Hey sweetie - I'm so very sorry that you're feeling so down right now
. I know that words cannot heal the immense suffering that you are going thru right now - but all I can offer you is a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen to (unfortunately, a virtual one). I know that you are going through SO much right now - being that you have just broken up with your bf, and that your friends are a number of ways far from you.
BUT, just b/c of those things happening to you (though they are pretty big things), you CANNOT just let your life waste away. Through emails, IMs, and your posts on GC, I have been able to tell that you are such a warm, smart, and caring individual. WHY give yourself away when you have soooo much potential going for you???
So what if you went to DQ or TCBY by yourself. Hell, a LOT of ppl go to wherever by THEMSELVES sometimes. I do, too, and I have never given it a second thought - b/c WHY SHOULD I???? I know that sounds selfish or whatever, BUT, YOU ARE YOU...first and foremost. WHATEVER you do is controlled by you. WHY should anyone care as to if you go to the ice cream shop by yourself or with somebody else? Girlie, I actually think the opposite way sometime - if somebody MUST go somewhere with their SO or their friends, there is something wrong with them - lack of independence!! If ppl give you second looks b/c you are by yourself - well, pardon the profanity - but fuck them! REally! Do they not have a life that they care that someone went to DQ by themselves? Walk into DQ, hold your head up high, b/c, as others have said, there is only ONE Lana (whatever your last name is, hehe) in the world - and that is you. There is only one Lana that I've gotten to know by emails, IMs, and posts, and she's soooo wonderful, so unique, so special. Beneath all your sadness, I can tell that you're a fun person, one that is SO loved by your ASA sisters.
About the popular/pretty business - I guarantte you - NO ONE is perfect. You may think she looks perfect on the outside, but you'd be surprised, really. We all have our ups and downs, and I can bet you that those girls you saw have gone through really bad downs, too. Unfortunately, it's a fact of life.
Also, have you ever noticed, that some of the most popular ppl are NOT the prettiest? Granted, everyone IS cute in their own way, but you definitely do not have to be model-looking to be popular. Look at how they hold their head up high. They know that they have flaws, but they have chosen to take their GOODS with their bads, and to walk into the room with confidence which shows that they know that they are worth it. I know, I know, what I'm saying is incredibly cheesy. But it's true.
When I'm having a bad day/week, whatever, I do what others have recommended you to do. I list EVERYTHING that I'm happy for - no matter how seemingly trivial it is. Hell, I even said at one point how happy I am that I have the Internet! Whatever it takes - just list them all out; you'll be surprised at how much you really have to be thankful for.
Ya know what? Two years ago (soon to be three), I was in a horrible hit-and-run. I had to wear a cast on my arm for a long time - and my back adn shoulder hurt like hell. I had to go to therapy four times a week for 2 months; and once a week afterward for a year. Even now, almost three years later, I still check in occasionally for shoulder/back/arm therapy. It was absolutely horrible - it tested the faith that I had in God. I asked Him, "Why me? Why me? Why did You have to do this to me at this age? What did I ever do to You to deserve this?" But I came out of it SO strong - so health-driven, and SO happy/grateful that I am now healthy - with 2 arms and a healthy body - think how lucky you are to have that!!!!!
About the eating disorder - sweetie, I REALLY recommend that you tell your dr. about it. PLEASE. Do it for yourself - before you get yourself so sick that it's toxic. I don't know if you know - but I had a friend who was anorexic (I wrote out a whole post about it in worriedsenior's post about eating disorders - look it up, it's pretty recent). It was the most horrible time, for both her, and my friensd and I. But, anyway, PLEASE tell your dr. and see a therapist. It's the best way to go, sweetie. And ya know what????? My friend thought she was WAY overweight - she was 5'2 and like 90 pounds (!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Funny...or sad, isn't? It's like she saw like 70 pounds extra in the mirror or something. Lots of times, women are not realistic of our weight, b/c we see so many super-skinny models who are wearing like a size zero.
Sweetie, I really don't know if this is helping out at all - but PLEASE, please, for your health - and your self-image, please take into consideration what I have said, and what these wise posters in front of me have said. Unfortunately, the only one who can fully tell you how special you are is YOURSELF - the sooner you believe the truth, the faster the confidence will come, and the sooner you'll feel wonderful, like you should feel
.
And of course you know my email. I won't be on here much pretty soon - job and other duties - BUT, I will see to it that I will definitely answer your email ASAP, ok? Please keep your head up high for me, and SMILE - though you may feel the farthest from happy right now - smiling actually makes you feel better (it's been proven in scientific studies
).
P.S. REnt a funny movie - it's wonders how laughs can do you good.
P.P.S. Have you ever thought about going to church? Sorry - I don't want to push religion on ya, but it has REALLY helped me to deal with life's ups and MAJOR downs. I have gone through a lot in my life which has made me question God - but each time I come out stronger
.
[This message has been edited by newbie (edited June 29, 2001).]