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Best of luck as you and your sisters sort this out. I want to piggy-back on what my soror suggested about getting nationals involved. Do you have someone who is sort of "outside" the immediate sisterhood who could moderate a civil (though probably difficult and painful) discussion? It seems to me that you need someone like a chapter or faculty advisor to moderate a disccusion--to allow everyone to speak in turn and have five or ten minutes to express her discomfort with some situation rather than some person. That way all opinions and feelings are put out there on the table, but an outsider or more neutral party is mediating the discussion rather than a sister since that could be taken as a personal attack. Furthermore, a moderator can help ensure that people talk about situations that they want to change (because that is do-able) rather than attacking people that they want to change (because that is not).
This whole process is not going to be pleasant, but I PROMISE it will only get worse if no one does anything about it other than let it escalate as more people become more and more defensive.
Hang in there, try to remind all of the sisters why they joined in the first place (which was certainly not to have people to fight with or to have extra drama in their lives), and keep the bigger picture in mind. Go back to the basics--read over your intake manuals and so forth and talk about sticking to them. I am sure there is nothing in those that says yell at nms for not being at your beck and call when they are studying for tomorrow's exam. Let the documents and policies be the "bad cop" rather than a sister taking on that role.
Good luck--
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