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Originally posted by lifesaver:
OK, back by popular demand, the bow and arrow story. After I moved out of the chapter house I got my first apartment (all of you who can remember what it was like to finally have your own apartment, off campus insert feel good feeling here - till the first light bill arrives) anyway, James (pretty much the character Cliff, from Dead Man on Campus) and I were brothers in the house but got tired of the crazyness and moved out. Well James had been about the wildest brother we had, but had tamed down considerably, due to the influence of a lovely young woman, Victoria. Anyway, I needed to move out and decide to take my chances with James. Well, we move in together and all seems cool, till I discover some unique traits James has. First, he loves to be naked. I could tell when he was home because there would be a line of clothes from the front door to his bedroom in this order, shoe, shoe, sock, belt, sock, shirt, pants, skivies. And there James would be, nekid (remember, this is the south) as sin, playing on the computer. Not too, too bad, since he was in his room. But it gets worse, Victoria was naked all the time too, and the slept with the door open, I got up before them, so each day I was greated with a new body part. I never saw so much sack and crack in my whole life. I don't think I know MY body that well. Not the first thing you want to see in the AM as you are trying to choke down out of date OJ.
Anyway, James' fav'o hobby was watching TV on the couch...naked. (We actually refered to him as Naked Boy) But get this he LOVED to play with his balls. No matter who was over. Sittin' on the couch strummin' his nuts. My bedroom door faced the couch, so everytime I'd come out of my room, I got the lovely nut shot.
He gets a snake, knowing I have this huge fear of them (I grew up here in texas. there are no GOOD snakes) and would emerge from his room occasionally with "the look", "uh oh, I cant find the snake." Whence I would evacuate the premises till said snake was found. (I later discovered this was a cruel rouse for him and Victoria to doink on my $350 Ralph Lauren comforter.
One week for initiation and pre-rit he decided to torture all of us (because of the close company the actives spend with each other that week) and not Shower for the ENTIRE WEEK. Let me tell you, this kid was one smelly bast*rd anyway. I can actually remember the last night of pre-rit him sitting on the couch at the house putting his hands in his pants, thumbing his nuts, and then marveling at how bad his balls smelled. he almost got his ass kicked after that stunt when he started putting his hands in other's faces. Anyway, the bow and arrow story.
After much drinking one night by James he decides to walk to the chapter house with his potato gun in hand (if you don't know what one is, it's a piece of PVC pipe with a flint in the end, you jam a potato in one end, open the flint end, spray some aqua net hair spray for propellent, seal it up and twist the flint, launching the potato about 200 yards) Anyway, some dudes we didn't know show up at the house and after they are asked to leave, start some crap. James emerges NAKED on the chapter roof with his potato gun and bow and arrow (a real hunting one) and trys to "defend" the house. Except he was shooting at everyone. (Read- Risk Managment Disaster waiting to happen here) I felt like I was in 1963 at UT when the bell tower guy went nuts. UPD shows up, along with about 25 other law enforcement agencies. James refused to come off the roof. After he had exhausted his supply (limited, thank god)of arows, he pulls out the bag o' potatoes. And procedes to fire them at the officers. They werent about to shoot him, it would have looked too bad in the papers, assualt by starch. So they wait till he uses up all the potatoes, and tackel him on the roof. (not a job I would have volunteered for). it should be pretty obvious james spent several days in jail for that stunt. The only reason he didn't go to the mental hospital is that his mom is a psycologist. After living with him for 9 months I felt like I needed a psychologist.
Oddly enough, the SOB is making like $250,000 a year in Seattle doing programming for Microsoft. Good luck Mr. Gates. You'll need it.
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I laughed at all of your stories but MY GOD this was THE FUNNIEST THING I EVER READ!!!
What did you do to your comforter?
I am still ROFLMAO @ this story.
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