I think I've said more than I should on the subject. I'll say right now that I wasn't attacking AngelPhiSig, really, but just frustrated at all the attitudes I saw /after/ her post. But just to address a few specifics...
AngelPhiSig -
Yes, people mature at different rates. If you want to be technical, all the little Jewish boys and girls are "adults" at age 13. Hand 'em a gun and a beer and send 'em off to war! No, I do not think girls become women just when puberty sets in. A girl becomes a girl going through puberty when puberty sets in. There are still plenty of biological changes that happen all the way through high school and college. Hell, biological changes happen in your 50s. Is the criteria for being an "older woman" just the physical act of going through menopause?
A girl is not a woman until her early to mid 20s partially because there's still a lot of mental growing that has to happen (both physically and "spiritually" (not in the religous sense)). The process /starts/ at age 12 or so, but doesn't even begin to finish until at least 10 years from then. To look at it another way... I started college when I was 18. Does that mean I was automatically a graduate? While I may be more similar to graduates than I had been a few years previous, I still wasn't at that point, even though the process had started. Make sense?
As to the "beer drinking steriotypical college male" ... that goes exactly to my point about looking in the wrong places. I went through my entire college career hardly associating with that type at all. If that's the only type of person you're encountering (or even if it's just a simple majority), then you are absolutely looking in the wrong places. Hell, if you want to go the other way, I could say that men shouldn't date women their age because they don't want the stereotypical beauty and apparel obsessed college women. Again, not saying that's the case, because hardly any women I knew fell into that category, but I saw plenty of circles where it /was/ the norm. If you're finding the same types of people all the time, then the issue is you're looking for the same type of person, and that will carry through no matter what the age. The characteristics that make someone a beer drinking idiot at 22 will just manifest themselves differently at 32.
I won't comment much on the "double standard" because I don't believe I set one. The issue here was of a younger woman dating an older man. I feel the same issues apply to younger men dating older women, or younger men dating older men, or whatever. People are people. Gender roles are societal constructs.
As to your 20 year old friend who married a 35 year old ... come back to me in 30 years, when he's got one foot in the grave and she's going through the revitalization process that many women in their 50s experience. How the heck can either of them possibly be there for each other on the level that each other need?
I absolutely agree that there's no "one" specific person for anybody, which is why I think dating older simply because people your age are idiots is a bad, bad idea.
As to whether or not I've found a "soulmate" ... I've been with the same person for five years, and have been married for over three. It feel like we've been together for an eternity, but at the same time it feels like just a few weeks. In other words, it's a solid, lasting relationship, but still fresh and new and fun. We've already been through so much together, and we were able to help each other out because we were both at similar places in our lives, physically, mentally, and emotionally. We both dealt with the post-college blues at the same time. We both dealt with false-starting our careers at the same time. All of that. Yes, if I had found someone older I could have had the experience of that person to help me, but it wouldn't have been quite the same. On top of that, what would I have been able to give that person going through things later in life? Sure, a sympathetic ear, and the understanding that I would have for that person, but neither of us would ever be /quite/ on the same level.
33girl -
I can see how I'm coming off as putting down women. As I said before, it's just because the specific question was about a younger woman dating an older man. I'm not putting down women, I'm putting down people who get in bad relationships. But you're right ... jerks are jerks no matter what the age. Which again goes back to my point that if you're finding only jerks your own age, chances are you're going to find jerks at another age. But the novelty and difference of a serious age gap will mask it better for longer.
Well, so much for being brief.
Again, I'm not trying to put down anyone specifically ... I just have some strong feelings on this subject, and for a few differnet reasons (as are either readily apparent or are making me seem schizophrenic). And now hopefully I really *am* done with the subject.
Oh, and it's "ulterior", not "alterior" ...