I have a girlfriend who always asks me why, when she and a guy break up, can't they be friends? The guy usually pulls away and is distant and it makes her nuts. I always ask her if she's sure she wants to be friends with the ex. She always says yes, and I always try my litmus (sp?) test of this possibility on her, and her answer, more often than not changes to, 'okay, maybe not'.
If you can handle your ex dating someone else, then you're ready to be true friends. If you can't handle that idea (which usually is extrememly difficult after a break up, for a long time, regardless of the circumstances) then you are simply not ready to be friends. I really think it's as cut and dry as that. And I guess, with that response, I have answered both questions
. It's the proper time to ask if your ex is seeing someone, if and only if you're ready and prepared to hear the answer, and to be uneffected by it.
What really sucks is when one half of the ex duo is ready and anxious to be friends and the other is not. Then it's just a waiting game. I do believe after a lot of time and moving on, it is possible for exes to be friends.
Leslie