[starang21]

Originally posted by KSig RC
See, you've inverted the issues here - obviously the overriding problem is outside of her, and she should not be punished for being successful. I think all of us have agreed, however, that the unfortunate reality is that many men do carry this bizarre bias - and I'll go on record saying that this bias grows more widespread as you move into older segments of the American population.

So she shouldn't 'have to' settle, in the perfect-world sense of "have to" - however, it appears that she's actively seeking advice on how to obviate this egocentric male bias, and since she is being faced with such a surplus, where does she go from here?

It's sad that both the author and the woman in question are facing this dilemma, but I don't think the advice is misogynistic or negative in and of itself. The 'fact of life' does not come in your desire for her not to settle, but rather in the fact that this bias does exist, and she's going to either have to hold out for one that doesn't exhibit it (which is possible, as you and I have both stated) or find a way to cope. They appear to have chosen the latter - sad, but not necessarily a bad 'strategy' (even if we don't necessarily agree).

You're missing the key point here - when you say, "why should she have to settle?" and make the correct point that it's not really her fault, you are implying that these guys can somehow all the sudden not be biased or misguided in their views on successful women to change the situation. I just don't see these guys 'turning it off' like it's a light switch - it's a cultural bias, it will take generations to be eliminated. So I can't blame her for working around it as it were.

She shouldn't have to settle - but she might have to. Sucks.

Also - while this is great conceptually, let's not discount the fact that she might just be a bitch . . . much like successful men can be unattractive when they're dicks about it, she might just be bad about her success. We don't know, so let's keep it hypothetical for now.

my entire thought process revolves around the fact that there are plenty of men in the sea who can handle a woman of her caliber. she shouldn't settle, and if the only type of men she meets are those who can't handle someone such as her, then she should keep it moving until she does. all men shouldn't and won't be able to have that sort of self confidence in themselves that would cause them to see past this sort of tomfoolery. that's what the root of the problem is, and you're correct....it's an socieital mentality that is outdated. a lot of men in this society have such fragile egos that a woman who possibly could be better than they are financially would be a huge turn off. unfortunately, it does exist. is it ignorant? yes.