.