[AlphaSigOU]

FUNNY FACTS ABOUT DALLAS -- Life in America's eighth largest city

1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS depending on if you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Dallas has its own version of traffic rules ... Hold on and pray. There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas. We all drive like that.

3. All directions start with, "Get on Beltline…” which has no beginning and no end.

4. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going, to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

6. Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We have had so much fun with that, that we have added George Bush Freeway (AKA 190) and Jupiter Road to the mix.

7. All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Fort Worth!"

8. If someone actually has his or her "turn signal" on, it's probably a factory defect.

9. All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way.

10. Inwood Road, Plano Road, NW Highway, East Grand, Marsh Lane, 15th Street, Preston Road... all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections. (These are only a FEW examples) The perfect example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road. On the south end it is known as Lake Highlands, cross NW Hwy and it becomes Plano Rd, go about 8 miles and it's briefly Greenville Ave, Ave K, and Highway 5.

11. If asking directions in Irving or S. E. Dallas, you must have knowledge of Spanish. If in central Richardson, Chinese will be your best bet.

12. A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75. The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Road is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

13. The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff isn't ornamental.

14. It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST NORTHWEST highway. Don't let this confuse you.

15. The North Dallas Tollway is our daily version of NASCAR.

16. LBJ is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."

17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.

18. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Stock Show is going on.

19. If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Byron Nelson Golf Classic is in the second round if it is spring, and if it is the Texas State Fair, then it is fall.

20. Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, racetracks, airports, etc., are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.

21. If you need to ask for directions, get ALL the names of the street you are being told to turn onto ... we intermix numbers, letters, and names for the same roads.

22. If your Mapsco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one.

Dallas Life, What a Joy!