Lana,
It takes some of us longer than others to figure out what our purpose is. I'm 32 and I'm not sure I have mine all figured out yet. The journey is what matters, how you choose to live. Whether you recognize it or not, you have a lot going for you. You've affected the lives of Greek Chatters enough to elicit the heartfelt and passionate responses in this thread, you're lucky enough to be in college--not everyone can say that, to have a sorority to call your home and sisters to call upon in times of need--not everyone can say that, either.
Maybe try getting involved with some new activities to keep busy this summer. Do you like animals? Volunteer with local rescue groups--I do this as often as possible and a day spent washing and walking dogs, or working a dog adoption fair is sure to take my mind off my own life.
You'll be back at school and involved at ASA in a couple of months, and that will make a world of difference.
Take care of YOU, Lana. Only you can make yourself Happy, and you've got to make a conscious effort at doing that. Life is a beautiful journey, and sometimes it takes these moments of sadness for us to realize how happy we are.
And remember, no matter how you feel today, tomorrow is a whole new day--you may wake up feeling a bit better, and the next day even better--don't dwell on the thoughts you're having--I went thru a period of that myself last year--I kept a journal--which kept me grounded, got everything I was thinking out of me and onto paper and allowed me to really see how much was real and how much was in my head and allow myself to heal and be happy.
Think of how many people would be devastated by the loss of you. Who gives a sh*t what those silly girls from high school think? We all have people like that in our own lives. But I can guarantee that there are people that look at you and your capacity for kindness and thoughtfulness such as you've exhibited on GC--and feel that way about you.
One last thought--ALONE is good. Not until you learn how to be alone can you welcome someone into your life to share it. I used to hate doing things alone whne I was your age, now, I prefer it in a lot of cases!
And remember, your family, your friends, and the GC Community are here for you. Reach out, and those that care about you will respond and help.
Amy
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