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This Week In The Stars
Aries (March 21–April 19): Appearances can be deceiving. It turns out that the svelte Sharon Osbourne has had a long-term struggle with bulimia. And fashionista Paris Hilton has a size eleven foot. With a Venus opposition making you more aware of life’s ironies, it’s time to get clear about your personal values. Who are you going to emulate, the celebrities whose definition of “life-time commitment” maxes out at about seven years, á la Brad and Jennifer? Or will you stick the landing and agree to do some hard work?
Taurus (April 20-May 20) Jude Law and Sienna Miller are now engaged to be married, and so are supermodel Heidi Klum and Grammy nominee Seal. There’s something in the air, and you could catch those contagiously cuddly vibes. Venus is working you into a frisky frenzy. You’re crushin’ on a new schoolmate. Or you’re dying to get to know that hunky delivery boy who brings you your bagel every morning. “I’d like mine without garlic!” you’ll giggle, batting your eyelashes. The planets are encouraging you to sample sensual pleasures.
Gemini: (May 21-June 21): Martha Stewart and her jailbird pals lost out to an opposing team in a holiday decorating competition. Apparently, the paper cranes she created weren’t popular with the judges. This week, somebody could give you the bird, too. A Jupiter square might prevent others from recognizing your incredible genius and burgeoning talent. Your boss will frown upon that new screensaver you created by pasting together photos from the office Christmas party. (Personally, you think that the lampshade looked good on him.) Get used to offering apologies.
Cancer (June 22-July 22): Mercury and Venus are preparing to do a two-step opposite your sign, convincing you that you are the victim of a witch’s curse. Lucy Liu and playwright boyfriend Zach Helm have broken up and, like them, you’re wondering what the heck happened. Things aren’t quite working out the way you had planned. To minimize any discomfort, try to roll with the punches. Change is in the wind, and it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Once you get used to having your brains rearranged, you’ll feel just fine.
Leo (July 23-August 22): The full moon in your sign has you more emotional than Michael Moore accepting the People’s Choice Award for Best Picture of the Year. You didn’t direct Fahrenheit 9/11, but you have accomplished something of note. Keep spreading your wings and expressing the magnificence that lives inside of you. “Dear Diary: I am convinced that one day I will become President, even though I am a single parent black lesbian Libertarian who didn’t go to Yale.” Despite what the “experts” think, your opportunities are unlimited. So you go, girl!
Virgo (August 23-September 22): Venus is working her magic on you, lifting the cloud of doom that usually clings to you like cheap and pungent aftershave. You’ve made mistakes, but so what? Your past doesn’t define your future. If Matthew McConaughey can go from acting in The Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre to starring in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, then there’s hope for you, too. Let “Carpe diem” become your motto. (That’s “Seize the day” if you didn’t take Latin or never watched Dead Poets Society.)
Libra (September 23-October 23): A new study from Northwestern University reveals that people who sleep less tend to be fat. So, see, your instincts are right. Curling up for a long winter’s nap isn’t just relaxing. It’s also good for your waistline. Quirky Mercury has you embracing nontraditional ways of looking at problems. Maybe you should volunteer to help Bush figure out that pesky Social Security stuff or put in some time analyzing why world weather patterns are suddenly conforming to the script for The Day After Tomorrow.
Scorpio (October 24-November 21): Mötley Cruë rocker Vince Neil accidentally used the F-word during The Tonight Show’s live New Year’s Eve broadcast. With the moon gumming up your communication skills, you could let one slip, too. Maybe you’ll make an embarrassing confession to your main squeeze at the worst possible moment. “After living with you for ten years/bearing your children/emptying your bank account, I’ve decided that I just want to be friends.” Or perhaps you’ll tell your supervisor what you really think about her polka dots and plaid suit combination. Oops.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Sometimes, ya just gotta do something because it feels good. Kim Basinger, Danny DeVito, and Forest Whitaker are the latest celebrities to sign on for an indie ensemble drama called Jump Start. None of them will be making big bucks from it, but they’re probably working with a better class of script than the one for Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed. Make like these stars and focus on quality. If you’re finding that a relationship, career pursuit, or hairstyle isn’t the real you, Mars says get rid of it.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19): Sheryl Crow is set to release two albums in 2005, and Kyra Sedgwick may star in 13 episodes of a new TNT crime drama. So you’re not the only one feeling ambitious these days. Venus is increasing your need to create beauty and express artistry. Maybe it’s time to show off your prize macramé collection or that lovely pot holder that you made in your adult community art class. Or perhaps you are finally ready to test your air guitar talents at open mike night. Too bad you’re no Sheryl Crow.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18): You’re feeling pretty fortunate these days. You’re tsnunami-free. You aren’t addicted to Alleve, Vioxx, or Celebrex. And whether you voted Republican or Democrat, at least all the election fuss is over for another four years (Senator Barbara Boxer’s vote-count protest notwithstanding.) The full moon has you realizing that you have much to look forward to. You know that Kevin Spacey will make a perfect Lex Luthor in the new Superman remake. And even though Kathie Lee Gifford is the lyricist and writer of a new off-Broadway musical, you know that the show won’t last long. Whew.
Pisces (February 19-March 20): Right now, it’s important for you to see results for all of your hard work. After many years in show business, actors Paul Giamatti and Thomas Haden Church have finally earned Golden Globe nominations for their work in Sideways. They didn’t give up, and neither should you. Although the critics haven’t been kind to you this past month, a bunch of planets in earthy Capricorn are ensuring that you’ll settle into a healthy and profitable routine. Your raccoon grooming business will quickly take off. Or your memoir, Confessions of a Baggage Handler, will get snatched up by an editor.
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