Quote:
Originally posted by dphies00
If you need a guy to be formal and spend money to make him realize that you need more than just sex, you are a communicator that needs to better focus on clear meaning. And I realize that you're using 'real' dates that cost money as an example, not rules that you live and die by, XO. If you're setting limits, and not standards, its not fair to either party. And limits and rules are the bulding blocks of emotional games, not actual relationships. It should be easy to connect emotionally- on both sides of the coin. If its not, then he's not the guy for you.
And I feel like this somehow applies...
then he's just not that into you
|
How did you get from "go on real dates with boys" to "XOMichelle, you are a poor communicator that sets limits which will not end in a meaningful relationship?" I am not those things, have had many a meaningful relationships, so the jump from one to the other is a rather large jump in my opinion.
I find that too many women these days (esp ones in college!) just hook up or hang out with boys, and they feel caught in the middle because they don't know where they stand (much like the woman who started this thread). One way to know where you stand is to actually have a courtship and date someone. It doesn't compromise your relationship-- it simply gives you something to do! You get to go do fun things with people you find interesting (unless the date flops, in which case you get hilarious stories).
For example, you like boy Y. Just hanging out would be going to his room to play X Box and then making out. Going on a real date would be you asking him if he wants to go to the basketball game with you on Thursday. You can still make out and it doesn’t have to cost money, but at the end one of you has to ask the other if you want to see each other again. If either party isn't that into the other, you don't call back and it's over. Pretty simple-- it's a first date! And, it's nice to have an activity planned so one doesn't get bored. Clearly this isn't the way all relationships start nor does it go on for the whole relationship-- I think it's a good, easy way to start out. Also, dating has the added bonus of clear communication: you know that a boy who will take time out of his day to go get coffee with you is into you because he’s taken the time out of his day to do so when you asked, or asked you to coffee himself.
Although I’ve been out of school for a little bit (and people do more “traditional dating” outside of school), I never once had a vague “mixed signals” situation like the one in this thread in college or since. I think that is one of the reasons I was able to avoid the weird “we hook up but don’t date” relationships in school – because I would always ask to go on dates. If I liked a boy that I met or knew, I’d ask him out (and pay for it if I did the asking). It’s not that hard either- you go out with someone you like and have a good time ;-)
ETA: another plug for dating: you can "just date" without being a boyfriend or girlfriend or
anything. And you can date multiple people at the same time. It's freedom without uncertainty, definition without constraint. It can be anything you want it to be and it has a name. What can be better?