Its funny, I was talking to a friends mother a couple years ago, she's in her 60's now (don't tell her I told you she'll kill me) and is a single mother with a successful business living in Manhattan. And this guy called her out of the blue from California, a guy that had helped her son out when he went to U of P(where they filmed "The All-nighter" I believe). As fate would have it she was supposed to be traveling out there and they agreed to meet. She was very excited. She had sent him pictures and in tones of excitement she commented that she hoped that they didn't make her look fat. Then she kind of wanted reassurance on something: Someone had called her work and didn't immediately identify themselves (sounded like the guy might have been playing around on the phone being funny) she was in the middle of a business call and just hung-up on the person. Then she realized it was probably that guy, so she called her brother to ask what he thought and he said he would never talk to a woman again after that . . . they eventually met and didn't hit it off, he looked to old for her lol.
It was a conversation about the beginning of a relationship I could have had back in high school with a girl, or in college now . . . or even with someone in their 60's. And the Brother's response is something I could see one of my chapter brother's saying now . .. with 40 years difference in age and experience.
I think we throw words like maturity around without defining them. I am not sure we change on the inside all that much, especially where are emotions and relationships are concerned.
P7A77, had a good point when she said that people tend to repeat their bad relationships or there relationship patterns over and over again . . . how is this possible if we are miraculously supposed to mature as we grow older? Obviously some people never overcome their various neurosis, some people do, and some people never have them . . . but it all happens, or doesn't, in their own time that isn't matched to an arbitrary age.
And as far as the social things which is what we are really talking about, like more money, a nicer car, maybe more ready to settle down (that’s a big maybe), I am not sure that makes people all that different on the inside. Unless they have made those toys or a title a part of themselves which I consider a lessening of the person.
Lets change tracts for a second.
Raise your hand if you saw the movie Notting Hill will Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts.
He was a small bookstore owner from England and she was a Movie Star as big as well Julia Roberts. The differences in their lives and experiences were so great as to be like they were from different planets. Much greater than any piddling age thing would be.
At one point in the film they are having a conversation after having had many problems because of their different lifestyles. Julia wants to keep seeing Hugh, but Hugh is reluctant for some of the same basic reasons that have been cited here but with different words. Her life is too different, she is in such a different place, doomed to failure, she'll get bored with him etc.
But then she says something profound: (talking about all the awards, the fame, the accolades) "The fame thing isn’t real, you know. Don’t forget—I’m also just a girl. Standing in front of a boy. Asking him to love her."
It made me pause and think. And I thought it summed up a lot of our problems. We forget that at our core we are just boys and girls trying to build quality relationships, great experiences, and have value in life.
So when I say go for it, to AngelPhiSig, I am saying that if as a girl she is attracted to a boy then she should pursue it. Let everything else take care of itself. Will the relationship work forever? Probably not because most don't work forever. But that doesn't mean she might not have some great experiences in the meantime. Will everyone blame the age thing if it doesn't work? Probably, it’s the easiest thing to blame even if it isn't the whole story. But hey its easier to follow stereotypes than have to think.
[This message has been edited by James (edited August 04, 2001).]
|