XOMichelle - I totally agree with you! But I don't agree traditional dates are the answer - I just said that I would place more value on clear communication:
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Also, dating has the added bonus of clear communication: you know that a boy who will take time out of his day to go get coffee with you is into you because he’s taken the time out of his day to do so when you asked, or asked you to coffee himself.
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Exactly - we're on the same page in our value of communication: Why not just verbalize I like you why don't we spend time together? And then do it. And then have the guy act like he likes you - he follows through on his verbalization of his wants, using his brain and his heart.
Personally, I never feel relaxed on a traditional date - always, always one on one with a guy, I feel the need to perform. I will be funny and charming and then at the end of the date I think who in the world was sitting at that dinner table? I usually wind up not communicating constructively about myself, I am trying to be as vivacous as possible. If I sit and talk to a guy laying down on my bed, or watch a movie at his house, I am immediately more relaxed. The pressure is off of me, I can let the movie perform and be myself, making stupid comments and laughing.
I am probably a product of this new hooking up culture.
Whether its chilling in a room or at the nicest restaurant in town, if the guy takes time out to be with you alone or is with a pack of friends, its shouldn't matter. Even if this ****wit of a guy took the lovely Miss WVUAlphiPhi out to dinner, he would still show up to her room maybe-not-totally trashed and being treating her badly. Its reading between lines - in whatever dating model the works for you - to realize how the guy (or girl, whatever people) is communicating with you. Thats what I meant by setting standards, not creating limits or rules - don't limit yourself to only dating one guy who follows certain 'rules.' He still might be a really big jerk. If he can't use his brain in trying to spend quality time with you in however you feel most comfortable, then, whether its 1963 or 2005, he's probably not worth your time.
So XOMichelle, I agree with you mainly but I take a different route in getting there. And slowly but surely I am moving toward real dating but I still get hives thinking about dinner at a restaurant. Its a baby step process.