Quote:
Originally posted by cashmoney
I'd just like to point out one important fact here....
All these people saying "get your son tested" are all females who obviously never were a little boy in the 1st grade who had these problems. Its kind of funny how the two guys here telling you what you ought to do, who have been through this stuff personally, are the only ones telling you not to do it and rather spend more time with him yourself along with your husband and fix the actual problem.
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OK. Here's another guy, with a son, who says stop making completely baseless assumptions about whether Wendi and her husband are spending enough time to "actually fix the problem."
Wendi says that her son does very well socially and in math, but has trouble reading, especially recognizing sight words. Saying that testing might be called for in no way suggests that he's retarded or has ADHD,nor does it suggest that she and her husband aren't doing all they can. It does, however, recognize that there just might be a reading disability at the root of his reading problems. All the "time with him yourself along with your husband" to "fix the actual problem" in the world will be a waste of time if someone doesn't have an accurate read on what the "problem" actually is. That's all anybody who has suggested testing is trying to say, you can't fix the problem if you don't know what it is.
Of course, you are right is that the first course is to talk to the kid to really try to understand what's going on with him. Just don't assume that Wendi and her husband haven't been doing a lot of that.
I can tell you from experience that parents can invest a great deal of time talking with their kids and working on the problem, but it goes a lot better if you know what the problem is, and sometimes you need professional assistance to figure that out.
Yes, some doctors/professionals are always going to diagnose something -- that's why parents have to be careful whom they seek help from and always remember that they know their child better than anyone. But I also know from experience that sometimes the professional help is needed to help school personnel understand what your child's specific challenges are and how to work with them. Sometimes teachers form their own opinions and make their own "diagnoses" and it takes the professional (who may be the school counselor) to say, "no, that's not what's going on here."
I will agree, again from my own experience, that women often really do not understand how a boy's mind and interior life work. There are a few books that I think can be very helpful on this front:
Raising Cain : Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys
and
Speaking of Boys : Answers to the Most-Asked Questions About Raising Sons.
Parenting isn't easy, and everybody is more than willing to tell you how to do it and what you're doing wrong. And no offense, Craig and Rudey, but most parents I know basically pay little attention to the advice of people without kids unless the advisor also has special skills or knowledge that gives credibility. Otherwise, no kids = no credibility. May not be fair, but that's how it tends to work.
Wendi -- the best advice I have is
(1) Hang in there;
(2) Remember that you and Dad know your son better than anyone else;
(3) Set up a meeting with the teacher, principal, the reading resource person and the school counselor as soon as possible to talk about your son's reading. Explore options -- some schools set up "teams" or teachers from a variety of disciplines that look at a child's particular challenges and try to help the teacher and parents come up with strategies that work for that kid; and
(4) Don't let anyone tell your son that there is something "wrong" with him. If I had to guess, I would guess that's why you didn't see the note for a while -- embarrassment.
Good luck, and let us know how it goes. In case you can't tell, this one hits close to home for me, so feel free to PM if you like.