WARNING: a really long post!
hmm newbie, sounds like a REALLY familiar situation don't it?
Now Lana I know I promised u an email but for some reason my hotmail account has been messing up on me right now..i can't even check it..it keeps giving me that "try again later" crap... so i will write here instead...GCers feel free to skip this long ass post...and moderators, i hope i don't get booted for writing such a long one.
there is nothing worse than coming off a breakup and having no car so u can't drive yourself to the mall or go visit a friend to distract yourself...I (still)don't have a car so I was stuck at home for a week as I didn't get put in schedule for work yet after my ex dumped me. It was horrible, because it is when you are alone that all the memories of the past relationship come back to you and the thought that it's over can really make someone feel that life might as well be over (well, pathetic as it may sound, i really felt that way!)...at least you are lucky because you have work to distract you...i was still unemployed with only talkshows on tv to accompany me and it didn't help if they had those "reunited first love topics"..and yes, I did contemplate transferring schools...actually since we didn't go to the same campus anyway I just thought of going to community college as I couldn't see myself dealing with the rigors of unversity life and being away from home, etc...and that meant I would have to give up everything including my scholarship,GLO,friends, and etc...I actually also thought of transferring to his school just for a sec but that would make me one of the "psycho exes" and I didn'twant him to hate me...we ended on good terms, so last thing I needed was trample on the fragile threads of a possible friendship we have left.
But like newbie wisely said (and believe me, she knows, she gave me lots of advice when i was getting over my own breakup!)now is the time to take care of yourself. The very first things that girls like us need to deal with are OURSELVES. Yes, it really will seem like a part of you has died right now, but hey, it's been only two weeks for you. We have been part of a couple for some time but yet now it is hard to stomach that we are alone...and i know it is hard to believe right now, but once time allows you to heal, you will look back and think about how this experience has made you a BETTER,STRONGER person. It could also help u with future relationships because you have experience on what could go wrong. You might even think about how "damn, i cant believe i cried that much!" or something, like i do now
...did u know that I went as far to looking up in the yellow pages for counselors because I felt so distraught i thought i needed COUNSELING? (i never called though, but thinking of it now makes me smile) See, now you can totally be yourself and indulge in what you like. I, for myself, went shopping (my own kind of therapy) and did something I haven't done in awhile....I went back on the ice--figure skating I mean. College and the lack of time has made me quit, but being back out there on the ice has made me feel the comfort of an old friend. So now, you can go back and do something you loved but didn't have time for anymore, or try something new. Remember, there is no one to stop u, u dont even have to be conscious about "oh man i have to leave, we have a date"...know what i mean?
And of course, there is the comfort of your friends,sisters, and family. Since I was unemployed in that hard first week, I basically called our entire summer phone list (all of my sisters live so far away from me)and my high school friends. It's okay to cry to them, they will be there for u. I admit that i hated hanging up the phone because talking to them made me feel better but once i hang up i get that "im alone" feeling again. And i had to fight the urge to call my ex like every second, because i wanted to resolve our "what ifs," "possibly" "maybe if we..."...now that was verrryyyy hard. Yeah I finally called him like once, and i actually asked him back which of course he declined...that bastard! j/k. LoL.
I contemplated throwing out his stuff or at least giving them back (i actually had a forum here in GC about the Greek stuff especially his lavaliere)but i didn't. I just put them in a box so I didn't have to look at them because at the state I was in, I would have only cried harder. Because if u try to look back now, it will only make u lonelier, but as time passes by, only the good memories will surface so if u look back by then, you can only smile and think about "wow, that was a great time"....and now, i can safely look in my "breakup kit" as my sisters and I call it, and only go "awwww we were so cute" at the pics or "oh, this was so sweet of him"....
now i dont wanna getyour hopes up, but there is always a chance of getting back together...sometimes people just need time apart from each other to see how they really need them, and emerge stronger than ever the second time. but lemme ask u this, do u really want to be w/ a guy who isn't even man enough to breakup in person? my sister told me, maybe he will realize he's not as happy as he thought he would be as a bachelor, and ending up missing u alot and then he would go back to u. but of course, DONT WAIT AROUND FOR THAT...just keep being his friend but at the same time dont be afraid to check out "what's out there" and life shouldn't stop....and who knows, by the time my ex comes around, I probably would have totally moved on and if he asks me back I would say no, because i have moved on to bigger and better things.
Some people need to be absent from each other to heal themselves, and I am assuming that u and your ex live far from each other right? So without him, you might be able to think more clearly and heal better...or you could be like me, im the type where I need to see him (well I can't really help it coz we actually WORK together and he still drives me back n forth work, so yeah i lost a bf but i gained a friend/chauffeur---ok that was mean of me! j/k)to give the issue some kind of closure. I know if i didnt see him I would have pined away endlessly but since he's right there, I have to reallyd eal with the new sitch of us being friends. And you know what, it worked...so far we have maintained a platonic,civil friendship. I even bought his dumper a** a birthday present, haha....I thought about how i might not be able to handle working with him but i knew quitting was a sign of weakness...and lol, like newbie said, make him see what he's missing, right?
and last,but not least, since i know i have to end this letter soon...LOOK FAB! they're right, if u do look fab on the outside soon you will really feel it too. i hafta admit post breakup, i neglected my appearance. I didnt feel like making myself look nice since "what's the point, no one's looking at me anymore"..but WRONG, there's a whole world of cute guys out tehre!i didnt do my makeup,nails and hair. then like when it was finally time for me to go back to work, i saw myself in the mirror, and was like, "Shit, how can i allow this to myself?"...so of course, i went all out and i actually caught my ex sneaking glances at me...Ha Ha! newbie said it right, there's nothing like revenge...but who knows, someday i could tell him newbie style,"hey you had your chance, but now can't touch this babyyyy!"
okay, there's my huge ass two cents.
hope i helped.
PS: I have a forum "is it possible to stay friends w/ an ex" in chit chat, i dunno if u saw it yet.