Okay, gonna try to answer your questions, there's a lot going on in that post.
First, the basics of going inactive (which can also totally depend on your chapter), in my chapter those who went inactive applied for it at the beginning of the semester. Usually it was people with a very demanding schedule. We only had so many spots, because we had to keep numbers up.
It does sound like you're in over your head. However, that may also be due to poor time management on your part (but I have no clue, as i'm not you and don't know you IRL
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If you think that your chapter is overprogrammed (which many many chapters are) - what have you done to address this yourself? Have you talked to your council? have you talked to your CAB? Have you talked to the national officer to whom you are referring?
You say you want to go inactive, but not totally, and even want to be an officer? I'm not sure how much this makes sense. If you are having this much trouble with your time management, studies, and finances, being an officer is not going to help your situation. Being an officer is a HUGE time investment and it really doesn't sound like it would be appropriate or wise.
As for moving out of the house, you signed a contract, and it's no different from signing a lease. You're stuck. I don't know your personal reasons, but if you become an officer you'd have to live in the house anyway. You made a contract to your sisters, and you have to uphold that.
You SHOULD go to your council, they're the ones that make decisions. Voice your concerns- overprogramming, etc. Make a case for your situation, perhaps there is something that can be worked out. You can also find out more about how inactivity works in your chapter.
If you go inactive, yes, you won't be bonding with sisters as you would as an active. Being inactive, you can't go to social events (like mixers, date parties, formals, etc) unless by special vote. You're not around for the day to day stuff. Basically as inactive you don't go to anything. You still have to pay some dues, but that all depends on the chapter.
Also, no, you wouldn't be allowed to be a recruitment counselor, at least I wouldn't think so. If you don't have time for KD stuff, how could you have time to devote to that?
I'm sorry if this was a random answer but it was a bunch of random questions to answer. To me it sounds like you want to do the fun stuff without the responsibilities. When you joined KD you made promises to your sisters, and you do have to fulfill them. It's not fair to those who are.
I realize that you have issues with school, money, etc. Normally i'd definitately say that inactivity could be right for someone like that. But it sounds like you still want to do all of the fun stuff, and so I don't know if inactivity is right for you.
Bottom line to my post is that you need to get your life in order, get some help with time management, etc. You shouldn't be worrying about being an officer or recruitment counselor if you can't deal with the rest of the responsibilities. Go to council, or perhaps go to one member of council that you trust the most, and talk to them.
I hope that I don't come across rude or hardhearted. I just kind of have a tough-love outlook on things. I'm also a fairly recent graduate (2002) who served most of my KD time as a member of council. What works for one chapter doesn't necessarily work for another, so who knows?
Good luck and AOT.