**warning*** super long post...
My gosh - you girls are AWESOME. What great advice, girls!!!!! Gammazetagrl, I was LMAO when I read your post - especially the line: "newbie said it right, there's nothing like revenge...but who knows, someday i could tell him newbie style,"hey you had your chance, but now can't touch this babyyyy!" HEHEHEE!! Gosh, gammazetagrl, you give EXCELLENT advice - wow, you didn't even need my advice, girl - your advice rocked!!
Lana - I cannot say enough on how EXCELLENT you are sweetie. Worriedsenior is right - your intelligence and care realy shines through in GC. We all KNOW what a diva you truly are - and you know what, divas like you rock! I'm really sorry that you have to work 7 days a week and cannot drive to places
. Maybe you could borrow your parents' car if you can drive?? Also - I don't know how permitting this is - but maybe you could take a day off soon? It's wonders how ONE single day of pampering can totally rev your spirit. Do you work long days? If possible - I would take some hours to call up your sisters, your friends, your guy friends - anyone who's willing to listen and lend an ear. I know you're feeling SO down right now - but I know you will feel better soon. Unfortunately - life has its ups and downs, and unfortunately life has handed you a sour apple.
I knwo what you mean about "not feeling good enough for anyone." When my 2nd boyfriend (lol, this was so long time ago - but I still remember vividly what happened) dumped me cruelly (I don't really wanna get into details - kinda painful, but basically he was just an immature jerk (we were in 8th grade) and did some immature things to me - like tell everyone that I was a slut - b/c he was mad that i wouldn't sleep with him - I felt just SOOOOOOOOOO frickin low...I was "depressed" for so long, b/c I couldn't believe how a guy like him (I thought that he was really special) could spread such crude lies about me that were sooo far from the truth. For months - I was just on another planet. I wore like baggy clothes - b/c some ppl believed that jerka$$. So I didn't wear any makeup-- basically, allowed myself to look like $hit.
One day - just like Gammazetagrl - I realized how horrible I was treating myself. I realized that I was allowing that asshole to take control of my life basically. I realized that I was treating myself like shit - just what that asshole wanted. So, I dressed nicer, put on some makeup, walked into the room full of confidence - basically, just tried to shove the past (the hurt) away. Deep down inside, I was still so hurt. But I knew that on the outside I was looking really good. Soon - I felt SO wonderful on the inside even and knew that the only person who was in control of me was ME.
Yes, I also felt like transferring schools - for weeks, I was the subject of all gossip- which was really scary for me, b/c before the "slut" thing happened - I was popular basically. I felt like no one would ever like me again, adn that the world had ended, and that God was mad at me or something. I was just so sad...couldn't believe that I could be so wronged.
Well, I really don't know if this story helps any - but what I'm trying to say is that unfrotunately the world is full of ups and downs- and though many of us have gone through the downs - look at us now! Many of us go through the downs SO much stronger than we would have been without the downs. Ever since then - if some guy pressures me to have sex - and I don't want to with him - I kick him to the curb if he constantly asks. I never had such confidence b4 the bad incident happened.
Funny thing is - that guy (yes, that same guy) calls me constantly and bugs the hell out of me - saying that he's so sorry for the past and wishes he never said that, b/c it's not true. He goes to the same school as I, and I've heard he has major crush on me. Haha - life is sweet
...so realize, Lana, that though life seems like such a sucker now, life is funny sometimes, and soon - you'll realize why this incident had to happen to you!!!
Until then - I REALLY hope you stay strong and treat yourself the way you ought to be treated. Be the model of confidence - and you'll surely find the right guy, who'll understand what a real "man" (haha) is all about. You are SO SPECIAL - and unfortunately - that guy didn't realize that. his huge loss, right? Smile, Lana - and don't forget, we're always here for you!!!
P.S. So sorry for the long post- and I don't even know if the long story helped, lol