Ok, I know most people on here have never driven in northern VA, but this can apply to other places too
Rules for Driving in Northern Virginia
1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Northern VA driver never uses them.
2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and he car in front of you, or the space will be filled in
by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered going with the flow.
4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
5. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No
one expects it and it will inevitably result in you being rear-ended. If you want
your insurance company to pay for a new rear bumper, come to a complete stop at all stop signs.
6. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you
sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange and white barricades.
7. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as
the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
8. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.
9. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in the Northern VA area
during rush hour.
10. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Northern VA driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
11. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic in Northern VA.
12. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.
13. Learn to swerve abruptly. Northern VA is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to the VDOT, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
14. It is traditional in Northern VA to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.
15. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.
16. Remember that the goal of every Northern VA driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.
17. Real Northern VA female drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye makeup at seventy-five miles per hour or in bumper-to-bumper
traffic.
18. Real Northern VA male drivers can remove their girlfriend's panties and bra at seventy-five miles per hour or in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
19. In the Northern VA area flipping someone the bird is
considered a
> > Virginia salute. This gesture should always be returned.
> >
> > 20. When emergency vehicles have the right of way, do not
move to the
> > right and slow down. Instead come to an abrupt stop (see
rule 7) or
speed
> > up
> > (because the emergency vehicle behind you will clear a path)
or
tailgate
> > the emergency vehicle (this action will also clear you a
path).