OK, I so have three stories. <blushing>
Great thread btw.
The first two were things that happened at work, the last one was at home.
1) It was about a year into lifeguarding and my sister and brotherin-law were visiting me at the waterpark while I was on break, by one of the pools I had been guarding that day. So we were sitting by the pool and I’m thinking I’m some stuff, in my lifeguard outfit, with the shades, people all talking to me and stuff. This little kid comes up to me complaining that this older kid is dunking him. So plow my whistle, and admonish the big kid to knock off the dunking. I go back to chatting with my sister and stuff. A few minutes later another kid comes up and she complains the same thing about the same older kid. So I get onto him again, and tell him that if I catch him doing it again, he’ll get a time out (I hate when I have to parent). So you know, a few minutes later another kid is up complaining about the older kid, I’m like, ‘That’s it.” Blow the whistle, and start lecturing the kid about not following my rules. I give him the time out and tell him to go sit down and he looks at me and goes “oh yeah,” yanks my whistle off my neck, throws it in the pool, and says, “go get it.” AND PUSHED ME IN THE WATER, in front of God and everyone. The entire waterpark was laughing, because I made a big deal about disciplining this kid. My sister and brother and law are ROLLING by this time. The kid takes off through the waterpark and into the rest of the theme park and disappears into the crowd of 30,000 park guests. UGGHHHHHHH!!!
2) OK, We are issued the lifeguard uniforms, and they are real picky about the way we look in them. The girls wear a red swimsuit and red nylon shorts over them. The guys have to wear the red shorts and the tank top. Well, the webbing inside of the brand of shorts we wear is about 10 sizes too big for the shorts, so all the guards cut them out. The girls cut them out because it is too cumbersome to have the webbing (swimsuit underwear part) and the swimsuit and the guys cut it out because it rubs on your groin. Anyway, the guys all wear boxers under their shorts. And last year they were short shorts. (I am praying we don’t have them again this year – cool for the tan factor, bad for the dork factor) So you gotta have shorter boxers under there. Not a problem, I had about 6 pairs that were pretty short. I most usually worked slides or wave pool and you stand for those positions. Rarely would I work pools (non-wave) because I am a senior guard and am deep water certified. But would have to on occasion if we were short staffed. So one day I am working a pool and am on stand, sitting in the chair (about 5 feet in the air), chilling. This lady comes up to me and asks me where the restrooms are. I point them out, but shes all weird about it, nervous almost. I am like whatever. About 5 other people come up asking for direction or questions, and I help them all. But everyone was laughing and stuff. Well It turns out I was giving directions allright, just not with my hands. Yep. Mr. Peepers was getting some sun too. I felt like SUCH a pedophile. The worst part is that as these people would ask me questions they were like 18 inches from my toolbox. AND I got a BAD sunburn on Mr. Winky. I did however get the lifeguard of the week for that stunt.
This one is gross.
3) I was a senior in high school and it was a Saturday morning. I was yearbook editor and was on my way to school for a deadline workday. It was real crazy around our house that morning. My mom was doing a lot of things and having the carpets cleaned (we had just had a new dog that we couldn’t housetrain for ANYTHING and would pee and crap all over this area of the carpet,). So before I left I asked the carpet cleaning guy what the stuff they got out of the carpet looked like. He described it as pretty gross. Anyway, my mom and I left for work and school and the carpet guys did their thing as did some contractors that were there. About 5 pm we all returned home, and the workers had left for the day. I am sitting at the kitchen table talking to my mom about my day as she is cooking dinner. I was really dehydrated, so I went to take a sip of my mothers iced tea that was on the table. The ice had melted, but I’m not real big on ice anyway. So I take a big ole gulp…. and it wasn’t iced tea. It was the sludge and piss and crap and soap and dirt that had come out of the carpet. The cleaning guy had remembered our conversation, got a plastic cup and saved some of the runoff. HOWEVER HE DIDN’T PUT A NOTE OR ANYHTING BY IT. I SO knew IMMEDIATELY what it was, and ran to the bathroom, made myself throw up and swished about a bottle each of hydrogen peroxide and mouthwash. Sooooo nasty. And you know my sisters tease me to this day about it. I cant slam them without the “well at least I didn’t drink a glassful of dog piss,” response. Ima nevver gonna live that one down. Geez.
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