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I'm with Soror AKA_Monet on this one.
I don't have Soror AKA_Monet's insight to your work situation, but based on general office politics, I don't think you can turn this one down.
If I had to guess, she invited you for the same reason you have to say yes. It would reflect poorly upon her if she invited everyone except you (especially since you say the number of employees in your office is small...and especially since you are the only black employee...she doesn't want to be viewed as exclusionary or even racist). It would reflect poorly upon you if everyone was invited and everyone except you attended. Yes, it is your personal time, and you should not have to grin and bear her for 2-3 hours...I know, I know, it shouldn't be that way - but I would advise going with Soror AKA_Monet's advice and smile while you are aware that you aren't letting her get the best of you (although it will feel like she is winning because you are giving up your personal time for her).
You definitely have to participate in the shower. It is at work. It would not be cool to not participate in the planning and not to attend. Recognizing major life events at the office is the norm. I'm sure the Team Player definition in your job description does not include these type of activities, but from my experience it is one of those unwritten rules.
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